[Hopeless Dork]

HD,

Think about it. Most men cheat or stray mentally b/c some beautiful woman has caught their attention. Most men have an insatiable appetite for beautiful women.

Ughhh newsflash... women are visually attracted by hot guys that catch their eye too... but a woman smitten and in Love with her guy... takes a look, says hot... and moves on with her day. I believe a man in love is fully capable of doing the same.

Could it be that you are just not in love with your wife? That you don't know what it feels like to be attracted to and in love with someone enough that you are satisfied?

Your posts about your sex life indicate that your wife isn't keen on having it with you... maybe thats why you are a bit bitter in thinking about other women in order to ejaculate?

Maybe you just don't have a spark for her... maybe she doesn't have it for you? Just because you guys lack that spark that keeps you from being able to look at your wife during sex and experience the pleasure of the moment in order to ejaculate doesn't mean all couples expeirence that.

[Aqemini1977]

If you are needing to fantasize about another woman in order to ejaculate... how is your wife not just a masturbation tool? She's basically providing a hole for you to poke in, this woman you love and respect, while you fantasize about some chick at the gym. If thats your idea of love and respect.. I feel sorry for your wife. Truly.

Not sure if you read my original post correctly but I don't "need" to visualize someone else but If I want to ejaculate immediatly I have learned that is one method I have mastered. Is there another method I could master to give the same effects...maybe.

I love women and would never classify them as masterbation tools. Not really sure why you either. You can't fall in love with, have children with, go on vacations with,.....with a masterbation tool? I never said the actual act of visualizing someone else as being my idea of love and respect. I am not sure how you took that from anything I said.

As far as sleeping with the girl from the gym and fantasizing about the girl from Circle K...I am sure it would be necessary at some point in my 60 year marriage to the girl at the gym. I am not sure you quite understand the actual reason the visualization takes place at the time/moment it does. You could probably never understand since you are not aroused by visual stimuli so maybe we could agree to disagree.

[Hopeless Dork]

I've never said I wasn't arroused visually. I've said porn doesn't do it for me. But that doesn't mean I am not visually stimulated. My boyfriend is very attractive.. and has the most beautiful penis I've seen in my life Looking it... even when its erect through his pants turns me on instantly. Thats visual stimuli... and I'm aroused by it.

[Hopeless Dork]

Don't get me wrong, I am not a naive child. I know men fantasize about other women. As some women fantasize about other men. I just think that going so far as to think of another woman in order to ejaculate while having sex with a woman you are supposably into... is pretty disrespectful, not love... and using a woman as blow up doll.

Why not save the gym girl fantasies for masturbation and instead focus on the woman actually giving you her body when your having sex... it seems like that would be easy to do if you are attracted to and in love with who you are with.

[Hopeless Dork]

If you want to know why I am so disgusted by your post... its because you came at first seeking ways to get your wife back interested in having sex with you. And I was one of the suckers that put out a well thought out reply to give you advice in getting her spark back...

And it feels like a huge waste of time and energy to try to get that spark back so you could have sex with her just to fantasize about other women. That is what disgusts me about it. Just being honest.

[Aqemini1977]

Don't get me wrong, I am not a naive child. I know men fantasize about other women. As some women fantasize about other men. I just think that going so far as to think of another woman in order to ejaculate while having sex with a woman you are supposably into... is pretty disrespectful, not love... and using a woman as blow up doll.

Why not save the gym girl fantasies for masturbation and instead focus on the woman actually giving you her body when your having sex... it seems like that would be easy to do if you are attracted to and in love with who you are with.

It is quite simple. Being sexually aroused by visually seeing someone else having sex has nothing to do with love. Being sexually aroused by visually imagining yourself having sex with someone who is not your SO has nothing to do with love or lack thereof. Disrespectful...I disagree. I would argue if I said to her at that moment "You know what today is one of those days where I will not be able to orgasm unless I imagine someone else" ....That is disrespectful!

I am attracted to my wife. I can get an erection just by seeing her or her saying something sexy to me. I would never use a blowup doll...That is pretty comical. I do think I am too good for that

Using your rationale, I would not be in love with or attracted to my wife who I have been with with since 1995.

[Hopeless Dork]

Using your rationale, I would not be in love with or attracted to my wife who I have been with with since 1995.

I don't think you are attracted to her if you have to imagine someone else when you are trying to ejaculate. I think you love her. I think you're not attracted to her. If she turns you on with her looks, why is it not then possible for you look at her for arousal when you are actually INSIDE of her, having sex with her... listening to her breathing, feeling her body, seeing her body... in the moment.. if she does it for you, you'd think with all that visual, auditory and tactile stimuli would help take you to orgasm more so than the thought of some chick at the store you saw for 2 minutes...

It just seems like it to me. Does that mean I think you don't love her, no. But do i think you are smitten, walking on clouds in love, just so into you into her..nope, you sure don't sound like you are.

And if you are... you should try to focus on her during sex... that could be one of the reasons that she is not that into it. If you are not that into it you have think of someone else while you are inside her... gotta imagine it being even worse for her... if she's not even wanting you inside of her in the first place

[Aqemini1977]

If you want to know why I am so disgusted by your post... its because you came at first seeking ways to get your wife back interested in having sex with you. And I was one of the suckers that put out a well thought out reply to give you advice in getting her spark back...

And it feels like a huge waste of time and energy to try to get that spark back so you could have sex with her just to fantasize about other women. That is what disgusts me about it. Just being honest.

I didn't come into this thread seeking ways to get my wife back interested? That makes no sense. I was responding to original posters honest questions.

Your well thought out reply from another thread was insightful and I actual made reminders n my iphone to try some of your suggestions. To say that I want to have sex with her so I could fantasize....

HD you are not making any sense. That is not and was not the point of that thread. You can't give good advise only to ppl you agree with. I by no means want to disrespect or disgust you but how was I to know you only wanted to give good advise to ppl you agree with.

[Hopeless Dork]

Ps I didn't mean that as an insult... about her not wanting you inside of her in the first place bit... I just re-read that and saw it could be taken as one. What I mean is if your chemistry is so off that you have to turn to those other thoughts during the big moment... perhaps she can sense that chemistry being off.

While you may think she is blisfully unaware of your complacency with sex with her... perhaps she is fully aware and thus not interested in having sex for that reason.

Perhaps you could help both you and her in bed by focusing on her and her energy and not jojo from the pigglywiggly... if she can feel your all about her... maybe she will want it more, maybe it will be more satisfying for you and maybe you can both respark and be happy.

[Hopeless Dork]

I didn't come into this thread seeking ways to get my wife back interested? That makes no sense. I was responding to original posters honest questions.

No but having just checked in on your thread with talking about trying to respark with your wife her having more interested in sex with you, and coming here reading you talk about thinking of other women to ejaculate during sex with the same woman you are trying to get the spark back... a connection was made.

That those 2 things might be related. 1. It really, reading your post here on this thread sounded like you were all but turned off with your wife during sex.. which was completely contradictory to wanting to have sex with her more... so that is where I asked do you want more sex with your wife just because your hand is tired?

Do you see what I mean. Your post here made it sound like sex with the wife is old and stale, she's not what you want sexually, you are unable to ejaculate sometimes without thinking of other women... yet you want more sex with her. It just doesn't fit.

But then reading everything else it seems like you want things to work sexually with this woman you love but you may be doing things that work against you. If she's feeling like you are not into with her, maybe thats whats causing her lack of interest. So that is where these 2 threads relate.