[alterview]

it goes both ways...

cc-

It really goes both ways. My x cheated on me. If you poke around here a little (like read the 'how often you would like to have sex' thread) you will find there are many women that prefer daily sex. I think that one of the keys to a great relationship is for both partners to be sexually compatible (what ever the frequency is).

I know that people and their desires can and often do change with time; its communicating that and working through it that is often the problem. I would bet that your libido might just have a rather large spike in about 5 years (give or take a few).

Relationships are full of compromises, even strong frinedships require compromise.

most sincerely- best of luck finding the one!

[WildChild]

I'm 24. I feel like I'm ready to settle down. (ie not go to bars every weekend, not have sex every day or even every other day...I'm good with maybe once a week). So what? That's the way I am, I'm not going to compromise that for a man. Having sex due to a sense of obligation is really sad to me.

Why can't men get this? Is that why they cheat? I've never talked to a woman that wants sex all the time...if you're out there, raise your hand.

Sweetie if you read through this page of the forum you'll find there are a lot of us who are juicy, horny and seriously not getting what we need or want.

If you only want it once a week, fine. Don't assume everyone is that way and be honest with any man you are with. As many women here have shared, there are quite a few men who would be on the same page with you. I truly wish all of you who want sex only once a week or less would be honest and find each other, it would save the rest of us a lot of frustration and heartache and save you frustration too.

[StillLearnin]

I'm starting to think that either the schools, parents, or church should start teaching about "sexual compatibility" and the importance it is to a long term relationship. By educating people about the importance of sex it just might save a lot of marriages by helping to prevent the incompatible people to realize it early enough and move on with their lives to find somebody that is compatible.

To expect somebody with a higher drive to succumb to their low desire is not fair. And it's not fair for the higher drive to expect the lower drive to meet their needs.

But sex, other than the technical aspects of it, is a taboo subject that will probably never be discussed in this way. What a shame.

I plan on educating my children on this. I don't want them to go through the years of sexual frustration that I have experienced.

[Mes T]

I too plan on being very open about this with MY children, and I think your idea of educating people on drive compatibility is very good.

I have hope that people in general will be more open about this. Heck, in college I had the most amazing human sexuality semester course. I'd say that's a leap forward!

[WildChild]

Abstinance only people, who come out of a belief system steeped in the idea of original sin, aren't going to be too keen on worrying about sexual compatability. They are more concerned with controlling desire and female submission. This is buried in our language and culture. Some go to the point that they are advocating that the men "discipline" their wives weekly with a spanking. Instructions on this include advice that they continue spanking for 5 minutes after she starts to cry and in some groups they point out that sex afterwards is likely to be better.

We are in a transistion time, working our way out some 3000 years of misogynistic thinking and weird ideas about sex, the backlash can be rather high drama. Here's hoping that this is one area where our lightening speed communication will serve to our benefit.

[caterpillar79]

It agree with the notion of educating the younger generation of sexual compatibility, and it is first and foremost the parents' responsibility to do so, no matter how awkward it may seem to some.

College is a good place to do it as well, to include the reinforcement of sexual health for both genders. I have noticed a growing number of the female population in mostly 3rd world countries who are not even checked by a gynecologists until they are about to deliver a baby. Pre-natal check - up is just considered a necessity not mainly for the baby but to have access to the government's health care program, as well as what the private sector offers.

It is disappointing to know that a lot of teenage girls in some of these countries are still taught not to see an OB- GYN because of fear for possible damage of their hymen - who told them? - THEIR OWN mothers. Why? Because of the notion about virginity. It is not that I am opposed to keeping oneself chaste until married, but it is the failure of their mothers to give their daughters an option to think for themselves by opening them into more information, but these mothers could not - they are just repeating what they were taught. How do we break this pattern? Education!

In this case, it is the school's duty to educate the young. But here in our faster - paced society, where information and technology is abundant, it should not be the case. A couple handful of girls might still be that left out, but a good sum are not. That's good to know.

Sexual compatibility is a huge factor that drives the marriages or civil partnerships forward or back. Education is a must.

[Mes T]

Oh gawd, that gosh forsaken HYMEN! All the problems it has caused, all the suffering, for innocent women... all because in some cultures men want it to be in tact because they think it means something... even though some women aren't even BORN with it, it just makes me sick the longer I think about it. How backwards some people still are...!

Abstinence-only education also makes me want to throw up my breakfast... It's been shown countless times to not be an effective form of education, yet it still prevails.

[WildChild]

Mes, Just read an intersting essay, written over 10 yrs ago. The Religious Suppression of Eros by Robert T Francoeur. I think you would find it interesting.

[Explorer44]

I agree that it seems that somehow, somewhere, this should be discussed...but I'm not sure that it would reduce the amount of mismatched couples. People hear what they want to hear, and if you are 'in love', well, sometime folks will think that things will change after marriage. Or, as in Still Learnin's case, there was a promise of something that never really materialized. How would someone truly know what level of drive they have if they have never had sex? How could they say with any degree of certainty "I will only want this once a month on a Tuesday after a lasagna dinner IF you do and say everything I want you to in the month prior to our coupling-and even then I will only just tolerate this momentary act of enjoyment."

Sigh. I don't know if there is any answer. Yes, absolutely it would be good to include a discussion on compatibility in sex ed or marriage and family class, but ego and desire may still derail any education efforts.

[WildChild]

I've dealt more than once with what seems to be a compatible man, only to have his drive and interest drop dramatically. To be rejected repeatedly when you try to initiate, or have him limit touching and interaction, it's very hard. You do feel like you've been mislead.