[Hopeless Dork]

You know... I think for a lot of guys they do think they have a low sex drive despite masturbating almost daily. I think some of them see masturbation as just a bodily function , like their morning shower and don't put 2 and 2 together that maybe... just maybe ... they'd have a higher drive for sex if they didn't already empty their testicles.

He can say they re-generate every few hours all he wants but if he doesn't put that re-generation into actual sex then the fact he technically CAN perform after masturbating is a moot point.

Besides, Why should you have to be the one to put in all the effort to get him excited for a round 2 that he may or may not be up to. Thats the part that hurts.

Its like he uses that carefree, ready to go boner on himself or whatever mean while you have to do backflips to get him interested and it just isn't fair. Rest assured that if he hadn't masturbated... it wouldn't matter how tired or stressed he'd find the energy to be intimate with you. His body would crave you.

Its like spoiling your dinner, especially for a guy that really only has a need/desire to do it once or less in a day.

For guys that can masturbate 10 times a day and still want their girlfriend/wife too.. hey, i suggest a hobby or something but... more power to you if you have the time and the energy.

Its not you wanting to take his toy from him. Its you wanting him to share it. Its not unreasonable.

[Stina]

On the same phone call he tells me that I shouldn't expect any sex 3 days later.

lsadjflaksjdflkasdjfkls !!!!! So, at this point, he has pretty much planned what you're going to do in your spare time socially and now is plotting when he's decided he's going to give you sex?

He gets tired by giving oral (out of breath) so I don't ask for it. It doesn't happen more than twice a year even if he gets his OFTEN. I'm not demanding and don't put him down. When he's had ED problems in the beginning I was there for him. I'd go for quiet walks with him after a failed sex effort and then spend the rest of the night holding him and reassuring him that I love him anyway. That I wouldn't cheat on him because of sex.

One time, very long ago, he got so extremely mad at himself over losing an erection during sex that it made me cry, because I didn't want him to feel bad because of sex, or me, or his problems. I didn't want him to feel any less of a man because I wanted sex. So I stopped asking for it for a long time. I let him watch porn, I gave him time, I stopped initiating and I still don't force him into anything.

But 2 years down the road with him suggesting marriage often, I do have to start looking at my needs too. I have done anything you can possibly imagine to help him, either physically or emotionally. The past few months I've managed to make him more open about HIS fantasies, not mine, so he would feel more comfortable about being more sexual with me. Even if his fantasies don't include me in an interactive way. He still hasn't asked once if there's something I'd like to do. Maybe because he's afraid he won't be able to do it. But I can't help anymore. I can't suggest even more ideas to make HIS sex life better. I'm drained. I don't love him any less for that and I am not considering leaving him at all, but I am drained. This is why I come here, to just vent and get ideas. To help myself deal with it. To see how many others, either men or women, deal with the same issue. It's my only consolation.

There are only so many sacrifices YOU can make before you need to really turn the spotlight on him. In my opinion, you are doing everything you need to be doing as a supportive girlfriend.. and then some! A happy relationship isn't one sided and it seems like he's holding back on a lot. "Tired" is an excuse, NOT a reason.

What was his upbringing like? Did he have bad sexual experiences in the past? With exes? Maybe sexual abuse? Did a past flame over criticize his abilities? How is his confidence level in situations outside of the bedroom?

You're putting yourself out there on so many levels, as a supportive girlfriend and an understanding and patient sexual partner. There's something, on his part, that's preventing him from realizing this or, perhaps, allowing him to ignore it.

Are you willing to share some details of what sex is like when you do have it? Who initiates and sets the pace? Does he focus solely on you for at least some portion of it? Or is it one-two-done?

[Greydog72]

I'm drained. I don't love him any less for that and I am not considering leaving him at all, but I am drained. This is why I come here, to just vent and get ideas. To help myself deal with it. To see how many others, either men or women, deal with the same issue. It's my only consolation.

Thank you... me too

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[WildChild]

This all sounds entirely too familar. Been there, still there with much of it

Jumping on him or starting something only leads to him getting oral or using his hand. As if he's too excited to think that I may be turned on as well or thinks I can handle it. 1 out of 3 times I ask if he'd like this to turn into sex, which he doesn't say no to, but it feels like an effort I have to make and I'm not always sure it's what he wants. Needless to say he doesn't take care of me when he's done if I'm not. He's said he's like that because "when men have an orgasm they have no energy/intentions for anything sexual afterwards, they just relax"...
.

Increasingly I'm thinking it's a passive aggressive thing.

[rhiannon34]

This all sounds entirely too familar. Been there, still there with much of it


Increasingly I'm thinking it's a passive aggressive thing.

This was my thought as well after reading most of these posts. I am also wondering if he wouldn't want it more, if you just acted like you didn't. Some men just aren't into sexually aggressive women. Mabye you could act like you are uninterested, and see if he didn't take the reigns.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[jns]

Maybe clever double-entendres or clever sex based comments used to tease him will get him ready to go without him even knowing that you are at least partially in control. Always have a plausible story for the comment as to the non-sex based explanation. This will excite the sex portion of his brain, but will confuse the logic portion of his brain. I would think in this case that he would think he is the one initiating sex, but after subtle encouragement by you.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[Texasred]

Stressed;
I have to tell you, this whole long story begins to make me think this guy is going to be much more trouble for you than he's worth.
He's too out of breath to have sex, but he smokes? He's too tired for sex, but not too tired to masturbate?
Maybe the truth is that he's just too self-centered to have a relationship with a real live human being.
If being out of breath concerned him, he'd quit smoking and take up an aerobic exercise. If being tired all the time concerned him, he'd work out and get himself to where he could handle his job without it exhausting him daily. The fact that he has not done so speaks volumes.

Best of luck to you; you're going to need it.
- TR