[pretzel]

honestly, most guys aren't that different from our wonderful counterparts. For those of us there is a world of difference between "ejaculation" and "orgasm".

Ejaculation in it's simpliest form, is the physical release of sperm and other bodily fluids. That typically comes from repetitive friction to the penis. Nothing more, nothing less.

Orgasm, on the other hand, is the culmination of emotional pleasure coupled with the physicality of sexual activity. Orgasms are as much a feeling as it is a physical release.

In as much as there are obvious physical differences between the sexes, maybe by redefining the end result of female masturbation to refer to it as female ejaculation (minus the sperm and fluids) the end result is really just a physical release.

[WildChild]

Orgasm, on the other hand, is the culmination of emotional pleasure coupled with the physicality of sexual activity. Orgasms are as much a feeling as it is a physical release.

In as much as there are obvious physical differences between the sexes, maybe by redefining the end result of female masturbation to refer to it as female ejaculation (minus the sperm and fluids) the end result is really just a physical release.

I agree. In no way is masterbation remotely close to making love.

[cuff]

I haven't really read any of the responses but, if I was with a woman that I couldn't orgasm with through intercourse. But, she knew I could through masturbation and never tried it or cared if I orgasmed or not. I'd have a very big problem. It would say a lot of different things about how she feels about me and the relationship.

[A Dying Breed]

I agree. In no way is masterbation remotely close to making love.

QFT!


Also, heres my difference. I would be a heck of alot less frustrated if a woman knew I had ejaculated with other women or able to ejaculate during masturbation, and she kept trying new things or just didnt give up. But if I couldnt orgasm, and my partner couldnt care less, you'd better believe I'd be P.O.'d

[Guest]

If you couldn't....... ? A question for the men (ladies chime in too!)

So gentlemen.... here you are, on a Womens Message Forum and you get to see ALL of the issues we deal with, and even our most private ones about sex. Commonly you see the posting from women about having an orgasmless sexual relationship. Actually it's SO common for women to be unable to orgasm through sex with their partners that the percentage is WAY up there (its been quoted here before, but I don't want to get it wrong...so I'll shush).

As we all know, it is way less common for a man to have this issue. Most men can reach orgasm with their hands, with a toy, with...well...anything. And we all also know that the release men feel and need is a result of ejaculation. So I ask you, to take yourself into another world for a moment. Close your eyes and truly imagine yourself in an orgasmless relationship...one where you can have sex, but that sex never leads to ejaculation? What does that do to your sex drive with your partner? What does that do to your sexual desire for your partner?

First, welcome to my world ! I am one of those men !! I have not been able to ejaculate inside the woman I love for quite a while (the last ten lovemaking sessions at least I love sex, intimacy, being naked together, closing my eyes and imagining her naked, etc., etc. I just don't ejaculate while inside her or without quite a bit of extra stimulation Does nothing to my sex drive...as I've told her many times, I come away satisfied mentally and physically knowing that I was able to make her orgasm and usually orgasm more than once as it's a beuatiful thing to see her in a state of sexual bliss and the afterglow is amazing too, butt she is disappointed....doesn't come right out and say it, but I can sense it. She feels "not sexy enough" or "unattractive" and in some extreme cases..."unloved" OMG! I can't believe that I make the women I love feel this way.....hard to admit even harder to take It doesn't diminish my drive for my partner one bit...no impact on my end...none. I can't say what it does to her drive/desire for me for sure

Tell us, what do you think this type of world would be like for you?

This type of world is okay with me...except for the fact that it seems to have such an impact on her....and yes, I'd like to experience her orgasm and my ejaculation/orgasm together.

Ladies, please advise me...WC ?

[Guest]

Sorry my above post was such a run on, run together mess. I was afraid of being timed out so I just typed as fast as i could as much as I could

[WildChild]

You say you possibly can ejaculate inside her but it requires extra stimulation, what is that extra stimulation?
Is is something very specific?
Can you cum from self stimulation?

[Guest]

Sorry WC, again I wasn't clear...

NO, I can't ejaculate inside her and can't ejaculate at all without extra manual stimulation.

Yes, ejaculation is no problem when masturbating. My grip is fairly tight, the friction fairly good and the focus on the frenelum (?) direct.
I'm not much of a masturbator, couple times a month, and even less since I read online that there can be a correlation between masturbation and delayed ejaculation.
In addition, my own personal experience tells me that the velocity and volume of my ejaculations are much greater when I refrain from masturbating....that is until now.
I haven't increased my masturbation, but like flicking a light switch, my ability to "cum together" has been shut off. And we both love it !!
She has described in detail the difference she feels when I am able to "cum on her cervix" while she is orgasming versus her orgasming alone. She enjoys all of the orgasms I am able to provide her with either by finger, by oral, by intercourse, by toy or a combination of these, but the very best orgasm is the one she experiences when I am able to ejaculate on her cervix....it's mind blowing.

There are many contributing factors I would imagine...though I'm really not sure...I know that I want to do whatever is necessary to get back to the way we once were.

Books, classes, advice from forums, therapy, etc. I don't care, whatever it takes. I love this woman and she/we are worth it!

[WildChild]

I assume you've consulted a urologist? Just to be sure there aren't any umm structural problems?
Pretty much all men use a fairly tight grip on themselves, although I've noted that some like more shaft work while others like to keep things close to the head. I've found getting a man to come from a hj can be more work and more tiring than a bj and I've got some muscle from my work. I don't know how women who do office work handle it, LOL.

You just might find doing kegels helpful. They can give a man a harder errection and more control over ejaculation as well as being good for the prostate. To find these muscles you need to stop the flow when urinating. You can confirm it by inserting a finger anally and feeling the muscles contract. Use a squeeze, hold, release pattern. You want to get to a 10 second hold. When done properly you should see or feel your testicles lift a bit when you squeeze. I don't know if this will resolve your concern but it should give you more control.

You might also considering consulting a tantric teacher. But be careful on this, there are some who really know their stuff and then there are a bunch who went to a weekend semminar and then put out their single as an tantric educator. Sort of the fake til you make it thinking and you don't need that - nobody does. They do have techniques that could resolve this I think although they actually work at learning to do what you are doing involuntarily, which is delaying or stopping ejaculation.

[Guest]

I assume you've consulted a urologist? Just to be sure there aren't any umm structural problems?

I haven’t recently, but I have in the past as part of my regular annual physical. Next physical comes up in the spring.

Pretty much all men use a fairly tight grip on themselves, although I've noted that some like more shaft work while others like to keep things close to the head.

For me, it’s the head cause that’s where the frenulum is and stimulation of same causes the end result.

I've found getting a man to come from a hj can be more work and more tiring than a bj and I've got some muscle from my work. I don't know how women who do office work handle it, LOL.

When giving a HJ do you focus on the frenulum? Otherwise known as the “man clit”?

You just might find doing kegels helpful. They can give a man a harder errection and more control over ejaculation as well as being good for the prostate. To find these muscles you need to stop the flow when urinating.

After admitting and owning up to the fact that I was a Delayed Ejaculator, I did a fair amount of reading on it and kegals are mentioned frequently. I haven’t gotten them to be a regular part of my daily routine yet, though I do try to do them when I’m in the car…every time I stop the car, I hold for ten seconds, while maintaining normal breathing, and then release. If I time a light just right, I can get three or four in a row.

You can confirm it by inserting a finger anally and feeling the muscles contract. Use a squeeze, hold, release pattern. You want to get to a 10 second hold. When done properly you should see or feel your testicles lift a bit when you squeeze. I don't know if this will resolve your concern but it should give you more control.

Haven’t done the anal insertion thing yet but I’m quite sure I have found my kegals. I’m doing them as I type this, and yes, I feel my testicles lift as I’m typing….TMI?

You might also considering consulting a tantric teacher. But be careful on this, there are some who really know their stuff and then there are a bunch who went to a weekend semminar and then put out their single as an tantric educator.

It may sound crazy, but I would love to find a “teacher” of some sort to help me resolve my issue. Not for any weird or perverted reason but just because I’ve always done better when I had to go to class (it got done) versus trying to do it online (would never attempt a class online, not disciplined enough).

“Murphy” has lived in my house from time to time, as in Murphy’s Law, so it would be just my luck that I’d get one of those weekend seminar types.

Sort of the fake til you make it thinking and you don't need that - nobody does. They do have techniques that could resolve this I think although they actually work at learning to do what you are doing involuntarily, which is delaying or stopping ejaculation.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s what I thought Tantra was, delaying/stopping ejaculation with the goal of extending lovemaking. I am able to maintain an erection for quite a long time and provide all of the intercourse/thrusting my partner desires…and then some(most of the time) At least I thought that was what one of the first stages of tantra was…I think I remember that there are many stages or levels to tantra.

How about books WC? Know of any?

I appreciate your help and help from anybody else is appreciated too.