[WildChild]

I wish we could stop with the whole "evolution" excuse. Not all men are like that, it varies with each person. There are men out there who want to please their woman, who put her needs first, who cannot understand that men can be so selfish. To just say "it's genes that make them avoid foreplay" is just wrong and unfair towards those men.

I agree.


The whole evoltution bit is BS. If men are driven by evolution to "spread their seed" then they are logically "driven" to see that seed survive. Ejaculate and run doesn't do that.

Men have been in the drivers seat for several thousand years and male centric religions have spread the idea of women as soul-less vessels to bear men's children and be the whipping post - after all women are reason for suffering and sin in the world. So who cares what they want or enjoy? Getting past generations of that (whether or not there were individuals over time who didn't buy it, that has been the party line for a long time) will take time and effort. Its embedded in our cultures, languages and belief systems. We can certainly make a start by not buying into the BS justifications that Both genders like to throw around. Remaining static may be painful but its easy. Change requires actual conscious effort.

[WildChild]

That is one of the problems with my bf.
He is not a virgin so he is just used to just shoving it in there I guess...
I'm still a virgin and we were trying to do it but it hurt so bad because I wasn't even wet down there when he tried. It hurt too much so he stopped and never finished. He did like 5 mins of foreplay and then just tried I suggested that he give me some 'passion' with it so it would be less painful but then he said that he's confused and probably still in love with his recent ex [although we've been dating off and on for the longest] and he made me cry because it just feels so bad and it makes me never want to try and have sex with him again. Ugh I just don't know what to do with him anymore he treats me like sometimes. =[
I guess he was able to give his ex the passion he's unable to give me.

Sweetie, if he was "just shoving it in there" he wasn't giving his ex any passion.

Truth is he probably doesn't have a clue how to arouse or pleasure a women - virginal or not. So he falls back on the, "still love with the ex" or possibly may try the, "she loved it, there must ge something wrong with you". He needs to be educated and so do you. You don't know enough to teach him and despite societal expectations that males should know more about sex - guess what? They don't. Watching porn doesn't show them what Real women want or need,(let alone inexperienced young women) it just sets them up with an expectation that they can do 5 mins of foreplay, if that, and "shove it in".

I'm guessing you are a teen and so would have limited access to being able to order some books on sex from someplace like Amazon? Many of the larger book stores have pretty good selections. My number one pick for you would be The Orgasm Loop, because you need to learn what does it for you before you bother yourself with what will get him going. At his age Anything will get him going. I really need to hunt up some good books on foreplay, suited for total newbies. I was fortunate that despite some very tough stuff to deal with when starting to learn about sex, most of the boys I knew seemed to have grasped the idea of lots of foreplay, "making out" we called it. Maybe because we were fairly early in the sex revolution, the only porn they had access to was in magazines and there was more of an expectation that they had to work at getting a girl to want to have sex with them. They figured out that if they got a girl dripping wet, hyperaroused, she was going to have a hard time saying, "no, thank you". Even the worst jerks, knew how to kiss and touch.

Don't dispair, there isn't anything wrong with you that some education and playful experimenting won't cure. The question is; is this young man able to admit the need and willing to learn with you?

[stressed]

I agree.


The whole evoltution bit is BS. If men are driven by evolution to "spread their seed" then they are logically "driven" to see that seed survive. Ejaculate and run doesn't do that.

Men have been in the drivers seat for several thousand years and male centric religions have spread the idea of women as soul-less vessels to bear men's children and be the whipping post - after all women are reason for suffering and sin in the world. So who cares what they want or enjoy? Getting past generations of that (whether or not there were individuals over time who didn't buy it, that has been the party line for a long time) will take time and effort. Its embedded in our cultures, languages and belief systems. We can certainly make a start by not buying into the BS justifications that Both genders like to throw around. Remaining static may be painful but its easy. Change requires actual conscious effort.

And another thing, there are animals where the female eats her children to protect them, or kills the male after mating. What sane woman would do either of that? We are not animals, no matter how much such a connection is fitting to out male-oriented society.

Men who care about pleasing their woman and put her needs first have the same genes as those who prefer quick release and no foreplay. Environmental effects play a way much more important role in a person's mental development than genes and here is where society is to blame for such men's behaviour; not monkeys.

[WildChild]

Environmental effects play a way much more important role in a person's mental development than genes and here is where society is to blame for such men's behaviour; not monkeys.

Read up on the Bonobo

[stressed]

Read up on the Bonobo

It seems like even monkeys can behave sexually better than certain men...

[WildChild]

LOL. They would make an interesting model for human behavior wouldn't they? The only other mammal that is "in heat" all the time?

[stressed]

haha! That would indeed be very interesting! We would have had oral sex instead of a handshake and turning down group sex would be rude (just think how many STD's we'd catch then).

I found this line particularly interesting and I didn't know about it at all: "Bonobos are the only non-human animal to have been observed engaging in all of the following sexual activities: face-to-face genital sex, tongue kissing, and oral sex". Humans being the only creatures having face to face sex is actually a myth...

[Hoochie Coochie Man]

Set up an "All about Me!" date night. Get oils, some toys, set out some candles, incense. Long hot shower any thing you want and make it fun but emphasize the sensual. Switch things often, etc. Sure it will be about both of you of course but more directed around your needs. Let him remember how exciting it was to touch and look and explore all parts of your body bathed in low soft light. Search the net on Oral Sex or Deep Spot or Anteroir Fornex etc. You'll find plenty for free. Give it to him in advance. And when slips too much....."All about Me!" date night.

[manspoint]

i think that part of the problem is that men do get caught up in the just get it done thing. i remember reading somewhere that if men masturbate too often, that in their minds it changes sex from an intimate event, to almost like an obsessive need to just come, sans any romance or intimacy, and it is almost too hard (no pun intended) to get the intimacy part back.

What an utter load of ________ (fill in the blank with a negative word)

[manspoint]

Given the assumption of age in the OP I am wondering if this is another symptom of the Gen Y "I want it now" attitude?

"I want a new house...Thanks home-builder, government, bank."

They don't build up like past generations but rather buy new first up. Home, cars, commodities.
Maybe sex for some has the same immediacy? The goal is the big O and lets have it now. Unfortunately, it only works like that in the pornos.