[bcnu]

Maybe it has to do with living in his parents house...

[Isiss]

I feel like the only person in the world bothered by the fact that my boyfriend was not a virgin before having sex with me... He had only had sex two times before me, yet somehow I feel like it is unfair that I lost my virginity to him, and made a memory with him yet it was probably nothing to him... he says it did mean something to him because he actually loves me, and sex with me is far more amazing... I just don't know how much of that is true or just something to make me feel better? I really hate being that stupid cliche virginity story, but it really bothers me...

What do you think, men?

I feel the same way that you do. I am always so afraid that whatever we do isn't as special for him as it is for me. Physical intimacy tends to be very emotional for me, so it's a big, big fear.

For some reason, too, I have some issues with porn. I never thought I would, but when I asked him about it and he told me about what he watched and when he watched it, I became incredibly jealous. I haven't really expressed this to him because I understand it's normal for guys - I've asked him how often he uses it, and he's told me that not only does he not need it now that he's with me, but he doesn't want it - but I just find it so hard to believe, no matter how earnest he seems about it. And it really does drive me wild with jealousy, haha. s: I feel badly because of it.

Any advice from the male end of things?

[Guest]

I feel the same way that you do. I am always so afraid that whatever we do isn't as special for him as it is for me. Physical intimacy tends to be very emotional for me, so it's a big, big fear.

For some reason, too, I have some issues with porn. I never thought I would, but when I asked him about it and he told me about what he watched and when he watched it, I became incredibly jealous. I haven't really expressed this to him because I understand it's normal for guys - I've asked him how often he uses it, and he's told me that not only does he not need it now that he's with me, but he doesn't want it - but I just find it so hard to believe, no matter how earnest he seems about it. And it really does drive me wild with jealousy, haha. s: I feel badly because of it.

Any advice from the male end of things?

As far as the virginity stuff - you're gonna have to come to grips with it. He's got a past - get past it. There's nothing that can be done about it. Seek solace in the fact that he's with you, not her.

RE: Porn - If he says he isn't watching, why not believe him until you have reason to believe otherwise? Is he performing well in bed? Does he still want sex often?

FYI - I don't like it either because I think it wrecks relationships. Same with toys. I think more often than not, men will waste their sexual energy on porn, and women will waste it on toys - rather than their partners. What kind of relationship is that?

You'll have people argue argue argue to teeth about this but in my experience, having a little self control, on both parts, has enhanced my sexual relationship with my girlfriend.

[Guest]

Ok, here's a question.
At what point does a guy consider themselves to be in a relationship?

In the past, I considered myself *not* in a relationship until it was brought up and an agreement was made.

My current relationship was 5 months old when we had a talk.

This guy must like you a lot.

[Isiss]

As far as the virginity stuff - you're gonna have to come to grips with it. He's got a past - get past it. There's nothing that can be done about it. Seek solace in the fact that he's with you, not her.

I'm much better with it than I used to be. We've talked about it and he's been nothing but reassuring and understanding, so things are shaping up. Just wanted to let 1life know that she's not alone in feeling that way!

RE: Porn - If he says he isn't watching, why not believe him until you have reason to believe otherwise? Is he performing well in bed? Does he still want sex often?

FYI - I don't like it either because I think it wrecks relationships. Same with toys. I think more often than not, men will waste their sexual energy on porn, and women will waste it on toys - rather than their partners. What kind of relationship is that?

You'll have people argue argue argue to teeth about this but in my experience, having a little self control, on both parts, has enhanced my sexual relationship with my girlfriend.

Yes, things are still great in bed. To be honest it's probably more of a complex I've got that I need to get over! This is the first guy I've dated who's been completely honest (or I assume so) with me - my ex had a tendency to lie, specifically about other women and relationship/physically intimate situations. I do understand my current boyfriend is not my ex, so I am working very hard to give him the benefit of the doubt!

Just, the porn thing seems so hard to believe, as it seems everywhere I turn, all my male friends say it's completely normal and to be expected that all guys watch porn all the time. Haha!

[Isiss]

Sigh, I don't know how to edit my post. I'm a noob.

I did mean to say, however, that I do promise I'm not holding him to a double standard! I don't have any toys that I use in my time alone, though he's mentioned to me once or twice he'd like to get me one for us to play with (he's really into getting to see me masturbating, or getting to help me masturbate - is that normal? I have no idea). I'm not sure how I feel about that, as I prefer him to anything fake, but I'd be more than willing to go for it if it's something he's really interested in.

[Guest]

Sigh, I don't know how to edit my post. I'm a noob.

I did mean to say, however, that I do promise I'm not holding him to a double standard! I don't have any toys that I use in my time alone, though he's mentioned to me once or twice he'd like to get me one for us to play with (he's really into getting to see me masturbating, or getting to help me masturbate - is that normal? I have no idea). I'm not sure how I feel about that, as I prefer him to anything fake, but I'd be more than willing to go for it if it's something he's really interested in.

I'd convince him otherwise about the toys - you can masturbate for him without toys. As an added bonus, by using your hands, you can show him the best way for HIM to do it, too.

Yes its _completely_ normal - I love watching my girl play with herself.

[nightqueen]

Sigh, I don't know how to edit my post. I'm a noob.

I did mean to say, however, that I do promise I'm not holding him to a double standard! I don't have any toys that I use in my time alone, though he's mentioned to me once or twice he'd like to get me one for us to play with (he's really into getting to see me masturbating, or getting to help me masturbate - is that normal? I have no idea). I'm not sure how I feel about that, as I prefer him to anything fake, but I'd be more than willing to go for it if it's something he's really interested in.

Yes, it's totally normal, and there's nothing wrong with toys. If it's something you enjoy together and it makes things a little more fun or different, then use them.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sigh, I don't know how to edit my post. I'm a noob.

I did mean to say, however, that I do promise I'm not holding him to a double standard! I don't have any toys that I use in my time alone, though he's mentioned to me once or twice he'd like to get me one for us to play with (he's really into getting to see me masturbating, or getting to help me masturbate - is that normal? I have no idea). I'm not sure how I feel about that, as I prefer him to anything fake, but I'd be more than willing to go for it if it's something he's really interested in.

Isiss, your not a noob

You can't edit posts on this Forum, only the Admin and Moderators can and if there is something really out there that you really want edited send us a Visitors Message..

As for a man seeing you masterbate is that normal? Having no inhibitions in a loving relationship will allow you both to be totally free with each other... If it doesn't bother you to try, then try. If it does, then don't do it. It's a matter of choice.

But, it's nice to compromise sometimes for your partner.

CW

[SFDad]

re: Pebble: "Is it just he sees me everyday and we tend to have sex everyday so hes not as 'desperate' anymore?? "

First of all its normal. I still remember a friend of mine who commented a few months after moving in with his girlfriend "some nights we don't even have sex and that okay!"

But that doesn't mean that if you miss it, you shouldn't do something about it. You can talk with your BF or you can do it to him. Really, for most of us it wouldn't take much- leave a note in his lunch telling him you will be home naked in bed waiting for him or anything like that. It just sounds like you have gotten into a routine and that can be stirred up with just a little effort. Really, for most guys it won't take much at all- just let him know you really, really want it.