[rawr]

I am 30 years old, and I have 2 children. I have Lupus (Autoimmune disease, in remission NOT ACTIVE), and I have a working kidney transplant.

I got sick when I was 12 yrs old, and had to be on tons of different medications for alot of my teenage years. One of those medications is a steroid called Prednisone.

I have never actually "wanted" sex. I want to want it, however if it was never brought up, I wouldn't ever bring it up and I honestly could go on the rest of my life not caring I didn't have it because I never get aroused unless the guy is initiating sex/foreplay. Even then the arousal is minor, and I don't get wet, sometimes I get a tiny bit wet but that's about it. I definitely have never had an orgasm, never cummed, and never stay wet the whole time while having sex. I do enjoy the sexual encounter when it is happening even though nothing about my body is showing I do, so I can't ever really fully enjoy it.

Basically, I do like sex, I just want to ENJOY it... as in, be wet, get aroused, cum, orgasm... SOMETHING. I never ever even get horny and want to touch myself... it's frustrating.

I think I need to definitely have blood work done to check all my levels of whatever needs checking to see if maybe I need some help by taking a medication for something maybe my body isn't producing enough of? I don't know what kind of doctor you see for this, OB/GYN? I can hear the person on the phone now when making an appt, "What are you being seen for?"..."I have no sex drive.".

[ThexMrs]

I'm very sorry to hear this. Sex is something that you should enjoy and though it can be fun without an orgasm I would hate for you to go on like this for the rest of your life. I thought that something was wrong with me. I referred to myself as being "broken" because though I can orgasm on my own, a man has yet to help me reach orgasm. That's right... I've never orgasmed while with a man. Since I got advice on here, I have yet to have sex so I'm not sure if it is going to work or not. I don't have any diseases currently or in my past so I am not sure what to say about that. I do think that you should see a doctor just in case it is because of the illness (medications) I wish you the best.

[WildChild]

It could be the meds, it could be a level of fear you don't even know is there. Do you masterbate? The Welcomed Consensus in San Francisco for decades has researched and taught on sexuality and orgasm, with particular emphasis on female orgasm. They have dvds on female self pleasure as well as with a partner. This is not porn, actually I think they've made it a little too clinical, at least for my taste. Their techniques don't involve intercourse, they focus pretty much on using hands. If you can learn to self pleasure to orgasm, then you are just a hop, skip and a jump away from the whole deal.

Also work on creating sensual experiences in your life, colors, fabrics, taste and texture, lighting, music - whatever brings you to a greater awareness of what surrounds you.

[ItsASecret]

Its nice to see someone who is on the same medication lol, I am on prednisone for the rest of my life. That particular medication won't have any effect on arousal. What is happening is mental, no connection blah blah blah. If you are swayed by things that 'could work' like having an orgasm because you look at a flower then go for it, it would make your sexual life so much simplier lol. Manipulating the mind is simple, once you discover how it can be done. However, nothing is guaranteed until you find out what specifically works for you. Sites like welcomed are good, they will show you how touching the skin can feel good (remember they are getting paid to oooh and ahhh) or in my personal case, feels like your just touching skin...no big deal. Everyone requires different stimulus to reach the same result, keep searching!

[WildChild]

Secret what resources and materials have you found helpful that rawr might get some ideas from? As you say, everyone requires different stimulus, since I am fully orgasmic I can only suggest things that seem to either teach how to duplicate what I discovered on my own or which I think might be of help. What works for you that you can share?

[ItsASecret]

My sources are from University, the physical aspect of things...knowing how different sides of psychology can provide the right type of stimulus (finally had an orgasm thinking that way lol). Everyone does require different things, which is why I mentioned that if someone thinks it will work then it would make things simplier. If they don't believe in a type of method from the beginning then they should simply avoid it or they could get frustrated over "why does it work for them and not me?", if they do like the type of method then they should go all out and pursue it.

[WildChild]

Congrats on success!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Wildchild
Also work on creating sensual experiences in your life, colors, fabrics, taste and texture, lighting, music - whatever brings you to a greater awareness of what surrounds you.

I like this, I can relate to this very much.

There are three types of sexual reactions, sensual, sexual and just plain horney and sometimes you can mix the three together.

A Physcologist was my initial teacher and he tought me to feel...

If you don't feel, you will not be aware of the way your body can react and you will never have the orgasms you dream of.

Part of his teaching was "sensual", take time out to do exactly what Wildchild is suggesting, a simple touch of your hand to your throat gliding down is "sensual" to the touch, try it, and keep trying it until you actually feel sexy from doing it..

Nothing happens overnight.

But aim at feeling sensual 24/7 because i agree, by doing so you end up orgasmic constantly, your always feeling in "tune" with yourself, your body.

Some people read books, some watch educational videos, some porn, different things work for different people.

If you hate reading, then more than likely you won't learn from a book because you won't concentrate. Visual, video's may work better. Having said that, if you've never read a sex book, and taken the time to "hear the words", take them in, focus on what your reading, you can't say it's a bad idea either.

Just reading things here 12 months ago and then experiementing to see if I could achieve them, resulted in amazing things.

I focused on what people said they tried, but couldn't achieve and so i tried. I am not about to go into details but let's say i know my body, it knows how to react and it all started with "sensual", feeling/touching/smelling, followed by reading and naturally "doing"....

ItsaSecret
Sites like welcomed are good, they will show you how touching the skin can feel good (remember they are getting paid to oooh and ahhh)

So are sex therapists, physcologist, But if what they teach works for "some" people, then they have done their job......

Good luck.

CW

[rawr]

Thanks for all the information. I will definitely look into things from ever aspect and see what is in tune with me.

When I am unable to see my boyfriend for awhile due to distance when he is on business, we add Phone Sex into the mix. When he starts telling me what he wants to do to me, I do get horny sometimes (not every time) and I will use lube and touch myself as well. Once in awhile, I do get to the point of "wow, this actually feels pretty good I don't want to stop, but I do want it to go to the next level". When this occurs, I am using toys, because I really must not know how to masturbate using my fingers that well cause they really don't do anything for me. However, when this once in awhile feeling occurs when I am using my toy, I end up just saying I have finished when he has because I don't really know how to take that feeling to the next level.

I don't really know if I explained that well enough to make sense?

Also, what kind of doctor would I go see to find out if medications are having any interactions or if any levels are low in my body? OB/GYN?

[WildChild]

Depends on what you are dealing with. So often in modern medicine we end up seeing various specialists and aren't always getting a full picture. Do you have a GP or family doctor? Can you get in for a complete physical? Then discuss all the meds you may take, diet, emotions, sexaul concerns and how it all ties together?

The thing for women is that the clit is it. Do you have a vibrator? I'm not a big fan of regular use because they can reduce your sensitivity. But they are great for simply getting there fairly quickly. Ever study any tantric stuff? They teach you to clear your mind and simply feel- this can be great. Or explore some of those fantasies you have started with the phone sex. Can you amp them up a bit while you are masterbating? Maybe start with whatever relaxes you? Gently touching your self, running your hands over your body, exploring differing sensation. Get into your body and your responses before. In other words, self pleasure rather than just masterbate. It sounds like you are close, I bet once you get there the first time, you'll find it easier. I'm multi and with my partner, I can start cumming almost from his first touch but on my own it takes quite a bit longer, but once I get there I can sustain it for a good long while, just cumming in waves. It needs practice and experimenting to find what works for you and finding the mental state that get you there. For myself I consciously keep myself in state of low level arousal pretty much all the time.

It just takes time and practice. You'll get there and it is so worth it!