[Guest]

there is something else going on. men dont just get that way. what else happened?

[Stina]

I'm having a hard time understanding his reasoning of being "tired" and the fact that sex requires "too much energy." What the heck does he do for a living? Is he ill? Is he morbidly obese? I'm totally not trying to be harsh here in asking that, but seriously. Is there some sort of physical external factor that would allow him to justifiably give the "tired" excuse? We're all tired, all the time, yet there's a fair amount of shagging going on out there if we're still surviving as a species.

Does he make you feel desired otherwise? Compliments you? Tells you you're beautiful or reminds you of the reasons why he's with you? I could see if he really did have some physical issue going on or had an incredibly demanding job and really, truly, honestly just was too wiped out for sex on a regular basis. But if he's not providing you with much in other facets of the relationship, then it seems like avoiding sex and choosing masturbation is just a symptom.

From your posts it seems like you're willing to put so much more into figuring these issues out than he is. You deserve a lot more than whatever energy he may have left over at the end of the day.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Masterbation is quicker right? BJ's are laying on your back taking it, feeling it, and quicker right?

Sex is a chore, they have to do the work and it takes longer right? Bollocks

Tell him to lay there and be selfish, you'll help yourself and jump on top.............6 times a week...................

But, seriously, telling you 3 days ahead of time, is sending me real bad vibes.

CW

[rcoreyus]

This doesn't sound good. I think people should feel free to masturbate whenever they want IF they are also providing their SOs with all the sex they want. To masturbate and then not want sex with you seems wrong. It also seems wrong to just ask for a BJ and offer nothing in return. Again nothing wrong with this once in a while - if one partner is tired, having the other please them - but not when you haven't had sex in a while.

I'm not sure I agree with Sperosi that "men just don't get that way", there have been other posts by women whose men didn't want sex with them, but it is unusual.

He might be back to porn again. (I don't object IF it isn't interfering with his sex life with his SO - but here it is). It might be something else.

Is it possible his job really has be super stressful this week? Maybe he really is tired? I'd give him a couple of weeks to recover - this really might be nothing, but it does worry me.

[jns]

This sounds like a power struggle. He is controlling his own pleasure and is trying to control yours. Everything is done on his schedule. He's probably upset about your stronger sex drive.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[Greydog72]

There is nothing wrong with masterbating as long as you are working to help your sex life...It does help if done the right way.

Most guys like to get it done fast and quick, which can hurt their sex life within time. I have learned to masterbate in a way that has actually helped...not my inventions, can't take credit for it...from a PE(Penial Exercise) Forum.

It's like a body workout....We are dealing with a odd little type of muscle and it does work...

Some suggestions:
-He needs to do male kegels - start with 5 sets of 10 and hold each one for 10 seconds.

-Ballooning: Masterbating to the edge and stopping and right before you lose your erection or it softens...start up again...It's hard to do at first because you have the urge to finish....Need to try for over ten minutes...I can do it for usually 20 if I really, really, try. Takes time and I try to do this at least 3 times a week.

-needs to masterbate everyday to non completion...I do this 3 times a day. Continual blood flow to the area...that is one of the big things about ED...Men get comfortable not having Pup-tents in the morning like when they where younger...blood flow is the most important thing for that area...Everyday.

Yes, it is a workout...Studies have shown that ED is usually the first stages of Heart Disease problems and diabetes.

For men, it's how you masterbate and not how much...If I am horny, I can power thur one in seconds....It's trying to teach my self some control.

-I would like my SO to be a part of my exercises...that may be something you suggest.

There are forums for men...you may look up PE Gym type forums...be careful tho...a lot of men go on there to increase size, call jalqing. That's a totally different thing...I use it to help with staminia...

GL, Dog

[WildChild]

Very interesting Greydog.
I've been fighting this and it's a losing battle. He masterbates for stress relief and doesn't care what other effects it may have. Oddly (to me at least) he is facinated with the idea (not the reality, just the idea) of over the top sex. Reality is a couple times a month with no foreplay, no build up, pretty much the same thing every time - it does the job - but sex shouldn't be a job. But the idea of being in porn (not just watching) phone sex (he actually applied for job at this but backed out when he realized that it was probably not women he would be dealing with) this type of stuff facinates him. He can't see that the real over the top arousal and satisfaction is not in an isolated physical experience but in the balance of sexual, emotional and spiritual connection channeled into a sexual experience. I think many people, male and female, are terrified of that level of connection. They think they will lose themselves, when in reality it should be the ultimate in finding.

[Greydog72]

Very interesting Greydog.
I've been fighting this and it's a losing battle. He masterbates for stress relief and doesn't care what other effects it may have. Oddly (to me at least) he is facinated with the idea (not the reality, just the idea) of over the top sex. Reality is a couple times a month with no foreplay, no build up, pretty much the same thing every time - it does the job - but sex shouldn't be a job. But the idea of being in porn (not just watching) phone sex (he actually applied for job at this but backed out when he realized that it was probably not women he would be dealing with) this type of stuff facinates him. He can't see that the real over the top arousal and satisfaction is not in an isolated physical experience but in the balance of sexual, emotional and spiritual connection channeled into a sexual experience. I think many people, male and female, are terrified of that level of connection. They think they will lose themselves, when in reality it should be the ultimate in finding.

well put...That's what I kind of told my SO this last weekend about level of growth and that I was ready to take the next step. The hard part is trying to find the right partner that wants to take the next step with you. Consciouse growth within ones self can only go so far alone...If it wants to continue, they need to take the next steps with someone of trust. And I don't mean things like Tantra...That, in my mind, is just another tool to help couples go to the next level...lot of good info in Tantra.
Sad thing about it is, I don't think that it can be done alone..