[stressed]

Thinking back over your posts here, it's hard to see why you are sticking around. Of course we all have our reasons but as an onlooker, this relationship sounds very unbalanced.

Well, he is not going to have this job forever and as for his insecurities regarding sex, they're supposed to be improving. I do want to be with him, I feel good around him, he makes me feel good too. The ideal solution would be to send him to a psychologist but he would never go to one.

[sourpuss]

Ugh, sorry stressed. You must be going crazy. So frustrating.

[rcoreyus]

Hi Stressed,
I'm sorry, but I still don't like the sound of what I am hearing. Studying can be every bit as much work as a job, and as important. If you are spending similar hours studying to what he puts in at work, then you should share the housework. When my wife was working and I was a grad-student, I worked crazy hours, but still did my share. In some ways jobs are easier - usually you can leave them behind when you go home - when you are in school there is always pressure for studying.

He threw away your vibrator - This is just not acceptable and is controlling. "worried his brother would find it" - was his brother planning on cleaning your underwear drawer? It sounds like he is trying to control your sexuality a really bad sign). If you were denying him sex and using a vibrator instead, he would have some point (though I would still not agree), but that isn't the case.


Overall - this guy sounds selfish and controlling. You seem like a nice person, I think you deserve much better than this.

Well, I think we both "have it our way" equally. Although, him having a physically demanding job and me studying has caused arguments in the past. I'm supposed to clean the house because he's tired from work and I'm at home. I'm supposed to shop for the same reason. Satisfy his weekday needs for the same reason. Even if I'd have a job he'd still be the same, as his job is all that. Maybe it's true, I don't know. He does have a slight advantage when it comes to his wishes just because of his job and if I complain about it I get the "you'll see when you have a job" back every time. I suppose he is selfish and spoiled in a sense, but we have made some changes, at least when it comes to every-day things. He's not as demanding as he used to be. But sexually, it's still the same.

I'd also like to add that he threw away my vibrator while he was cleaning the apartment last week. Said it was 'cause he didn't want his brother to find it, who was supposed to come over and help him with cleaning. Yet, he called his brother to tell him not to come over, as he was too tired to clean.
Oh well.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[sourpuss]

Don't even bother having the conversation with him! Just go out and get your toy and use it. You don't need his permission. He certainly isn't taking you into consideration in this whole thing.
He's controlling your sexuality, I agree with Richard. That is really negative. Do something for yourself, get the toy, have fun, relax. And don't worry about whether or not it's ok with him or what he's doing. He's going to do what he wants anyway. You making concessions on your end isn't working and I don't see that changing.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[sourpuss]

Maybe for him spending the time together is important for gettin in the mood. seems like the two of you are at an impass. You may have to give a little on that one.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[Ashlee T.]

Sorry girl, but it doesn't sound good. You might think that sex is the no 1 issue, but it seems to go much deeper than that. I agree that he seems controlling, and he's using the one thing he knows means a lot to you, your sex life. He KNOWS you have a high drive, and he's not concerned in the least with pleasing you. But he has the gall to sit back and ask you for a "favor"? That's proof his sex drive is not the issue. He is selfish and has little respect for you where that is concerned at least. And probably the more you ask him about it, the more you bring it up, the less he wants to.

#1. I'd go get myself a new and even better toy. It won't solve your relationship problems but it will certainly ease some frustration. And not in the way "I'm doing this because you won't take care of me", but "I'm doing this because its what I WANT to do". Masturbation does not have to be a mutual agreement.

#2. I'd really reevaluate my relationship.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)