I am a sexually frustrated wife and I feel hopeless about my situation. The quality of our sex is beautiful. Our desires complement each other well. The problem is our differing libido frequencies. My husband doesn’t want sex as much as I do. I would love to have sex one or two times per week. He wants sex maybe once a month. We have been together for 13 years and frequency has been a problem almost from the start.
Aside from sex, our marriage is really wonderful, we are best friends and good life partners. We have had many in depth conversations in which it has come out that he does have some hang ups about sex. He resents that it is something he is expected to do along with other stereotypical things that men are supposed to want like motorcycles. I can tell he is trying but in some ways, that just makes it worse to think that he has to work to want to have sex with me. I work out and try to wear nice pj’s to entice him. I am a little overweight but I don’t think that’s the problem since I was this way when we fell in love.
Currently we have sex about once per week but at least every other week, there is some weirdness about it, for example, he’ll start coming on to me but in a really half hearted way, as if he knows it’s time to do it but he’s not really that interested. I am very giving in bed. I give at least 10 blow jobs, which he loves, for every one time he goes down on me. That does not bother me, because when we are really in it, he always takes care of me. I try to take turns initiating but when he turns me down, the rejection makes me feel undesirable and sad. I know this has more to do with him than me but it takes a lot of mental energy to keep myself from going into low self esteem territory.
I have asked if I can find a lover on the side (polyamory, in which he could also be free to do the same) and he says he thinks that would make him emotionally distant from me. Sometimes I fantasize about finding some sexually frustrated husband out there to meet up with to have a sexual affair just to satisfy my needs. I have considered leaving him but it’s so hard to fathom not having him in my life. Leaving someone just over sex seems like a really trivial reason. Especially when I consider how much I value him as a friend and husband.
I am just so sad over being at this point in my life at 38. I am so happy in my career and my life but sex is something that continually makes me feel upset. I find it distracting in my daily work.
Could it be depression? Could it be low male libido? Is it just a fact that men turn off of their women once they “catch” them? It seems so unfair. I know I am not the only one out there dealing with this.
Aside from sex, our marriage is really wonderful, we are best friends and good life partners. We have had many in depth conversations in which it has come out that he does have some hang ups about sex. He resents that it is something he is expected to do along with other stereotypical things that men are supposed to want like motorcycles. I can tell he is trying but in some ways, that just makes it worse to think that he has to work to want to have sex with me. I work out and try to wear nice pj’s to entice him. I am a little overweight but I don’t think that’s the problem since I was this way when we fell in love.
Currently we have sex about once per week but at least every other week, there is some weirdness about it, for example, he’ll start coming on to me but in a really half hearted way, as if he knows it’s time to do it but he’s not really that interested. I am very giving in bed. I give at least 10 blow jobs, which he loves, for every one time he goes down on me. That does not bother me, because when we are really in it, he always takes care of me. I try to take turns initiating but when he turns me down, the rejection makes me feel undesirable and sad. I know this has more to do with him than me but it takes a lot of mental energy to keep myself from going into low self esteem territory.
I have asked if I can find a lover on the side (polyamory, in which he could also be free to do the same) and he says he thinks that would make him emotionally distant from me. Sometimes I fantasize about finding some sexually frustrated husband out there to meet up with to have a sexual affair just to satisfy my needs. I have considered leaving him but it’s so hard to fathom not having him in my life. Leaving someone just over sex seems like a really trivial reason. Especially when I consider how much I value him as a friend and husband.
I am just so sad over being at this point in my life at 38. I am so happy in my career and my life but sex is something that continually makes me feel upset. I find it distracting in my daily work.
Could it be depression? Could it be low male libido? Is it just a fact that men turn off of their women once they “catch” them? It seems so unfair. I know I am not the only one out there dealing with this.
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