[Hopeless Dork]

No I understand what you mean and that IS the point The fact that you can get erections looking at naked ladies during a movie, and during non intimate moments and then all of a sudden CAN'T when you are about to have sex... would feel like 'he has no problems getting hard... just hard with ME". That is where it hurts a girl. And yes I understand that ISN'T the case, that you are into her and turned on by her, and its just a mental block when it comes to sex...

But what I am saying is girls don't always understand that. They see that you don't have erection problems, only erection problems when about to have sex, therefore must be totally turned off at the idea of having sex with me...

Do you know what I mean? I know its hard for you to understand because its not at all how you feel. But girls are not always rational and just go with their guts. And a guy unable to be erect the moment he's about to have sex with you (while its obvious to an outsider and to you that its just nerves) in that moment... for a woman with a few self-esteem issues it can feel otherwise.

And I'm just suggesting to let her know how sexy you think she is all the time, even if you think she already knows how you feel. Being desired by your guy is one of the best feelings that there is for a girl in love.

It may be that she doesn't really care whether or not you get hard for sex, it may be that she prefers the foreplay that you provide and is entirely selfish on reciprocation and if thats the case there isn't much you can do but talk to her and see if she can understand how that makes you feel.

But if she treats good outside of the bedroom and you feel loved in all areas but this...it really couldn't hurt to provide her with reassurance that she does it for you, and that its just your own nerves causing the issue, not her ability to excite you and not a reflection on how much you desire sex with her.

[WildChild]

A lot of this may come down to the misconception we have that men are always in heat, always ready for sex, anytime, anyplace, with anyone. And it just ain't so. Of course the counter belief is that women have to be tricked or cajoled into into and don't really want it. I think we've had plenty of evidence from conversation here that neither is true.

Communication and understanding are the keys with this. Understanding yourself as well as helping her understand.

[Sandra_does]

I think what everyone is overlooking here is that a 15 year old boy does not have that sort of exactness in knowledge and that a 16 year old boy does not know how to write that well, much less express himself...!

NEED I SAY MORE...???

[WildChild]

As the mother of a 15 yr old boy, I beg to differ on their ability to write or express themselves. My kiddo had been reading at college level since 5th grade, so have most of his freinds. This is something that varies person to person and past a certain point, isn't all that age dependant. While this may seem sexually precocious, I don't know, I was sexually active at 14, so I'm reluctant to judge on that either.

[Chantalemma]

I do not want to be jusdged so I don't judge others. I would rather he come here for comfort and advice that liev in stupidity and not know. Honey, Go ahead and ask away. We are here to answer your questions at our best knowledge and try to help you. Isin't this why the forum is here? It doesn't matter what age or anything... it is nice to know he is trying to learn and asking questions. Good for you.

[Na-Na]

I know this might seem odd, but do you feel inadequate in bed? I know that during foreplay you're pleasuring her, but do you feel as if the sex itself is good? Not just for you, for her as well. She's more experienced, and with her lack of interest in reciprocating foreplay I could see anyone feeling nervous going into sex. Everyone's been pointing out possible pov's for her, about how she probably feels inadequate, or unsexy. How do you feel? If you don't feel as if she finds you attractive, or if she particularly cares about giving you pleasure, why shouldn't you be nervous about sex?

Does she try in any way to help you get to a point of wanting to have sex, or just she just sit back and take what you give her? Was she more willing to do oral before you guys started having sex? Maybe she feels that since you're getting to have sex with her, she has no reason to pleasure you. It's a selfish outlook, but not entirely unlikely. If she was, you might want to hold off on the sex for now. Her unresponsiveness is very likely part of your own problems, after all. If you guys can get to a point where you're mutually pleasuring each other, sex might become easier to achieve.

Also, have you two talked about her going on birth control? If she's comfortable with it, it should really be an option. Having to pause to fumble for a condom can be a mood killer. Being able to switch naturally from that sexy video or whatever straight into sex gives you less time to think about what you're about to do, and thus decreases the chances of going flaccid. I know my SO and I have had times where we ended up not doing anything because getting to the condom took to long and killed the mood for one or the other.

[Guest]

Ok well.. There has been a good change recently.. The other day I went and bought some lube.. (Durex cherry flavoured lube).. And it turns out she LOVES the taste off it, and the feeling.. So I have been getting more pleasuring recently, and things are starting to look a bit brighter..

I didnt buy the lube as a way off easier penetration or anything, I mean she isnt tight.. (though it does make penetration alot easier and funner..) I just bought it as a way off hopefully making sex and foreplay more fun.. And it has DEFFINITLY worked.. Obviously I still wont get as much pleasuring from her as I give her but, I do expect that.. as it is alot easier for me to slip my hand down her trousers than her to stick her head or hand down my tousers and play with a big chunk off meat.. right? :P

Na-na your very correct on what you said, and it does relate to what did happen with us.. She did usually sit back and just take what I gave to her, and not give me anything.. But really, now with this lube, things are going much better and hopefully they will just keep getting better and easier..
Also.. about the thing you said with getting the condom on and what knot.. That was a very big problem with me, to be honest I think that was one off the biggest problems, on top off her not pleasuring me. But now she plays with me before hand, then I will put the condom on, and then as soon as I'm in her.. everything goes ok.

Tonight we had a very.. very good session off sex, the best one we've ever had if I must say, I enjoyed it alot and she was for once WILLING to play with me, and it just made things alot easier and better.. and less awkward.

So thanks for all the advice everyone Things are looking much brighter now.

Loafer

[coke.aholic]

Hey loafer,
The exact same thing happened to me a couple days ago, well we were both pretty drunk and one thing lead to the next and next thing i know it im going down on her in the bathroom, im pleasuring her but i getting none as well and at the same time, i was getting a hard-on, she finally wanted to have sex, and i was stoked, i mean losing my virginity to the girl that i thought i'd lose it to for a long time. But i ended up not being able to get a hard-on and we ended up not having sex. In my eyes, im basically like (edited), are you serious. Its freaking embarrassing and i dont know what to do next. I dont know how i will face her next time and if the word has gone out to all my friends. like i have no idea what to do. Even though she was cool about it and we could get back together again, i still feel like a (expletive deleted) fag to be honest. How am i suppose to face her again? it was a drunken night and i dont even know how she feels

[WildChild]

Alcohol and good sex, especially lots of alcohol, don't mix. It can indeed cause males problems.

[theofranklin2009]

I brought a girl back to my flat last night i knew she wanted sex and it was gonna be my first time, I was just thinking play it cool and its gonna go smoothely. We played around for abit(edit) she really seemed to enjoy it, apparently she had 2 orgasms so I reckons things were going good :P The problem was though throughout the whole time of it happenening i couldnt get it up! In my head I was like "!!!! I'm gonna get it out n shes gonna be like wtf lol!" I got it out but she didnt really seem to notice we were playing round for like 30-40mins n i just couldnt get a hard on i felt really stupid. I put some porn on and that still didnt work, she left the room, i watched it on my own, still didnt work!! She came back in and we left it for abit and tried again a few hours later it was better cos i had a semi but it wouldn't fit in properly. For the rest of the night we were just cuddlin n kissing n stuff, the next morning we both feeling alright but we were just really really sexually frustrated. I really like here but i can see this getting in the way wtf do i do!!??