[Tod121]

Tod it sounds like your wife is a sexual woman... but that she really only gets to delve into those feelings when she is stress free... which sounds like when she is home alone... unfortunately you are not there also in those moments and for good reason... ya gotta work. Perhaps you can help create more of those moments when you are home... like getting a sitter and taking her out more often. You guys have kids and responsibilities and so much that can get in the way of making her feel like the sexual woman she is I think the more alone time you can squeeze in the better... even just to go for a walk in the evening a couple days a week.

A time to connect... where you both promise to talk about anything and everything EXCEPT for your jobs or your kids... so it will be like dating again. Most couples lose that intimate connection when their every waking moment together revolves around susies grades or bobs undeserved promotion etc... They say if you go on dates and don't talk about your kids or money... it will leave you guys to talking about the things you use to... your thoughts on a variety of things from art to cinema to hobbies and so on...

Flirt, compliment, be naughty, send HER a dirty text throughout the day... start that slow burn in her mind that will come to a boil by the time the two of you are alone together... reconnect.

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All makes sense, just hard to put into practise due to kid's demands and a severe lack of money, i.e. we're struggling to afford the basics let alone treats and evenings out but I know this is all down to re-prioritising, etc. I thought yesterday to make a bigger effort to smile, cuddle up to her even if she is ranting at the kids or moaning about the lack of money. Doesn't always work; can often get shrugged off but she seemed to appreciate the interest last night. When I worked from home about a month ago and she skipped out with her sister, I texted her, turning the tables and saying "I was bored" and she just replied saying "there was plenty of washing and ironing to be done", I replied saying "I had something else in mind", I had no further texts from her that day.

[Hopeless Dork]

ahhh, I can understand your frustration about her taking off with her sister... but your text wasn't exactly a tempting one "i'm bored"... wouldn't exactly get her heated up and running home I would be sort of offended, like... ahh... so you're bored and just expecting me to come home and 'entertain you'... next time try with the ... i want you so bad right now... or some steamy message that will get her to hurry home.

[Tod121]

ahhh, I can understand your frustration about her taking off with her sister... but your text wasn't exactly a tempting one "i'm bored"... wouldn't exactly get her heated up and running home I would be sort of offended, like... ahh... so you're bored and just expecting me to come home and 'entertain you'... next time try with the ... i want you so bad right now... or some steamy message that will get her to hurry home.

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Point taken but I just started the text the same as she has with me. 1 reason for not being too obvious is in case her Mum or sister picked up her mobile and read it for her, if she was busy or something, quite possible as they are very "clicky".

[WildChild]

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Point taken but I just started the text the same as she has with me. 1 reason for not being too obvious is in case her Mum or sister picked up her mobile and read it for her, if she was busy or something, quite possible as they are very "clicky".

Well then mayge they'ii get the hint and give you some space.
If you go reading other people's texts/emails/letters you can expect to get embarassed.

[Slick1983]

I, too, caught my wife masturbating. Thinking back, for probably a year, she has been going to the bathroom to "warm up." She's cold natured and I thought nothing of it. But, two days ago, she left the door ajar a little (she's clostraphobic and almost never locks or shuts the door) and I saw her. She was naked, but asleep with hand between her legs. I woke her up and she jerked her hand from her vagina. We have not discussed it, but I believe she knows I saw her. I also peeped in later and saw her legs moving and I've seen other clues, so I am sure she is masturbating.
My heart raced, I hyperventalated and was so excited, since I thought she had given up on sex after menopause. I started reading about it before I asked her to join me. But as I read some of these and other posts, I am becoming discouraged, sick and a bit jealous. I believe she will feel like I am violating her and either deny it or certainly keep it private. She is a very honest person and said she had never masturbated when we met and has shamed me for doing it (until about the time she took it up herself). She is much the lady, missionary only, although she use to give me oral sex. I love her, I want to have sex with her, I would like to masturbate with her, but I want her to stop doing it on the sly. If anyone has made it through this, please let me know. I honestly, don't know what to do.

[oxy-moron]

Get into massage with her.
Buy some body butter( Shea butter and coconut oil)
Ask her to let you massage her feet- back- legs.
Ask her to massage your back.
Make the massage light and sensual. It will take weeks or months to be effective but eventually her oxytocin levels will climb to the point where she will develop an interest for more intimate contact.
Good luck- Keep us up to date with any progress.

[Slick1983]

I was like some others on this thread. I couldn't wait and I confronted her. She explained it all away as coincidences, I felt foolish and dropped it. She cut down her long stays in the bathroom and I began to try to reestablish our sex life. Slowly, she returned to the long bathroom visits, usually an hour long. I confronted her again a couple days ago, asuring her that she could masturbate in bed with me and that I would only do what she wanted, do nothing at all, even not come to bed until she was finished. I told her it was doing it in private that bothered me, not masturbating, which she knows I do. Again she denied it. I hate to tell her I peeked in and saw movement and heard soft groans. I want to give her privacy. I also want her to be honest but she can't be and she usually tells the truth no matter what. I don't want to keep bringing it up, giving more and more evidence. What would be wonderful together is tearing us apart. I feel like she is cheating on me.

[sarah14]

one nite i was layin in bed drifting a sleep and my partner must of thought i was sleepin anyway he started masturbating and i didnt kno how to react to it, it turned me on but i didnt want to wake up just in case he got annoyed wit me or somethin like that, but after readin the previous comment i wonder how he would react if i tried doin it to myself i wonder if it would spice up our love life

[oldtimer]

wife denies masturbating

Ladies, I am a 36 year old happily married man and need input if anyone is willing to share. My wife and I have been together since 2001 and about a year ago I discovered that she masturbates at night after I fall asleep. She’s 30 by the way. It's a wonder I didn't find out before, but I fall asleep fast and sleep really well. However one night last year she woke me up jerking the bed. I laid there motionless and was SOOO turned on. My heart was beating 90 miles a minute and I had to watch my breathing. Now sometimes I fall asleep after a few minutes, but sometimes stay up with her during the duration because it STILL turns me on to no end. She is very shy about masturbation and has denied ever doing it without a vibrator. She says that when she does that (during sex) it rubs her raw and is why she never masturbated before. Is that even possible considering a woman’s natural lubrication? We have a GREAT sex life (every other day on average) and I ALWAYS go down on her for the first orgasm and she uses a vibrator during sex for the second. But apparently she wants more. I would never tell her I know because first I don't want to embarrass her and second I enjoy it too much just listening. Many times I even squeeze the head of my penis together on that spot over and over until I go myself. At first I was suspicious that maybe I was hearing or feeling things, but she gave it away when she jerked real hard during one ordeal, breathed really heavy, and that soft sweet wet sound of playing with herself. Our sex life has gotten even better since then and I swear every day she makes me hornier and hornier. We do ebay for a living and set our own hours. I get up between 9:30 and 10 and she sleeps in til 11:00. She says she has a hard time falling asleep, but I know better. One time I swear she was still doing it going on 4:00 in the morning! Is that possible and does it feel THAT good the 3rd 4th or 5th time? Granted we went to bed at 1:00, but that's just amazing. I would say she has on average 3-5 more after the 2 during sex. It takes her a while because she tries real hard not to breathe heavy or move much, but the goal of having an orgasm takes over. Listening to it is like heaven on earth. I’m more tired now the next day, but it’s so worth it. Ladies, if you ever want to spice up your sex life, TRUST ME, you MUST try this with your significant other. I GUARANTEE he will be turned on and want you more. Just start soft and early (so you know he’s still awake, but yet late enough so that you think he thinks you’re asleep) so that he's suspicious at first. Don’t be too obvious, yet see what happens. While everyone is different and some guys might say "uhhh, honey what are you doing?" or an even more backwards response like "how dare you," but I guarantee it's a chance worth taking, especially if your love life is faltering. You can even blame me for suggesting it and show him this paragraph for the reason you tried it in the first place. That might save you some guilt or embarrassment and then just say, sorry I thought it might work, won't try it again. But as you know, most guys are turned on when they see a woman masturbating and even more so when they think nobody is looking. I find myself now even thinking about my wife more than fantasizing about having sex with other women while I masturbate. I was just wondering how common this is and if any of you have ever done it or do it on a regular basis yourself. Thoughts?

I once asked my wife of many years if she masturbated but she denied doing so. I felt she was uncomfortable being asked and so I did not pursue it further. She claims that her clitoris is very sensitive and that after menopause she has little or no sex desire.

But I know for a fact that, after I have gone downstairs in the morning and leave her alone in the bedroom, she masturbates regularly using a "lipstick" vibrator.

It does not bother me as I feel she is entitled to get sexual satisfaction in whatever way pleases her. She clearly regards this as a private matter and prefers this to unsuccessfully or rarely getting an orgasm before or during intercourse. I am happy to get my satisfaction by masturbation. In other ways we are physically close.

So my advice to you and those in your position is do not question your wife or partner about what she does or you think she does. As long as she does not neglect you in lovemaking department just accept her for who she is and what she does. Feelings of insecurity or rejection are a killer to a happy relationship.

[Delilah37]

ive tried this before right after he fell asleep. because i usually do it to go to sleep anyway. but i can't keep my hands to my self so i end up getting him to roll over. still sleep & I'll masturbate with one hand& grip him with the other. eventually he'll wake up lol which only starts really good sex. i think its great what you and your wife got.