[stressed]

We talked about it and he said he misunderstood my hints (i.e. telling him to do more and not sex being only about himself), said he first took it as if I was telling him he was bad at it and wanted it my way, but after the last talk he says he understands why, that it should be something fun for both and not something to think too much over and that I have to tell him exactly what's wrong and not hint otherwise he won't get it. He thought I liked everything as it was, then I told him about the cut I had last week and he said of course I should have told him right away because he cares and didn't mean to cause anything like that.

I don't know if this will solve the 'quality' issue, right now he's more affectionate, but he's usually like that right after a discussion. As for the 'quantity' issue, he still blames work and there isn't much more to discuss on this at the moment.

I guess the lesson is, like Betty very well said: Men are stupid (metaphorically or not) and we have to explain everything to them from the basics. In many cases it can be worth the result, if they show they want to become better and they actually care. There are so many different ways to say the same thing and half of them can be taken the wrong way but if there is a breakthrough it is worth the effort.

[manspoint]

Sit him down and tell him what you need. Yup I know this is hard but believe me it is worth the end result. Men are stupid! You need to help them understand.

Taking exception to this quote.

[Betty9674]

Sorry

It was not ment[ to hurt! Men just do not take hints. When they are in the throws of passion they lose track of the other person. I did not mean stupid as no intalect but that men can not take the hints and signals we throw out most of the time.

[becky'08]

I have a simular problem. My husband is like a three min tops but we do some fore play Thing is that when he is done the things hides and I have to finish off myself.

[jns]

Sit him down and tell him what you need. Yup I know this is hard but believe me it is worth the end result. Men are stupid! You need to help them understand.

In general men are not stupid, but hints are not the way to get through to them. A lot of men are selfish, they only think of themselves. A lot of men have hang-ups that keep them pleasuring a woman. There are those who don't care. Then there are those who want to pleasure a woman, but are unskilled, those you can teach.

Then there are those who are skilled from a history of relationships where they learned what it takes to get a woman to climax, even if they did not get instruction, and enjoyed doing it. Consider this, the average woman only gets one woman to climax: herself. A man who has had a number of relationships and is skilled usually has got multiple women to climax. And not by having every one of them tell him what he should be doing.

There are women who gain a similar skill set in oral and hand jobs. Again, usually not from a single partner. And you know how hard it is to get a guy to say what needs to be done in a way a woman can understand.

When you set out to change someone else, you are likely to be disappointed.

[stressed]

I'm surprised this thread came up again.

No, I don't think all men are stupid, but they don't take hints and many of them tend to be selfish in this area. Some of them don't even realize that women can get equal pleasure in sex, just because they don't have a penis to ejaculate with and don't always orgasm.

As for my case, The quantity has not improved, it's still at once per week. No matter how much we've talked about this and he said he understood, he still thinks I'm only after raw sex, so he tries to make plans for it. But making plans for something that only happens once a week makes him nervous and he never does what he has planned, always rushes to ejaculate in the end.

He also recently admitted to enjoying receiving more than giving. So that clearly makes him a selfish lover by itself. Honestly, when your fiance tells you she wants you to touch her more often and you tell her "I just prefer lying back and enjoying, it feels more" you're either stupid or a pig.

As for the quality, there are efforts, after a lot of direct talk and no hints, but like I said, he either panics and gets it wrong or he doesn't care about giving.

This is the second week we are on a "deal". I do what he asks the weekdays and I get the weekends. Kind of pathetic to have to make a deal to be touched by your partner. It was his idea, because he said that he feels bad for asking all the time and he's tired of me saying "I want some in return too".

But I try in other ways, when we are in the sofa and he places his hands on himself all the time, I place them on me instead. That's a hint, telling him "this is where you should have them, not in your pants or your legs", but I'm not going to bring it up in a discussion as he's going to complain that I nag all the time.

[Anon_1990]

20 mins quick for a first time?!?!?! My first shag was about 1 and a half minuites

[Guest]

it's very unfair and your partner only want his own pleasure not even thinking what would you feel.

[herbie]

Wow do i feel bad for you ......try this seeing that he seems to get his pleasure from masterbating tell him your fantasy is having another man makes long passionate love to you while he watches and pleasures himself this way you both win........see what he thinks of that

[cuff]

Some of them don't even realize that women can get equal pleasure in sex, just because they don't have a penis to ejaculate with and don't always orgasm.

That's a ridiculous statement. Of course most men understand women can get the same level of pleasure from sex as they do. It just looks like you've gotten stuck with losers when it comes to sex. Including who you're with now. You've communicated the problem, he understood, he still does the same thing. It won't improve. So you should move on or learn to love sex on his terms.

It's not stupidity, or a lack of catching on to hints. It's selfishness. Women are more difficult to figure out sexually. It takes someone who cares about you, to want to please you. Someone who doesn't care to is selfish, not stupid.