[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think if you read the above, your situation is that this man wants to leave you in order to "try" yet claims to be in love with you?

That means that he's not committed, not settled in this relationship, loves you but can not be in love, as Little pointed out, when you are in love, you won't even look to stray, no different than any other type of "straying" ie) with another woman..

He wants to stray, so if I was you I'd say no break, if that's what you want to do, you can't be in love, rather just love me, therefore, go do what you want in your life but don't come back this way.

CW

[lookingforhelp13]

Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it. This is really hard.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It is hard, 3 years is along time...

It is hard, as he's been open and honest with you, of what he wants to try....

But, it is cheating... Only he feels if he leaves you, then it's not... the door is open.... Is that fair to you?

You can bet others will reply

But, I just personally think if you say, sure no probs, then sit back and wait and wait for him, then when / if he returns, have visions of him cheating, your relationship is doomed...

Exclusive is exactly that... is it not?

CW

[stressed]

All this about bisexual men coming out years into a relationship only makes me wonder if these men are actually gay who tried to live a 'straight' life until they realized they cannot ignore it. This is the only worry I would have if my SO came out as bisexual. Just because they have sex with women does not make them straight or bi. Not if they only look at men when they go out and only look at gay porn. They might as well fantasize about men during sex, but it does not make them bisexual.

As long as he does not want to experience sex with a man and it is only a fantasy of his, or if he just feels attracted to both genders, then you should be happy that he told you that and did not keep it to himself. It shows that he trusts you. However, you do have to think about this and wonder if you can be happy with this knowledge. You also have a choice.

[FriendlyMale]

All this about bisexual men coming out years into a relationship only makes me wonder if these men are actually gay who tried to live a 'straight' life until they realized they cannot ignore it. This is the only worry I would have if my SO came out as bisexual. Just because they have sex with women does not make them straight or bi. Not if they only look at men when they go out and only look at gay porn. They might as well fantasize about men during sex, but it does not make them bisexual.

As long as he does not want to experience sex with a man and it is only a fantasy of his, or if he just feels attracted to both genders, then you should be happy that he told you that and did not keep it to himself. It shows that he trusts you. However, you do have to think about this and wonder if you can be happy with this knowledge. You also have a choice.

Hi forum, I'm a guy in a steady relationship with certain leanings too, I'm here because I wanted to see how it looks from the other side.

lookingforhelp posted a serious question, and my heart really goes out to her. It sounds as though her boyfriend is trying to have the best of both worlds: to be able to experiment but still go back to her in the end. It's a deeply unfair position to put her in. But to play on her fears that he will then go out and cheat if she says "no" is wrong. The whole reason he presented her with this ham-fisted dilemma is that he wanted to experiment, but didn't want to cheat. He was trying to square the circle. Since she wrote her post I'd wager that he's had to choose what is more important to him - hope it all turned out alright for both of them.

I couldn't visit the board without commenting on the above post. I'm sick and tired of the myth that bi men are really gay but are in the closet. Of course there are gay men who don't come to terms with their sexuality and marry a woman. However, I'm convinced that NONE of the men on this thread fall under that category, as they are trying to broach the subject. Many bi (or curious) men want their partners to know, to be able to share everything and be completely honest with them, and try to drop little hints to try to break it to them gently. A gay man in denial would never do this - what could he possibly have to gain? He would deny and try to hide it at every turn, not drop hints about it.

Myth 2: bi men always cheat. Someone made a very good comment about not being able to be everything to someone. It's true. I have a thing about guys, the same as many guys have a thing for redheads. Am I then automatically more likely to cheat than the redhead lover? The likelihood of cheating depends on the kind of person you are, not who you are attracted to. If you've been with your boyfriend for 6 years and he hasn't cheated, why would he be more likely to now? He's the same guy. He hasn't changed, you just know him better now. He's with you, and not another guy, for a reason.

Myth 3 and oft repeated on here: if he comes out as bi he'll want to get involved in swinging and group sex. No! Chances are he just wants to be completely open with you, to let you know who he really is. He probably just wants to be honest. Given the wall of hysteria many men are met with when they try to be honest, I'm not surprised so many keep it a secret.

[WildChild]

Good points Friendly. This is an area that many of us simply don't have experience with. As you point out, it all depends on the individual.

[oxy-moron]

You are playing a risky game.
Having known a woman who had children to a Gay man who exited the closet after 20 Years I would say the potential of you striking issues in the future is too high. She still doesn't talk to him despite the children.
Part of the problem for you is that there is such a varied spectrum , and you can never really know we he is on the spectrum.
Be very careful.

[cathygirl]

Bisexual people are not just closet gays. I am about as bisexual as a person can be. I am not gay. I am faithful to my husband, but I had the opportunity to experience sex with a woman before I was marries so I don't have that intense curiosity about "what am I missing?" My husband is fully aware that I'm attracted to women and men. I don't hop into bed with anyone I'm not married to, male or female. But for the OP, since this is coming up in the relationship now, I'm guessing that he wants to act on his attractions. He should do that when he's not in a committed relationship, in my view. You're in a tough spot because you have no idea where this is really going to go. I could not live in such a situation myself, what ever the "other" attraction was.

[CheatConfession]

Make sure he knows that you accept him but also let it be knnown that you will not tolerate any infidelity. If he becomes curious let him either explore it with you in a "controlled setting" or take some time apart. Having not dealt with this myself this is what I would do...i think