[newhere808]

I have really been enjoying reading this thread. It's so nice to get a man's perspective on things.
This is my first post and I have two questions.
Is longeret a big turn on, or does it not matter much? I know it's going to vary from man to man, but they say you are such visual creatures...

I would assume it depends on what attracts your man. It's a good rule of thumb that if your guys finds you attractive, any clothing that showcases it or sensationalizes it is a good bet. For me, I love it, but it isn't necessary. My ex and I used to joke about how she'd go through all the trouble of having it just for me to have it off her in 5 minutes. Then again it was the desired affect so she didn't complain.

In regards to the hair thing, I think this is simply preference. If a guy likes girls with longer hair, he will naturally be less than impressed if it's cut, as it's one of the things he enjoys about you. Some guys are weird like that. But it's similar to a girl getting nitpicky about what her BF wears, or grooms (or doesn't).

[newhere808]

Newhere808,

Thank you for your input. I guess a bit more information might be neccessary. The thing is, we're pretty open with our communication, and the issue has come up several times. I explain that it's not really the lack of sex that frustrates me, anyone can manage a quick fix for some pent-up sexual frustration and you certainly don't need a partner for that. It's the lack of intimacy and connection, the feeling of being unwanted (or call that undesired if you wish). Whenever I try to explain that, in just about the same words, for some reason all that he gets out of that is "I NEED to have my fix".

I do understand that it's not a man's responsibility to initiate things all the time, and I do try at times, but can't help feeling even worse when I get turned down. It was hard for me not to get discouraged when I'd get so excited at the thought of wearing something that I assumed would get him revved up, like a leather miniskirt I had bought just because I know he LOVES leather, and have him walk into the house, walk right past me, and into the kitchen...

I do try to please him as best I can, without expecting reciprocation or one-hour long sessions everytime, and he says sex is amazing and does seem to enjoy whatever we do, but doesn't understand that what I crave is the emotional closeness and the feeling of actually being desired by him rather than the mere sexual act.

It's hard to explain, expecially when frustration gets in the way, but I care deeply for him and have even played with the thought of us going to see a councelor maybe, I just want him to see my point of view without thinking it's all because "I just need to get some"...

Well, sorry for all the rambling...it's somewhat relieving to finally talk to someone (or some few ) ...

Don't get me wrong, it should be about the intimacy and the emotional connection (I agree with as much anyway), but there will be those times where it's just fulfillment, though it shouldn't just be about that. Perhaps councelling isn't a bad idea, if he's game. It could be that he is accustomed to showing affection through certain ways, such as sex, and to him that is the end of it, it's rather interesting the way that some people feel "love" is displayed. I think there is definately much to be gained from talking about it, at least it would be better than being stuck feeling the way you are now.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

In regard to pornography, strip clubs, and prostitutes.

In the end one loves one's desire and not what is desired. - Friedrich Nietzsche.

[Goodgirl93]

I know all guys are different,But What physical feature of the face,attracts men most?

[StillLearnin]

WHY is my guy so fascinated with what Im thinking during sex??

HELLLOOOO...Im moaning...shut up. Dont ask me how my day was.

For me, I want to know so I can adjust if needed to make it more pleasurable for her.

But if it's a fantasy about another man, I really don't want to know... Whatever gets her off at the time. But if she's ALWAYS thinking about the other man, now that's a problem that I would want to know about. Obviously I'm not doing something right if she always has to fantasize.

[WildChild]

LOL i can relate to Ace on this. I'm focused, into my body and the connection between us, feeling. I don't want to do a running commentary on it. When I do, because it gets him all hot -it's for him. not me.

[newhere808]

I know all guys are different,But What physical feature of the face,attracts men most?

Smile and eyes for me. Sexy eyes go a long, long way.

[rcoreyus]

A smile.

I know all guys are different,But What physical feature of the face,attracts men most?

[stressed]

Stressed,

If only I had a penny (well, make that a quarter, with the prices these days ) for everytime I've asked myself that...

I've been reading around here for a few weeks (thanks to everyone by the way for all the great information and entertainment!!) and when I read your question I just HAD to register and vent a bit.

But yes, it's frustrating, and the frustration doesn't come from insecurity (personally, I REALLY don't mind him watching porn or even pointing out someone's or whatever), it's rather the bitter feeling of getting the short end of the stick out of the whole deal. The desire is ovbiously there, just not for you it seems...

And guys, I read your quick and dirty answers , in my situation I don't think it's a matter of lack of responsibility to please back, the willingness to please is there WHEN things get going...what's frustrating is the lack of desire to get things going in the first place ...

I feel like for being only 4 years into a relationship, the desire to be intimate should still be there reasonably often, not just once a week (or even two weeks) when pipes have gotten backed up and need a cleaning.

Am I unreasonable in my expectations???? (Not a rhetorical question by the way)

Hi, welcome to the forum I'm glad I was the reason to make you register, I hope this place can help you a little bit as it has helped me.

Yes, it is very frustrating, stressful and, for me, humiliating. At the moment I am seriously considering breaking up with my fiance over it. It's been like this since we agreed to be together, I can't take it anymore. We've just had yet another argument about it as he doesn't understand me.

His behaviour makes me feel less of a woman, a little bit every day, and I will soon just break. He calls me controlling I say he's addicted. The sex is bad or non existent, he doesn't care about physically showing me that he finds me attractive and he always drools over anything sexual, from something shown on a screen or an attractive woman walking down the street. I don't feel enough for him and I don't think I ever will. He wants to marry me but I can't do it, not when it's like that.

He'd never seek counseling as he thinks he's normal and I am the controlling perfectionist. The thought of spending the rest of my life with a man who finds porn and sexual depictions more exciting than myself scares the death out of me. We've been living together for a 1 yea and 1/2, I just can't take it anymore, I feel worthless as a woman.
Sorry for the long post.

[happytam]

What a great thread. This has provided some very informative, and entertaining, reading. I havent read through everything so I apologize if my question has already been addressed.
Over the past couple of years I have gained weight. I no longer have the body I used to and it has made me much more self-conscious, especially in the bedroom. My SO says it is not the weight gain that bothers him but instead it is my lack of self confidence. Its hard to be confident when I compare myself now to what I was a year and a half ago. I guess my question is... does confidence really make that much of a difference?

Dont get me wrong... I am so happy and lucky to have him in my life and I know he loves me but I wonder if he is saying it to keep me from going all emo or if thats how men really feel.