[rcoreyus]

Yes, I think you are missing something: a boyfriend who loves you. This sounds like a very asymmetric relationship. He says he thinks you are beautiful, you do everything for him.

What does he do for you? I understand why you feel like you are being used - I think that maybe you are.

To be honest, I'm not sure how he regards my feelings. We live an hour and a half apart so we one of us visits the other it is usually 2 days or so. This weekend I left my place Friday evening with all the supplies for making bbq brisket sandwiches (his favorite) without telling him about the food. While the food cooked on Saturday he went to work for a bit while I went to compete in a sports tournament. That evening after we got back to his place is when I went down on him after he jokingly said, "I wonder when you're going to go down on me." I wanted to surprise him with how easily I agreed and simply went for it. Then all the aforementioned events occurred.

Later we watched a movie and I dished out the bbq to him for dinner. I also packed up all leftovers and them in his fridge since I know he likes taking those to work for lunch. Come to think of it, I didn't get a thank you for anything related to the food.

In the recent past he's told me I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had and that I'm amazingly beautiful. We've discussed visiting my family up north and taking a trip over the summer. Once he told me he loved me (about 1.5 months ago), but I haven't heard it since. I told him that I love him too and I still think it every-so-often now, but I don't feel that same warm. I could tell then that he obviously cared very much for me. I show my affection by the things I do: cooking for him, doing his laundry, tidying his apartment, partaking in games he enjoys. Am I missing something?

[WildChild]

everything is all about COMMUNICATION! Ive been with my bf for almost 3 yrs and oral was something i thought was jus disgusting. But, seeing as tho he had no problem with giving me some...i thought why should i be so selfish....ending result now i absolutely love it...i love pleasing him because he pleases me in everyway possible. You guys need to talk like really sit down and talk and express to him how u feel and vice versa. How ur feeling right now is exactly how i felt the beginning of my relationship. I didnt kno what i was doin so he taught me. n watchin pornos helps a great deal! i always keep this in my head. WHAT I WON'T DO ANOTHER WOMEN WILL! if something jus doesnt feel rite express that 2 him.

In the same vein, you could also keep in mind that WHAT HE WON'T DO FOR YOU ANOTHER MAN WILL.

[Guest]

He sounds demanding and inconsiderate. It shouldn't feel degrading, you should want to do it. I agree with some of the above, instruct him the same way, with the same attitude.

[radosmalisic]

same problem with me , my boyfriend wants it every time and i don't know how to refuse him , , i like doing oral , but not every time

[mommy2Keyoni]

wildchild
I have no problems in my relationship besides the little pety arguments and if i did i just wouldnt be with him. I stated " HE PLEASES ME IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY " and with that said I have no reason to go to someone else.

[mylo99]

I've head great head and I've had terrible head. My penis has to repeatedly go at least 3-inches past her teeth in order for the head to be worthwhile. To me, when a woman puts only the head of my penis in her mouth while stroking me with her hand is TERRIBLE head. Whenever I met a woman like that, I just tapped her on the shoulder and moved on to other things (like giving her even more head, etc.). With new relationships, I have always been willing to do whatever and whenever and however it takes to make the woman happy in bed. Getting picky about giving pleasure doesn't usually happen until a relationship is years old at least. If giving head is psychologically even a remote problem for you, then you really need to work on that. Because giving head (both partners) is neither weird nor kinky nor perverted. Yes, it's somewhat submissive, but taking turns at submission is an integral part of sex. Oral sex is natural, normal and terrific (when done well). Perhaps your hang-up boils down to cleanliness. Are you more willing to give him head right after he has showered? If so, then maybe you should demand that he showers right before sex every time.

[MissMeSha810]

Unappreciated Head

Hey sweety. The worst vise is advise so I'mma kick it to you like this. It seems as if you are not too sure about the love you two have for each other. I wouldn't dare try to tell you to leave him but I would make some suggestions. As far as the love goes, you should talk that out because he may not realize what he's putting you through. And if there is no love, he doesn't deserve the head! lol. Now as far as the oral is concerned, you should try more licking the rest of the penis and use your spit with your hand instead of the lube. If he has issues with that then you two have alot of talking to do. And you should enjoy it as much as he does. If you don't enjoy it, honey don't do it. If he cant love and respect you for that, move on sister, move on.

[LilahX]

All really good advice. Communication is paramount, ask him to be patient and not so fussy.

Yes, using saliva to lubricate works really well. You just have to keep doing it to keep it wet. As for him wanting you to 'take it all' I'd say that is more a visual thing for him. Men are extremely visual. The most senstive area for him IS just around the head, and just under it. I find that using my fingers on the shaft (making them into a tight tube) and just my mouth and tongue on and around the head, gets great results. The hand gives the pressure and the tongue fnds 'the spot'.

Always keep your hand on it when taking him deeper. That way it will look like you're taking in more than you really are and he'll still have the pressure around it.

I've found that working on finding their sensitive spot and stimulating that,even slowly, makes them go crazy far more than sucking hard and fast (I'm too lazy for that!).

[Nika]

So here's the latest:

We talked on the phone today about what's been going on and I told him several of the suggestions and advice I've gotten here (not mentioning the forum I posted). That we both should feel comfortable with oral and if he really didn't like lube he should've just said so and we get back to the moment, rather than stopping it. That I don't like how he called everything off when I was trying what he wanted in the first place: longer oral. I'm willing to work on things and try things if I see the reason behind it. It's like the difference between "Don't do that, do this instead" and "I know you do this, but if you do this, this better thing can happen." I asked him what else can I do to make him happy, what else can I do to show I care? He said he didn't have an answer for that. After a while it came out that he wants a more submissive girlfriend in bed and he's not used to the "take charge" approach that I have. However, I have never told him to have sex with me a certain way or position. The only specific thing I told him was to always use a condom. Now he's upset that I've somehow taken an event that he was upset about and turned it into something I'm upset about.

I'm not sure how in the "right" or "wrong" I am. I told him I want to try these things he wants so long as he gives me the tiniest bit of a reason; I don't want to be given orders regarding our sexual relationship. Yes, he can ask for things to be done, but I may not always want to do them. So he's still mad at me and doesn't want to talk anymore this evening. It's happened in the past: when he gets upset he chooses not to talk to that person until he sleeps it off feels like talking to them again. I've told him I'm not a big fan of this, but I accept that that's how he deals with things. What have I said wrong? I told him I want to try things, I think we should communicate more, we should talk more during sex, we can go through more/different positions. I'm not sure there's much else I can do.

Oh, and I mentioned the whole bbq thing and he said, "I never asked for it anyways." When asked, he said he cares about my feelings, but something something excuse I can't remember.

[Nika]

And another thing, before I forget...

He just now said he wants a very sexual relationship, as in sex every day. I don't have that high of a sex drive; plus we can't visit each other every day. I'm perfectly content visiting him and doing a dinner/movie date. I foresee this causing more problems. Suggestions on how to cope/ compromise?