[stressed]

I occasionally do that too, but that's only because he's either too tired or the sex was just boring. If I knew he'd be ever up for it I'd rather wake him up instead but it's pointless.

He's also noticed it once but it didn't turn him on, all he said was he doesn't mind. So...

[Bill S]

Thanks for all the input guys & gals. It's helping me get some perspective on this, especially since I don't dare talk to anybody else I know about it. Feels good to share. That and it's strangely comforting to know that other women out there do the same.

Hopeless Dork, I have also thought that too, but I'm a very good fake snorer (tip for guys who want to try this to see) and have hidden a recorder to see exactly how I snore. That and it was nice to hear her again the next day with the headphones on while I was listing my ebay items. I suppose it's possible she knows, but if you knew how my wife was about getting caught doing something she's not supposed to or being put on the spot then not likely. If she's committed whether I find out or not because she likes it too much, then the only time she might become suspicious are the nights I do it too. I think I shake the bed a little, but hers are a bit stronger so she may not notice. Because if she thinks I might know then perhaps she finds comfort in the fact that I haven't brought it up or put her on the spot about it or that she can come back with "well you do it too." It has crossed my mind (what if?), but I certainly don't lead on like I know she knows so it's all good.

As for OhThereYouAre, there were times when I thought that: "Man am I just not enough" or "darnit this sucks that I can't join in." I have had VERY slight feelings of jealousy about it, but you know what I would rather her do that then with another guy. Another girl?, well that's a story for another time. Trust me, it WILL turn you on regardless. There's just something about your significant other doing it in person that trumps any model or superstar on video. That and there's something you have to understand. Women are made differently than we are sexually. If I can't 100% satisfy her orgasmicly then all the power to her. I know I'm doing my job (getting her off twice every time and sometimes 3 or 4 if we're having a marathon) anyway and if her body is built differently and can have more then all the power to her. I know I would, but we're just not made that way. (I guarantee after 5 minutes of listening to that, though, you'll be ready to go again, regardless of whether you just went 5 minutes ago or not!) I have read up on it and it's perfectly natural and quite common for women to be able to keep going over and over. So I see nothing wrong with it. I'm sure she would be more than happy (aside from getting caught) if I were to jump right in during one of her excursions, but I know it would take all the fun away from it. Trust me, it's worth investigating and you'll be more turned on than jealous or angry.

Stressed, I wouldn't be surprised if he was turned on by it and just didn't lead on, rather took the high road with it. Perhaps to do what I do sometimes?

[Guest]

As for OhThereYouAre, there were times when I thought that: "Man am I just not enough" or "darnit this sucks that I can't join in." I have had VERY slight feelings of jealousy about it, but you know what I would rather her do that then with another guy. Another girl?, well that's a story for another time. Trust me, it WILL turn you on regardless. There's just something about your significant other doing it in person that trumps any model or superstar on video. That and there's something you have to understand. Women are made differently than we are sexually. If I can't 100% satisfy her orgasmicly then all the power to her. I know I'm doing my job (getting her off twice every time and sometimes 3 or 4 if we're having a marathon) anyway and if her body is built differently and can have more then all the power to her. I know I would, but we're just not made that way. (I guarantee after 5 minutes of listening to that, though, you'll be ready to go again, regardless of whether you just went 5 minutes ago or not!) I have read up on it and it's perfectly natural and quite common for women to be able to keep going over and over. So I see nothing wrong with it. I'm sure she would be more than happy (aside from getting caught) if I were to jump right in during one of her excursions, but I know it would take all the fun away from it. Trust me, it's worth investigating and you'll be more turned on than jealous or angry.

I'm well versed with the female body and with the female orgasm. The sexual part isn't what would bug me. My fiance masturbated in front of me last night before we had sex.

What strikes me is that she's attempting to keep it a secret. And that she feels that she needs to do it in private. And that she doesn't share it with you. What's the point of marriage if you can't tell each other everything?

If my fiance asked me if I had masturbated, i'd tell her, and vice versa. You stated that yours would deny it.

It sounds like there might be a trust or communication issue if this was going on. That's what is disturbing to me.

[rcoreyus]

YES, for most guys.

Does it really turn most guys on, to see/hear a girl masturbate? If yes then heck, I might just pick up this habit myself. See if I can get him to show me some attention in the middle of the night.

[Bill S]

Well I look at it a little different since every situation is going to be unique and everyone handles issues differently. First of all, I myself have masturbated while my wife wasn't home to porn. I don't see anything wrong with it and most studies show that it is common for both partners to do that (not necessarily to porn though) on occasion. Most guys would lie if they said they haven't done that either, married or not. My wife does masturbate in front of me with a vibrator before and during sex. However, given her personality and how easily she gets embarrassed (she doesn't even fart around me or let me know when she's got to take a dump) I think it's perfectly understandable why she doesn't tell me. She might be worried that I might think she has a problem with chronic masturbation or might think less of her. But studies show there's really no such thing. And if it feels that good and she likes it that much then I would rather her do it behind my back than hold in all that stress. Everyone is allowed their privacy and I can't just close my ears while my heart is racing from being aroused. So in order to keep the peace, allow her some form of privacy (by not confronting her about it), and to release stress then I say all the power to her. I don't see anything wrong with it and to my knowledge she has never cheated on me, especially considering we work together and are around each other 24-7. I don't think she would hesitate to tell me either if she wasn't embarrassed by it, but again I think everyone is allowed some privacy/secrets as long as they're not harming the other party or cheating on them. Especially considering our sex life has never suffered from it (gotten better in my opinion) and we ALL fantasize about another guy or girl during sex with your partner from time to time. It's perfectly natural, but not something you would come right out and say. "Honey that was great...yeah I was thinking about that supermodel the whole time too...just wanted to be totally honest" Don't see that happening...

[nightqueen]

Well I look at it a little different since every situation is going to be unique and everyone handles issues differently. First of all, I myself have masturbated while my wife wasn't home to porn. I don't see anything wrong with it and most studies show that it is common for both partners to do that (not necessarily to porn though) on occasion. Most guys would lie if they said they haven't done that either, married or not. My wife does masturbate in front of me with a vibrator before and during sex. However, given her personality and how easily she gets embarrassed (she doesn't even fart around me or let me know when she's got to take a dump) I think it's perfectly understandable why she doesn't tell me. She might be worried that I might think she has a problem with chronic masturbation or might think less of her. But studies show there's really no such thing. And if it feels that good and she likes it that much then I would rather her do it behind my back than hold in all that stress. Everyone is allowed their privacy and I can't just close my ears while my heart is racing from being aroused. So in order to keep the peace, allow her some form of privacy (by not confronting her about it), and to release stress then I say all the power to her. I don't see anything wrong with it and to my knowledge she has never cheated on me, especially considering we work together and are around each other 24-7. I don't think she would hesitate to tell me either if she wasn't embarrassed by it, but again I think everyone is allowed some privacy/secrets as long as they're not harming the other party or cheating on them. Especially considering our sex life has never suffered from it (gotten better in my opinion) and we ALL fantasize about another guy or girl during sex with your partner from time to time. It's perfectly natural, but not something you would come right out and say. "Honey that was great...yeah I was thinking about that supermodel the whole time too...just wanted to be totally honest" Don't see that happening...

There's nothing wrong with what's going on. Speaking from a married person, and not just someone who's engaged, I think that it's fine for the husband and/or wife to have some things they keep private. If it's not hurting your sex life, but making it better, then why not! If it makes her happy and you like it, no need to worry.

[PJhavinfunagain]

sometimes when you have been married for a while you want something that is just yours. If it is not hurting your marriage I do not see it being a problem. I have only recently started masturbating. Would I rather be with DH? Of course but it is not always possible. He has physical limitations right now. He also works a weird 12 hr shift plus commutes an hr each way. During those 3 days I usually will not get any sex. If I hint but can see that he is spent I will let him sleep and I will take care of myself. In days past I would just get upset and it would make me crabby for days. Do what works for your marriage.

[Guest]

There's nothing wrong with what's going on. Speaking from a married person, and not just someone who's engaged, I think that it's fine for the husband and/or wife to have some things they keep private. If it's not hurting your sex life, but making it better, then why not! If it makes her happy and you like it, no need to worry.

As if a married person's ideas are any more reliable than a single person's. The only thing you have that single folks don't is a legally binding piece of paper and claim on each other's assets. And last I read close to 60% of married people end their marriages in divorce.

If you want to resign yourself to subterfuge and dishonesty within your marriage, that is your business.

I like sleeping at night.

I won't accept dishonesty. Nor will I lie or hide things from my partner.

[Ashlee T.]

To each their own. I'm no judge. I think when two people are together, and they have an experience that works for them, then it really doesn't matter if it works for anyone else. Some people are successful swingers......for others it destroys their marriages..... point and case, we're all different.

Bill, this is a beautiful thing to you, you enjoy it, get intense pleasure from it........clearly love and know your wife very well. I think it's great.

OTYA - When I go poo I don't tell my mate....and sometimes even if he says "Do you EVER take a dump?!"...I still don't tell him. There are certain things I'm very modest about, shy about...... does it make for a dishonest relationship? No......I personally don't think so. In the past, I would text my guy and let him know I was about to enjoy some "personal pleasure". Although it didn't upset him, he'd be jealous and say "No fair!".......when really I was sharing it with him to excite him, turn him on. So now, I don't share it with him. Do I still do it? Yep. Does it make me dishonest? No, I personally don't think so. Should I not do it just because he might get jealous? Uhhh......heck no! His jealousy, his insecurity = HIS problem. So.......my opinion is that saying that Bill is resigning himself to a dishonest marriage is a bit extreme. He knows his lady, he knows her modesty, and he knows that just because you marry someone doesn't mean you have to lose every ounce of individuality, independence and privacy you have. I'm super independent, and I can assure you that if I ever marry, and my husband wants me to pass gas in front of him, or wants to know when I poo......that's part of me that I don't intend to share like an open book. If that makes me no marriage material, then shucks,.....guess I'm out of luck.

[Guest]

To each their own. I'm no judge. I think when two people are together, and they have an experience that works for them, then it really doesn't matter if it works for anyone else. Some people are successful swingers......for others it destroys their marriages..... point and case, we're all different.

Bill, this is a beautiful thing to you, you enjoy it, get intense pleasure from it........clearly love and know your wife very well. I think it's great.

OTYA - When I go poo I don't tell my mate....and sometimes even if he says "Do you EVER take a dump?!"...I still don't tell him. There are certain things I'm very modest about, shy about...... does it make for a dishonest relationship? No......I personally don't think so. In the past, I would text my guy and let him know I was about to enjoy some "personal pleasure". Although it didn't upset him, he'd be jealous and say "No fair!".......when really I was sharing it with him to excite him, turn him on. So now, I don't share it with him. Do I still do it? Yep. Does it make me dishonest? No, I personally don't think so. Should I not do it just because he might get jealous? Uhhh......heck no! His jealousy, his insecurity = HIS problem. So.......my opinion is that saying that Bill is resigning himself to a dishonest marriage is a bit extreme. He knows his lady, he knows her modesty, and he knows that just because you marry someone doesn't mean you have to lose every ounce of individuality, independence and privacy you have. I'm super independent, and I can assure you that if I ever marry, and my husband wants me to pass gas in front of him, or wants to know when I poo......that's part of me that I don't intend to share like an open book. If that makes me no marriage material, then shucks,.....guess I'm out of luck.

You guys are turning this into a sex/masturbation issue. As I stated before I don't think there is anything wrong with compensating for the difference in a couple's sex drives.

This is a trust and communication issue.

He stated, "If I asked her she'd deny it."

In other words, she'd lie.

That indicates a problem.