[Hopeless Dork]

that doesn't sound great for your self esteem, dude. But you have to understand from what you have described here - it is NOT you thats causing this reaction. You sound like a giving lover. The fact that you lend yourself to pleasing her in other ways shows that. The fact that she is refusing that indicates to me, an outsider with no real clue what the real problem is, that something else is amiss here.

How is she treating you outside of sex? Is she less affectionate in general or only during sex? Is she distant in other ways?

[Hopeless Dork]

Another question round... is there anything else going on in her life that might be lowering her drive? Has she started any new medications, antidepressents? A new birth control hormone? Is she using drugs or alchohol? Are things with her family okay? School or work stress? Many of things and much more can have an effect on a persons sex drive.

[dude123]

Another question round... is there anything else going on in her life that might be lowering her drive? Has she started any new medications, antidepressents? A new birth control hormone? Is she using drugs or alchohol? Are things with her family okay? School or work stress? Many of things and much more can have an effect on a persons sex drive.

Shes on anti-depressants and birth control and has been since we met. Is it true anti depressants cause low sex drive? She had a huge sex drive then so that doesnt seem to be it. no drugs or alcohol aside from social drinking. She's always stressed and upset about work. It's all she talks about lately. She also always tired and it kinda annoys me cuz she doesnt even work an 8 hr day and has the weekend off with 6 weeks vacation and all holidays so why should a 26 yr old be so tired? Im tired from work to and i recover and go on with my life. I dont know if the work thing is it tho cuz she loved her job when she started it over a yr ago and the sex was just as bad then. I just always assumed it was a phase and would get better. I dont use condoms and she prefers it that way. Since we dont use them is she just trying to avoid the cleanup down there from me cumming inside her? I reaching for reasons here i cannot figure this thing out lol. She always tells me she misses me and she is pretty affectionate she leans on me when we watch tv and puts her head on my chest and stuff like that, she is pretty good to me outside of bed.

[Hopeless Dork]

Anti Depressents can have a MAJOR effect on sex drive. And that can come and go. Some people have no sexual side effects, some have major, and some have intermittent/occasional lack of desire from them. But depression also causes a lack of sex drive...

Alchohol , even socially, on antidepressents can intensify or descrease their effectiveness hopefully she is not drinking often at all.

Birth control pills are hormones, they can effect a womans drive as well... negetively or positively or any mixture there in.

If she is stressed, add the hormones, add the anti depressents... and you have a recipe right there for what might lead her to be not as interested in sex.

[Hopeless Dork]

*** she should NOT stop taking her antidepressents without a doctors advice, as that can send the body into withdrawl or even worse side effects than she may have/doesn't have now.

***birth control is obviously important and she shouldn't stop those without a doctor either.

I know a lot of women that don't like semen in them and prefer their S.O's wear a condom even when they can't get pregnant. For some women it takes a day for all of it to expel, and so they have discharge of semen, etc... and some just don't like that sensation.

[dude123]

*** she should NOT stop taking her antidepressents without a doctors advice, as that can send the body into withdrawl or even worse side effects than she may have/doesn't have now.

***birth control is obviously important and she shouldn't stop those without a doctor either.

I know a lot of women that don't like semen in them and prefer their S.O's wear a condom even when they can't get pregnant. For some women it takes a day for all of it to expel, and so they have discharge of semen, etc... and some just don't like that sensation.

She hates the feelin of condoms. She actually said early on in relationship when she wasnt a prude that she liked feeling me cum in her but maybe she changed her mind. I dunno thats why cummin on her is a good idea then i just get her a few tissues and alls good. Its amazing tho, shes stressed so i gotta have no sex life. 2 times in over 3 yrs of dating i turned her down for sex. One time she had just thrown up 20 minutes ago and she was drunk and i thought that was so gross even tho she brushed her teeth i just heard her vomit right before. The other time i was fallin asleep and i had a big meal and felt disgusting. Every other time she ever initiated i was gung ho for sex. That night she vomited tho oh boy did i hear it she threw a fit and said i wasnt attaretd to her and this and that. Yet turns me down all the time cuz shes tired or wwatver zdn yet its ok cuz shes stressed. Im stressed at work too, thats why i like a few beers on the weekend. Takes the edge off and its like ahhhhh week over! Shes stressed so she doesnt give me any?

[WildChild]

Why are you with her? Why did you get engaged? Marriage is unlikely to improve this situation.
Are really sure she orgasms? Many women do fake it regularly. Can you feel the muscle contractions? It makes no sense that a woman who orgasms would not want sex. Although I know we have more than one gentleman here who reports that situation.

[kerry-]

I think you'll find most women like it or at the least don't mind it. I personally quite like it, talk to her it's been three years! You should be actively communicating these things to eachother!

[stressed]

It sounds as if she's under a lot of pressure and stress. Maybe now that you are engaged she overthinks about how life would be in marriage, with children, a husband, a job that makes her tired. Maybe she feels a lot more responsible about everything now and it drags her down. Maybe she's subconsciously worried about having a child when there is so much going on in her life and avoids sex for that reason. I don't think it's a physical or performance issue, you obviously do more than enough for her in that department and how long you last does not play a part. Maybe she needs to discuss her issues with her doctor and tell him how much they affect the relationship.

[Guest]

oh yes i have seen and experienced this before first hand. could be chemical or hormonal on her part, the fact that she used to crave sex early in the relationship points to that. being in love and falling in love in the beginning causes all kinds of chemicals and hormones to be released in your brain. it can cause a ravishing sexual appetite.. its a reproduction mechanism that has ensured our species survival for thousands of years...
However... this usually doesnt end abruptly in a relationship without some other stimuli.
ask her what her goals are, short term, long term, where she sees you two five years from now. chances are she is in nesting mode not reproduction mode. if she is more concerned with paint colors or dishes and furniture than she is about knockin boots then this is a sure sign she will be like this the rest of her life. some women are just wired that way. cook some dinner and slip her some yohimbe herbal supplements in her favorite food if all you want is to unlock her inner sexual beast. but chances are you will never be happy with her, and she will never be happy with anyone. oh and one more thing.. show her some respect before during and after. put her on a pedistal and make an effort to rock her world and not just get something for yourself. you may already do this.. but im just saying