[WildChild]

OK. I'm not going any where. I'm mad at myself for even throwing that to the GODS.

At the end of the day I guess I'll take the "friend" over the "lover" -- I guess I just "traditional" - I don't want to mess it all up.

There seems to be a current of fear in your response to all this. Do you fear being alone? That if he isn't in your life, no one else will be? That you will be unable to care for yourself? He is old enough to be your father but you are old enough to care for yourself and if he continues on this path you may end up caring for him.You can't force him to care for himself but depending on your response to this you are finding yourself "forced" to deal with a lack of sex and loving interaction and you may be "forced" to deal with the health issues resulting from his choices.

But it's your choice.

[pretzel]

There seems to be a current of fear in your response to all this. Do you fear being alone? That if he isn't in your life, no one else will be? That you will be unable to care for yourself? He is old enough to be your father but you are old enough to care for yourself and if he continues on this path you may end up caring for him.You can't force him to care for himself but depending on your response to this you are finding yourself "forced" to deal with a lack of sex and loving interaction and you may be "forced" to deal with the health issues resulting from his choices.

But it's your choice.

Don't disagree with the sentiment here but I think I'd use "resigned" as opposed to "forced". The fear aspect I think is true though. There may well be a fear of being alone and the fear of not finding love again. I think that is a fear we all have faced at one point or another in our lives. It's how we handle this fear that will ultimately determine what choices we make.

[grrrr]

Don't disagree with the sentiment here but I think I'd use "resigned" as opposed to "forced". The fear aspect I think is true though. There may well be a fear of being alone and the fear of not finding love again. I think that is a fear we all have faced at one point or another in our lives. It's how we handle this fear that will ultimately determine what choices we make.

I totally see where you both are coming from, but I actually don't have that fear at all.... although I do sound pretty desperate! I guess I just don't know how to get through to him, and get him to talk to his doctor... you can't force someone to do the right thing. What's the saying = "you can lead a dog to water but you can't make them drink" -- that dog is the Hubs!

[grrrr]

Well: Happy note: we went on a "romantic"dinner - I'm the total douche bag when it comes to spending money - we're saving for a sizeable downpayment.... he told me that "nothing is too pricey for my sweetie" - which is totally who he is....... so we ate. we had a great venue........ but we over ate.... eerrggh! I think that I ate for like 7 people! You have to know that I'm 5'11, I'm a size 4-6 --- I knew what I was getting into, wore the 6......... thank god! It was really fun - but, like any "romantic" date, one hopes for something........ well, not after that. I suggested, he asked if I was for real? I said, "I'm always up for anything....... top/bottom/sideways - your call" - well... didn't happen.

SO... no spanky the wanky tonight, but he said tomorrow...... we shall see. I have some leftover tenderloin.......... at least that's one "loin" I can eat!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

lol's.

SO... no spanky the wanky tonight, but he said tomorrow...... we shall see. I have some leftover tenderloin.......... at least that's one "loin" I can eat!

I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh but your last comment was well, hilarious.

OK. I'm not going any where. I'm mad at myself for even throwing that to the GODS.

At the end of the day I guess I'll take the "friend" over the "lover" -- I guess I just "traditional" - I don't want to mess it all up.

Mess what up? You can't live with a "friend" for the rest of your life, you will be in a loveless relationship.

That emotion is one that no woman can turn off... Meaning, sure she can shut it down, if it is she that wants to live that life, but if she doesn't she can't turn off that desire to be loved, and love.

So, are you saying his reaction to all you said, was to take you for dinner? And, therefore, he showed his love?

That is what it sounds like to me.

CW

[grrrr]

lol's.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh but your last comment was well, hilarious.



Mess what up? You can't live with a "friend" for the rest of your life, you will be in a loveless relationship.

That emotion is one that no woman can turn off... Meaning, sure she can shut it down, if it is she that wants to live that life, but if she doesn't she can't turn off that desire to be loved, and love.

So, are you saying his reaction to all you said, was to take you for dinner? And, therefore, he showed his love?

That is what it sounds like to me.

CW

Well, I'm glad to make laughs, it made me laugh too! And I totally get where you're coming from with your comment - I think that I keep coming across as someone who is a hypocrit and someone who doesn't have a voice (or a spine for that matter) - but No, I don't equate dinner as something other than WAAAAY too much food for one person and one digestive system! It was a nice "gesture" - and I do appreciate that he made that effort. It's not totally his fault that he can't get it up, I guess I just focus on it too much and become "shrewish" and awful............ I think that I need to lay off a little. He can't help his medicine and that stuff..... but at least he tried to be "romantic" and do something nice.....

Oh well. I don't even think that post made me seem any less "passive" - so I'm sorry that I'm so confusing - I think that I'm trying to muddle through all of this myself, and I thank everyone for being my "sounding board" - which I appreciate.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's a hard place.

In one way you understand his problem, and it's not his fault.

In another way, your human and love your husband and so therefore, your frustrated and forget the understanding, wanting it to be different.

Is that Human? Yep.

I guess, all you can do is try everything under the sun, because until you do, you won't find the solution...

It is good that he's romantic, but I think he did it in order to "try" to say sorry for something that he at this stage, can't change.

So as I said, look for the solutions, there has to be one..

I think you have a wicked sense of humor so that may help you through some

CW

[grrrr]

Thank you CW! If you can't laugh at life sometimes, what else can you do?????

[Texasred]

grrrr,
I can sympathize with you, empathize too: my situation is like yours, I keep having moments when I get my hopes up - like this evening: We went out, our son was at a friend's house for the evening, we had fun, talked, ate a good meal, generally had a good time.
Then we came home and went each to our own bedrooms.
Bummer, eh?

Wish I could give you a word or two of wisdom, but I'm just not there yet.
- TR

[Guest]

I know just how lousy you must be feeling right now. sex IS very important part of a relationship, and the thought of being just friends is even painful for me to think of.

but let me play devils advocate for a minute...

would you rather be with him, someone who does love you and that you can be friends with;

or

in a relationship where the is no "intimacy", where the two people aren't really friends, or even friendly, but there is regular sex?

I know we want it all (who doesn't), but sometimes the grass is greener because there is more ___ fertilizing it.