Fallen1-Nice! And so true! My husband and I went away for a marriage retreat once. (His idea strangely enough!) Anyway, one of the things they talked about with men was the excuse of it being "natural" to look at other women and to look at porn. They told them to think of a professional diver and how they would naturally want to hold their head one way when diving, but train themselves to hold it another way to dive correctly (sorry, I don't remember his exact words, but you get what I'm saying...lol). His point was we can train ourselves to behave differently from what might come natural to us.
I know I naturally want to take a second look at a nice looking man, but I have trained myself to respect my husband and not do that when he is with me. In my opinion, it's disrespectful to him for me to be checking out another man while he is right next to me. I don't go out checking men out all the time or anything without him, but if he's not there, I might take a second look. But if he's there, I don't. My husband admits to the same. That proves to me, we can train ourselves to be more respectful to our partners if we choose to.
Millania- it's hard when you're married...especially if you are happy with everything else in your marriage. I wasn't going to say anything about this, because I know how people can judge and assume things. But the truth is, my husband was addicted to porn. People will tell you that's stupid and no one is addicted to it and so on, but yes...some people can be addicted to porn just like they can be addicted to food, shopping or anything else. It doesn't have to be drugs or alcohol to be an addiction.
Anyway, for years, I didn't get it. I just knew he kept lying about looking at porn and would delete history in our computer and so on. I too felt like I wasn't good enough for him if he needed that to get charged up for me. I would ask him about it, he would give the same excuses as all men give and I pretty much accepted it. Because I didn't know a single man who hadn't looked at porn at one point in time or another. I didn't realize how much he was looking at it until later.
I started to check up on him and found pay per view stuff, websites on the computer and early in our marriage were phone calls to sex lines. I kept hearing how it was just a guy thing just like you. Again, I am not calling your husband an addict by any means. This is just my personal story.
Eventually, he came to me and told me he was addicted to "women"....on Valentines day! I had no idea what that meant and thought he had been sleeping with other women or something. But then he explained that it was porn. I kind of laughed like what are you talking about? All guys look at porn. But then he explained it wasn't really a matter of just looking at porn from time to time and being done with it. It was a matter of feeling a "need" for it. I mean, he would leave work in the middle of the day to go home and watch a porn and then go back to work.
We too had a healthy sex life at the time and according to him, SA and our marriage counselor, it wasn't about me at all. It was about him and this need that developed in him due to looking at porn from the time he was only a child. It truly became an addiction. He told me that he loved having sex with me and was very attracted to me. He said he was very satisfied with me, but at the same time, he got a different kind of satisfaction from the porn. He didn't even want to watch porn with me, because he felt that it was "his". This almost destroyed us about 7 years ago, because not only was he lying so much to me, but the more he went through SA, the more it became a constant discussion and issue in our marriage. I was just so sick of porn at that point. I didn't want to see it, hear about it...sick of it.
Now I have male friends and am very aware that millions of men can look at porn without being addicted, but I also know that millions of men ARE addicted and that there are even some who don't deal with porn at all. Believe it or not. So that's why I feel there is no one right answer to everyone's situation. But my point is, porn can hurt marriages or relationships depending on the people and the reason for it. If a man is married to a woman or dating a woman who has a problem with him watching porn, he should be able and willing to give it up for her.....unless it IS a big deal.
It sounds as though you are happy with everything else in your marriage, but are just unhappy with the porn issue. Is this a big enough issue to cause problems in your marriage or do you feel it's something you can get over and deal with? If it's serious enough to hurt your marriage, that should be made clear to your husband. If he still doesn't change his tune then, that should be a good indicator of an underlying issue.
I know I naturally want to take a second look at a nice looking man, but I have trained myself to respect my husband and not do that when he is with me. In my opinion, it's disrespectful to him for me to be checking out another man while he is right next to me. I don't go out checking men out all the time or anything without him, but if he's not there, I might take a second look. But if he's there, I don't. My husband admits to the same. That proves to me, we can train ourselves to be more respectful to our partners if we choose to.
Millania- it's hard when you're married...especially if you are happy with everything else in your marriage. I wasn't going to say anything about this, because I know how people can judge and assume things. But the truth is, my husband was addicted to porn. People will tell you that's stupid and no one is addicted to it and so on, but yes...some people can be addicted to porn just like they can be addicted to food, shopping or anything else. It doesn't have to be drugs or alcohol to be an addiction.
Anyway, for years, I didn't get it. I just knew he kept lying about looking at porn and would delete history in our computer and so on. I too felt like I wasn't good enough for him if he needed that to get charged up for me. I would ask him about it, he would give the same excuses as all men give and I pretty much accepted it. Because I didn't know a single man who hadn't looked at porn at one point in time or another. I didn't realize how much he was looking at it until later.
I started to check up on him and found pay per view stuff, websites on the computer and early in our marriage were phone calls to sex lines. I kept hearing how it was just a guy thing just like you. Again, I am not calling your husband an addict by any means. This is just my personal story.
Eventually, he came to me and told me he was addicted to "women"....on Valentines day! I had no idea what that meant and thought he had been sleeping with other women or something. But then he explained that it was porn. I kind of laughed like what are you talking about? All guys look at porn. But then he explained it wasn't really a matter of just looking at porn from time to time and being done with it. It was a matter of feeling a "need" for it. I mean, he would leave work in the middle of the day to go home and watch a porn and then go back to work.
We too had a healthy sex life at the time and according to him, SA and our marriage counselor, it wasn't about me at all. It was about him and this need that developed in him due to looking at porn from the time he was only a child. It truly became an addiction. He told me that he loved having sex with me and was very attracted to me. He said he was very satisfied with me, but at the same time, he got a different kind of satisfaction from the porn. He didn't even want to watch porn with me, because he felt that it was "his". This almost destroyed us about 7 years ago, because not only was he lying so much to me, but the more he went through SA, the more it became a constant discussion and issue in our marriage. I was just so sick of porn at that point. I didn't want to see it, hear about it...sick of it.
Now I have male friends and am very aware that millions of men can look at porn without being addicted, but I also know that millions of men ARE addicted and that there are even some who don't deal with porn at all. Believe it or not. So that's why I feel there is no one right answer to everyone's situation. But my point is, porn can hurt marriages or relationships depending on the people and the reason for it. If a man is married to a woman or dating a woman who has a problem with him watching porn, he should be able and willing to give it up for her.....unless it IS a big deal.
It sounds as though you are happy with everything else in your marriage, but are just unhappy with the porn issue. Is this a big enough issue to cause problems in your marriage or do you feel it's something you can get over and deal with? If it's serious enough to hurt your marriage, that should be made clear to your husband. If he still doesn't change his tune then, that should be a good indicator of an underlying issue.
Maybe cause I'm single at the moment and was writing from that perspective at first, but then I realized that whenever I'm with someone I don't think I ever look at porn or oogle at other women. Not even because I've trained myself not to do it then, but rather because I don't get the urge in the first place. 
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