[WildChild]

Stress. Bet if youtake time to get to know her better and can relax a bit, it will work out just fine.

[Guest]

I brought a girl back to my flat last night i knew she wanted sex and it was gonna be my first time, I was just thinking play it cool and its gonna go smoothely. We played around for abit(edit) she really seemed to enjoy it, apparently she had 2 orgasms so I reckons things were going good :P The problem was though throughout the whole time of it happenening i couldnt get it up! In my head I was like "!!!! I'm gonna get it out n shes gonna be like wtf lol!" I got it out but she didnt really seem to notice we were playing round for like 30-40mins n i just couldnt get a hard on i felt really stupid. I put some porn on and that still didnt work, she left the room, i watched it on my own, still didnt work!! She came back in and we left it for abit and tried again a few hours later it was better cos i had a semi but it wouldn't fit in properly. For the rest of the night we were just cuddlin n kissing n stuff, the next morning we both feeling alright but we were just really really sexually frustrated. I really like here but i can see this getting in the way wtf do i do!!??

Had you been out drinking before hand? as alcohol and sex dont mix if you had been out on the pop you've no chance of a stiffy

[Danny Boy]

Same problem

Ok, so the stress problem is kinda common with us guys I reckon.
I've been through this too, it was really ... odd. It wasn't my first time, but my first time with my new girlfriend. Everything went ok until it got to my head that we're actually gonna do it, and then, BANG, not hard anymore. Feeling this stressed me out even more and so on. She thought it's her fault, I know it's my fault.
Oh well, I managed to get over that, kinda. Now the probelm I have is the condom. I can't stand it and the pause needed to put it on ends my mojo.
This way, everytime I'm with her, I think about the fact that we're gonna end up having sex and I get stressed out again...any ideas on how to relax in bed?
I've heard it's called "performance anxiety" and it's true...i think too much about the way she will feel and I don't want to dissapoint her. I've already talked to her about this and things are ok, she understands it, but still, I find it hard to relax completely in bed.
Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

Danny.

[queqid]

the act

go to bed with the attitude that "WE ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE PENITRATION" go with no expectations of doing the deed. If you get around to it fine and if not, OK, too.

[savage1992]

I brought a girl back to my flat last night i knew she wanted sex and it was gonna be my first time, I was just thinking play it cool and its gonna go smoothely. We played around for abit(edit) she really seemed to enjoy it, apparently she had 2 orgasms so I reckons things were going good :P The problem was though throughout the whole time of it happenening i couldnt get it up! In my head I was like "!!!! I'm gonna get it out n shes gonna be like wtf lol!" I got it out but she didnt really seem to notice we were playing round for like 30-40mins n i just couldnt get a hard on i felt really stupid. I put some porn on and that still didnt work, she left the room, i watched it on my own, still didnt work!! She came back in and we left it for abit and tried again a few hours later it was better cos i had a semi but it wouldn't fit in properly. For the rest of the night we were just cuddlin n kissing n stuff, the next morning we both feeling alright but we were just really really sexually frustrated. I really like here but i can see this getting in the way wtf do i do!!??

ok this sounds alot like me and my gf, exept she thinks its her thats not good enough and i know its me... i can get a hard on but i only seem to get semi when shes playing with me. iv sorta put it in when i was semi and didnt really get anywhere as i had to hold it in and everything. she was a vergin till she met me so shes fair tight and yea it doesnt really work. im alot harder untill we grab the condom. i also cant ask her to go on the pill or anything cos if her dad found out hed kick her outa home and all that... shes the first girl who iv seen naked so i dunno if thats part of it or what... while writin this im scared stupid that shes gonna leave me... any suggestions?

[Ashlee T.]

When a guy can get it up for porn, but not me = a little hard on the ego (no pun intended)

When a guy can get it up while he plays with himself, but not when I play with him = a little hard for me to not wonder what I'm doing wrong, therefore stress myself trying to figure it out.

I dated a guy who claimed to be insanely attracted to me, we waited months before even considering sex......and then when we finally decided to, he couldn't. I tried many things, oral could get him arroused but as soon as I'd try to move on to actual, it would go away. I did everything I could, and it just never happened. So I broke up with him. Because SOMETHING was a problem, and he was obviously unwilling to really address it.

How often would you "play" with her if she seemingly got no enjoyment out of it? She enjoys it, which makes you want to do it. For us, the "hard" lets us know we're doing good. Makes us feel like we're doing something wrong and getting no feedback.

[savage1992]

ok i was with her today and yea she did get me hard today but as soon as we went to have sex i lost it... and i play with her every chance i get really, me and her are very sexual, like were always kissin or doin somethin sexual... but yea as soon as it comes to sex i loose it... the condom is a real off put and also plays a part in it and yea i dunnno what to do. i really wanna move on with her but yea, i only see her about once a week so we dont get to be together all that much... but everytime we do see each other were in each others pants

[StillLearnin]

i really wanna move on with her but yea, i only see her about once a week so we dont get to be together all that much... but everytime we do see each other were in each others pants

Is she the girl for you? Do you truly love her, or is it just a sexual attraction? Do you see being with her long term?

If you think that this relationship is worth saving then try to fix the impotency problem. If not, it's time to move on. You two just don't have the sexual chemistry. I doubt that it's you. It's your chemistry, or lack of, which could be physical, emotional, or psychological.

Keep us posted.

Good luck!

[savage1992]

yea i love her and i see me and her being together for the rest of our lives, i came on here becuase i wanna fix this problem and be the best i can for her, so yea i really love her

and i only see her bout once a week cos she lives on the other side of the city and i have 2 be on a train for a hour and a half to see her (plus another 30 in a car to get to the train)

[DavidWithMalePerspective]

I think there's something you should change completely. I think you should never TRY to get it hard when it's soft or if it goes soft. [I don't mean you shouldn't make yourselves cum for each other if this turns you both on.]
If it's soft, try for lightness rather than anxiety. Tell her "It's got a mind of its own" or "It's not sure it's ready to get serious right now" or "It just wants to be little and cute for now" or "Even when it's little it likes you to play with it" or "It likes your attention even when it's small like this" or "What you're doing feels so good". Even if this goes on for hours and hours and days, just give in to the nice softness and smoothness. Don't TRY for anything.
Instead of getting angry or down, during all this time always take enjoyment in giving HER attention. Make her feel sexy without even hoping that maybe finally you might be able to have sex. Enjoy giving her orgasms manually or orally even if you don't have them yourself. Move your lower body parts hard on hers not even intending to enter. Kiss her nice lips; run your hands on her cool back; smooth her hair; feel her pretty face in your hands. [Now I'm getting turned on!] Anyway, try this for a few weeks, actually enjoy these days, and see if things become good for you.