[Nika]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 months and we've run into a "bump in the road". I'm not yet comfortable giving oral any time he wants it, but I'm trying to go down on him longer than I'm normally comfortable with because he wants us to work on that. Last night I didn't feel like taking all of him into my mouth so I just focused on the head and used my hand on the rest. When he mentioned he wanted me to get it all wet I went for the lube since I'm not totally comfortable with giving head (though I'm trying). He got upset, said he didn't want the lube, that he never liked it in the first place (he didn't mention that last time i used it), and that we should just stop. I told him that I didn't want to use just my mouth to make him wet and using the lube was a way for me to keep giving him head for a while and still be comfortable with it. Part of me thinks giving head is a bit degrading, but I also want us to have a healthy sexual relationship. I'm trying what he asked (doing oral longer), but he's not happy with how I tried to go about it. What else can I do? I can't see myself always being in the mood to give him oral whenever he darn well wants it. Please help.

[WildChild]

Does ne give you oral whenever you darn well want it and the way you want it?

[Nika]

I don't ask for it. He just does it if he feels like it. And we he does give me oral I don't ask for it in any particular way.

[WildChild]

Get pickier.
Get him to give you what YOU want the way you want it.
Then see how you feel about what he wants. Bet you'll feel more like giving when you are getting too.

[Hopeless Dork]

You of course should not do anything you don't want.

If you are looking for suggestions in keeping the penis wet during oral without putting it all on your mouth you can let saliva build in your mouth and just gently spit it back on to the penis. Not like you would spit on a curb, but just letting the saliva sort of roll out of your mouth.

Giving him satisfying oral doesn't require you to put it all in your mouth, the technique you are using of incorperating your hand is actually preferred by a lot of guys and if you just add in extra saliva you won't need to go in for the lube as much as you think you do.

Whats generally fun about oral for guys is having a girl thats genuinly excited to do it, if you don't want to do and are miserable that probably shows and I doubt he enjoys it very much if you are unhappy so maybe thats why he just stops you when you went for the lube.

No act is degrading unless it makes you feel degraded and any act can be degrading if its something you don't want to do. Oral sex is common in my relationship because I enjoy doing it... he doesn't make me feel like its a job. If he did I probably would not like it much.

Expressing intimacy and giving sexual pleasure /receiving it should be about being close and feeling good not being made to feel anything is something you 'have to do'.

How does he treat you outside of this issue? Do you feel that he cares about your feelings in general? Does he make you feel special and loved. Are you happy other than this issue? Is he?

[rcoreyus]

I think it is NOT OK for him to complain that you won't give him oral whenever he wants. (he's lucky to get it at all). It is OK for him to let you know what he likes, but that is completely different from complaining and getting angry.

If he is willing to do what you want and to try to please you in bed, you should try to please him as well. If he isn't doing something to make it degrading, you shouldn't think of oral as degrading. It is one of the nicest most intimate things a couple can share.

If you don't like doing it for too long, can you start with hands then finish him with oral. Some men are completely happy with that.

[Nika]

To be honest, I'm not sure how he regards my feelings. We live an hour and a half apart so we one of us visits the other it is usually 2 days or so. This weekend I left my place Friday evening with all the supplies for making bbq brisket sandwiches (his favorite) without telling him about the food. While the food cooked on Saturday he went to work for a bit while I went to compete in a sports tournament. That evening after we got back to his place is when I went down on him after he jokingly said, "I wonder when you're going to go down on me." I wanted to surprise him with how easily I agreed and simply went for it. Then all the aforementioned events occurred.

Later we watched a movie and I dished out the bbq to him for dinner. I also packed up all leftovers and them in his fridge since I know he likes taking those to work for lunch. Come to think of it, I didn't get a thank you for anything related to the food.

In the recent past he's told me I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had and that I'm amazingly beautiful. We've discussed visiting my family up north and taking a trip over the summer. Once he told me he loved me (about 1.5 months ago), but I haven't heard it since. I told him that I love him too and I still think it every-so-often now, but I don't feel that same warm. I could tell then that he obviously cared very much for me. I show my affection by the things I do: cooking for him, doing his laundry, tidying his apartment, partaking in games he enjoys. Am I missing something?

[MissTopaz]

Yes. It sounds like you're being used, whether on purpose or he's just taking you for granted.

[Ashlee T.]

There's got to be a happy medium. And maybe he's not ever going to be happy with that medium, which means (to me anyway) that both of you have sex, and give oral when you WANT to do it with compromise. That also means that during oral, you BOTH feel comfortable enough to be vocal about what feels good and what doesn't. It doesn't mean throw a little temper tantrum during when you are trying to compromise and do something he enjoys even though you don't enjoy it. And it sounds to me like he threw a little tantrum.

I've had both extremes. One guy would literally instruct me to the point that I felt like I may as well have not even been human. Like I should be some robot or something. I TOTALLY lost my sense of enjoyment of giving oral. Then, my current guy, well we've had issues with oral too, but the opposite. My first oral experience with him, he laid there totally motionless and didn't make even a PEEP the whole time. I was workng very hard down below trying to please him and got ZERO reaction. So I finally after literally wearing my mouth out, having cut the inside of my lip with my teeth from doing it soooo long, stop and say "is everything ok?" and he proclaimed he just "didn't know what was wrong". So the next day, after feeling totally humiliated, he tells me that maybe i didn't "go as far up and down as other people have". Needless to say, I was less than pleased with his more than 24 hr later feedback and was even more humiliated. Again, totally lost the enjoyment in doing it.

You have to be able to talk to each other...and feel comfortable and worthy of each other. BUT, he's taking it to the extreme. You should have sex and give oral when you want to. It's like making a donation, which is more enjoyable: donating because you someone said you should, or donating because you felt passionate about doing so?

[mommy2Keyoni]

everything is all about COMMUNICATION! Ive been with my bf for almost 3 yrs and oral was something i thought was jus disgusting. But, seeing as tho he had no problem with giving me some...i thought why should i be so selfish....ending result now i absolutely love it...i love pleasing him because he pleases me in everyway possible. You guys need to talk like really sit down and talk and express to him how u feel and vice versa. How ur feeling right now is exactly how i felt the beginning of my relationship. I didnt kno what i was doin so he taught me. n watchin pornos helps a great deal! i always keep this in my head. WHAT I WON'T DO ANOTHER WOMEN WILL! if something jus doesnt feel rite express that 2 him.