[StillLearnin]

However, solo masturbation after sex suggests either a too high sex drive or non-satisfying sex. Both which should be looked into. That would be hard to accept I think...we've just had great sex in my opinion and you need to masturbate. WT?

I do this occasionally. But it's due to my high sex drive, not being unsatisfied.

What do you mean "should be looked into?" The couple, or try to increase the drive in the low drive partner, or try to decrease the drive in the partner with the high sex drive, what?

Many times I want to go a second round, but she just won't do it. Sometimes I feel after the first time I'm just getting going and want to continue. I take care of it myself after she gets up without telling her. There's some things she just doesn't want to know. So I respect that.

[WildChild]

My wife and I have been together for 11 years (I'm 30 she is 35)

When we first got together on the subject of masturbation she said that she didn't! Being an 18 year old male I didn't believe her, but she convinced me she felt no need to.

Over Christmas we had had a few drinks and it came out kind of randomly that around 6 months to a year ago she had started masturbating quite frequently.

We have sex 1 - 2 time per week and to be honest it has been that way for a good few years, I have always wanted more (as men usually do) and have always masturbsated, in fact sometimes I would stay up to masturbate rather than going to bed together. (although this is not something I would be honest about)

Last night I woke in the night and her breathing was very heavy I was sure she'd been masturbating. I have been feeling really jealous and today I feel horrible, I know that I shouldn't nad masturbation is natural and something to be enjoyed, I just feel like i've lost something especially when she didn't used to.

I actually think that she is probably masturbating daily.

I feel genuinly gutted, I feel completly wrong for feeling this way, please help me.

Talk to her. Lovingly, even teasingly. If you get tense or huffy about this she may shut down and not want to talk.

How is sex when you do have it? Do you vary it or have a pretty set pattern? Is there plenty of foreplay, at least part of the time before sex? Do you ever just focus on getting her completely aroused, bring her to orgasm without intercourse?

Don't think of this as something that "guts" you or cuts you out, rather you should take a positive view. She coming into her own as a sexual woman. It sounds like the two of you may not communicate well about your sexual needs, you say you've masterbated regularly but would not be honest about if asked. You didn't believe her years ago when she said she didn't masterbate but now you are floored to find that she has started. So you are essentially upset with her for doing what you have been doing for years? Why is that?
Could it be that you feel your needs haven't been met for years, so now you feel her's must not be being met? And that is a reflection on you?

I never masterbated as a teen, granted I was pretty active sexually but still it never occured to me. Now I do so regularly and have for years. I don't think it's all that unusual a pattern.

Take a look at the thread about books on sex. Maybe get some additional education to take things up a level?
But most of all, Talk. No judgements, no upsets, just communicate.

[stabilo]

Talk to her. Lovingly, even teasingly. If you get tense or huffy about this she may shut down and not want to talk.

How is sex when you do have it? Do you vary it or have a pretty set pattern? Is there plenty of foreplay, at least part of the time before sex? Do you ever just focus on getting her completely aroused, bring her to orgasm without intercourse?

Don't think of this as something that "guts" you or cuts you out, rather you should take a positive view. She coming into her own as a sexual woman. It sounds like the two of you may not communicate well about your sexual needs, you say you've masterbated regularly but would not be honest about if asked. You didn't believe her years ago when she said she didn't masterbate but now you are floored to find that she has started. So you are essentially upset with her for doing what you have been doing for years? Why is that?
Could it be that you feel your needs haven't been met for years, so now you feel her's must not be being met? And that is a reflection on you?

I never masterbated as a teen, granted I was pretty active sexually but still it never occured to me. Now I do so regularly and have for years. I don't think it's all that unusual a pattern.

Take a look at the thread about books on sex. Maybe get some additional education to take things up a level?
But most of all, Talk. No judgements, no upsets, just communicate.

I think that a lot of what you say is spot on.

If I had to nail it down, I think there is a selfish part of me that would like to have more sex, and i'm just getting all huppity about it like an idiot.


Sex with us is usually quite a long affair, we both love foreplay and Oral and it is actually quite rare that we just have a quickie. But maybe that is it, maybe it is just that it is less simple to have an orgasm with me than on her own. Maybe that's what i'm jealous of

I don't know - all I know is that I want to be involved, I feel shut out from something I would dearly love and cherish to see, be around, be apart of it. It must sound cliche, but this is not because I want an orgasm myself, just want to be part of it

[WildChild]

Perhaps you should vary things more. Lots of foreplay and build up is simply lovely and can lead to wonderful sex but sometimes it's fun to just go at it fast and furious with no lead up. Or how about masterbating together - personally that doesn't do much for me but some people love it. There is a book called Lube Job, that has a lot of idea for those times in between the long lovely sessions, maybe that would be a useful thing to give a look through?

[Ros2007]

My boyfriend is constantly wanting me to masterbate in front of him. I have done it, don't get me wrong. One of his biggest fantasies is to video tape me. Anyways I don't do it for him that often, but after reading these I think I'm going to have to try doing it when he thinks that I think he is asleep, and see what comes of it. (<

[stabilo]

Perhaps you should vary things more. Lots of foreplay and build up is simply lovely and can lead to wonderful sex but sometimes it's fun to just go at it fast and furious with no lead up. Or how about masterbating together - personally that doesn't do much for me but some people love it. There is a book called Lube Job, that has a lot of idea for those times in between the long lovely sessions, maybe that would be a useful thing to give a look through?

I would love to masterbate each other.

Actually I would give my arms to do it to her, outside of just being the precursor to sex.

There is something I am dearly missing here, and I am not sure what it is.

I think it's the ease of just having a bit of fun quickly, having an orgasm and going off to sleep happy

Maybe not

If it is that why should I even want to be involved, maybe she just wants to cut out the nonsense and do her own thing

Still feeling jealous today, but feeling a bit better

thanks again for your time.

[Moon]

Actually, practically the only way i can pleasure myself is wile i'm asleep and having a wet dream (usually happens thanks to Yaoi books and Manga i read) and I start touching myself and dont know it till i wake myself up with it and it feels good. when i'm fully awake i just cant make it feel good (except two times one was a normal attempt at materbateing and trying to make myself feel good when my man was down state, the second time is a completely different story that is related to this topic (I think) so i will share it in a bit.) and When i wake myself up by masturbating, I know it turns on my man, as i woke him up too and as soon as he sees I'm awake he takes over for me.

The second time i masturbated wile fully awake, it was dark outside and my man and I were driving home from his grandmother's cabin. and we played Pud-diddle. (when you see a car with only one headlight you hit the roof and say "pud-diddle" and the members of the opposite sex has to remove a piece of clothing.) He was driving, and so he had an advantage over me and he soon had me completely naked. and he started playing with me with his free hand and he got me so horny that i needed to masturbate and when i did that it turned him on so much he had to pull into a parking lot to get in on the action more. (by this point we were half a block away from my house lol)

[tabris]

We have a GREAT sex life (every other day on average) and I ALWAYS go down on her for the first orgasm and she uses a vibrator during sex for the second....Our sex life has gotten even better since then and I swear every day she makes me hornier and hornier.

Ok firstly I have trouble believing that a married couple has a sex life like you describe. This sounds more like an erotic fantasy story geared toward a female market. In reality men get more and more bored with their wives or even just girlfriends as time goes on. And they certainly do not fantasize about their own wife!

Ladies, if you ever want to spice up your sex life, TRUST ME, you MUST try this with your significant other. I GUARANTEE he will be turned on and want you more. Just start soft and early (so you know he’s still awake, but yet late enough so that you think he thinks you’re asleep) so that he's suspicious at first. Don’t be too obvious, yet see what happens. While everyone is different and some guys might say "uhhh, honey what are you doing?" or an even more backwards response like "how dare you," but I guarantee it's a chance worth taking, especially if your love life is faltering.

Um nah because, if a man is disgusted by his wife he will be even more disgusted by this ugly thing beside him masturbating in his bed. I doubt very much it will "spice" any thing up. Actually I'd be afraid that he'd feel it was now a masturbation free-for-all and he can do it in bed whenever he likes too. That would be so great to know just how many times he was fantasizing about other women. Yay, go self esteem!

[manspoint]

Ok firstly I have trouble believing that a married couple has a sex life like you describe. This sounds more like an erotic fantasy story geared toward a female market. In reality men get more and more bored with their wives or even just girlfriends as time goes on. And they certainly do not fantasize about their own wife!

Your experiences are obviously of this nature but not all are. I still get horny just looking at my wife and will discreetly rub against her in the supermarket, do that finger in palm thing, deep tongue kisses anywhere and keep introducing new exciting things in the bedroom (or lounge room, or swimming pool...). Anything to deny boredom.

Um nah because, if a man is disgusted by his wife he will be even more disgusted by this ugly thing beside him masturbating in his bed. I doubt very much it will "spice" any thing up. Actually I'd be afraid that he'd feel it was now a masturbation free-for-all and he can do it in bed whenever he likes too. That would be so great to know just how many times he was fantasizing about other women. Yay, go self esteem!

Sorry again. The only woman I fantasise about is my wife and what I will do with her that night (or morning, or day). I can't even create a picture in my mind of some super model or who-ever. It just doesn't happen. If I'm masturbating solo it is about me.
I do agree with you that to masturbate together you already need a healthy sex life, both willing and eager to explore each others sexuality.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

Does it really turn most guys on, to see/hear a girl masturbate? If yes then heck, I might just pick up this habit myself. See if I can get him to show me some attention in the middle of the night.

Oh god yeah its one of the most erotic things a women can do !!!

Especially when the women is really getting off on it.

Ï'd be thinking in my mind (there is a god). :P