[sexually frustrated wife]

I'm 42 yrs and noticing a BIG increase in sexual desire the past couple of years. I always enjoyed it before, but it wasn't something that I so actively wanted before. Is there any chance that this is just a temporary hormonal flux that will go away in a year? I would hate to make life-altering decisions based on a "phase" of life that I'm going through. At the same time, I wonder if the sexual imbalance in my relationship is just a symptom of other issues...

[sexually frustrated wife]

Btw, thanks so much for the replies and discussion in this forum. This is not something that I talk with my girlfriends about, and the exchange of information/ideas/support is helpful and greatly valued!!

[WildChild]

How is his general health? Is he energetic and vibrant? Or is he low energy and easily fatigued?
He may have low testosterone or a hormone imbalance. Get him in for a check up, blood work and hormone levels. Low T can create some serious health effects in men. Just becuase he has been this way for a long time doesn't mean its 'normal' or healthy.

[WildChild]

Sorry but speaking as a mother, it just isn't so. Children are not a substitute for sexual pleasure and a woman who is happy with 3 times a month has a Low sex drive.

Children are also not a cure for problems in your relationship.

[Texasred]

...a woman who is happy with 3 times a month has a Low sex drive.

If that is "low," what do you call it when a woman is happy with 3 times a year?
Oh yeah: marriage.
lol

[WildChild]

If that is "low," what do you call it when a woman is happy with 3 times a year?
Oh yeah: marriage.
lol

You're a pill, LOL.
I'd call it an unsatisfactory marriage. I've been there but I wasn't the one who didn't want it and didn't care if their partner was climbing the walls in frustration.

[ItsASecret]

What I mean to say is that having kids decreases the impact of unsatisfied sexual drive and does not touch the level of 'frustration' if she is having sex three four times a month.

So what your saying that having kids will allow your mind to be put elsewhere when someone is experiencing sexual frustration? That when someone is not in the mood, say a long day at work and the other wants sex, the solution is to go tend to the kids because that is something to do?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Zia welcome to the Forum.

Really what you are saying is that she places her "affections", "intimacy" elsewhere... You're also saying that women were only born to bare children and the sex,sex,sex, is natural, until, she has a child, then she is mean't to be a Mother and a carer for the children, husband and sex is no longer important...

They physcological affect is worse, for the married woman with children...Because she feels she was "as above" and not desirable, not wanted sexually, a single person can go and find someone that will rock her world and tell her all she wants to hear...

Do you believe in intimacy? How do you describe that? Do you believe in foreplay? A woman being free to express sexually anything she wants to her husband/him her?

Yes, sometimes a man can feel like he "has to be a machine" but not in a loving, intimate relationship..

Sexual
Sensual
Horny

Have you experienced those three?

Comments to your wife of how beautiful she looks creates a sensual feeling, a sexy feeling and probably a horny feeling.

Why would you not want your woman to "want" you in an intimate way, unless she has no love, feelings for you and only wants sex...

You should embrase the "today's age of we are all beautiful, you, and me, and both parties need to feel it, sexy, loved, cared for, and attractive naked that creates wanting, desire

I asked my fiance to see his parts today, he cracked up laughing and said I beg your pardon? I said oops obviously I am thinking of it huh ( not to be continued )

Point being why should I not feel I can ask the person I expect to be with for the rest of my life, anything?

Soulmates have communication, understanding, talk and feel free.

CW

[sexually frustrated wife]

Wow. Quite a lot of interesting perspective. I know that children are not in our future -- neither of us has a strong desire to have any. The problem is that we only have sex once every other month or so, if I'm lucky. I used to be able to deal with this better when I was more distracted/busy/unhappy at work, but the past couple of years have become a real problem, though. I feel that this is probably a psychological issue on my husband's part, so I don't want to make him feel worse with more pressure, but I'm really concerned about my/his/our future happiness, and whether our marriage can withstand such a difference. Any thoughts about this being a "temporary phase" for me, or is that just wishful thinking?

[Hopeless Dork]

Nature has made sexual desire not merely for pleasure seeking. The other purpose of sexual desire is to continue generation i.e. to have kids and bring them up. Confining to sexual pleasure only is like putting all eggs in one basket. Nature has assigned many roles to human beings with an adequate combination of pleasures and pains. When we turn our eyes away from the hardship of parenting and regard only the sexaul pleasure as the sole meaningful satisfier of life, then its like you are picking and choosing from a single package of pain and pleasure. I am a forty years old husband of my 33 years old wife and father of three kids and has the frequency of three times of sexual intercourse per month but my wife never feels sexually frustrated due to the fact that she has her eggs placed in different baskets. When she is in the mood of sex and if am not in such mood, her indulgence with kids increases. I remeber the period when we did not have kids for three years after getting married. My wife only wanted sex , sex, and sex and it became difficult for me to meet her sexaul demand. I suggest you should plan a baby and then every thing will be alright because resorting to Nature brings happiness, peace and satisfaction in the life.

That sounds more of a distraction from the problem than a solution... If a woman wants more sex, what she wants is more sex. The kind of love and affection you give and recieve from a baby fills a need in so many women... but it does not replace the need or desire to have intimacy with the man they are into. Thats like the need for food and water... both fill you, but you need both in different ways. Water will fill you when you are starving, but it doesn't replace the need for food... nor can you sustain yourself on water alone.

The suggestion of having kids to get the little woman to quit being so demanding for sex, is like telling a woman who is complaining about her husbands desire for her 'oh just tell him to get a second job, or a third... he will be too exhausted to pester you'.

If it works that a woman is 'less needy' for affection from her husband because of kids, it could be that she is just tired, it could be that she found something else to replace her need for intimacy... or it could very well be that she's entirely unhappy and puts all her attention on the kids to mask the hurt she feels in her marriage that lacks the type of intimacy or affection she truly wants.