[Rediscovered]

Orgasmless sex is the type of sex I have with my sweetheart~~it's called karezza and it's the most wonderful thing to ever happen to our sex lives.

Without orgasm, neither of us feels the "hangover" associated with too much dopamine~~we can spend literally hours *connected* and when we are finished, we feel energetic and healed. We have both learned to relax and focus on the genitals and the present moment. He is able to go deeper inside me than I ever thought possible and it is amazing. It also creates a feeling of always being ready...it's very sensual and we can feel even the slightest touch. It keeps us very close as we are always creating oxytocin (the "cuddle" hormone) and that lends us a feeling of well-being and connection.

We spend more time "penis-in-vagina" than I've probably had in my entire sexual life (I'm 50 years old). It has been life-changing and I don't think I could ever go back to conventional sex.

[nic22]

I just cant bring my self to that dark place. I just don't want to beleive there is really a on earth.

[oxy-moron]

Seeker_advice. Take note of Rediscovereds comments. What she says should be of particular interest to you.
Search on oxytocin and male ejaculation on Pubmed- It is used as a last resort trreatment for male ejac. problems.
Karezza could change your appreciation of life significantly- there is nothing like the feeling of being high on oxytocin.
As for the OP - you are probably preaching to the converted as the guys on this website are mainly Fuser types who place their women first.
You need to be making these comments on a Motoring website- may not get many positive responses.

[Ashlee T.]

I kept wondering why I was getting notifications about this thread all day on my email. So I checked when I got home, and to my astonishment, I wrote it. LOL!

Wow...I'm interested in this orgasmless sex. I mean, not that I don't want to continue having orgasms....but I like new things, new experiences. Rediscovered: Do you NEVER have an orgasm with your partner, or is this just something you all do sometimes?

Seeker - glad you opened up here.......I know that can't be an easy topic for a guy to address. It's a common prob for us ladies, so we can understand to some extent. I can also understand your gf's feelings as well. At times when my ex couldn't ejaculate, I felt like a failure. I expect based on what you've said, you've communicated this to her very openly so she doesn't feel that way. I do think you should could consider abstaining....both from masturbation and sex for a while and see if that makes any difference....perhaps you've somehow become densensitized.

[Guest]

Oxy-moron Don't really know where you're coming from or what your comments pertain to...

BD Thanks. I hope that I help someone else as I continue to deal with my own challenges. Abstaining is on the "to do next" list which also makes it a double edged sword as my SO has a very high drive and interest in making love on a regular (daily) basis. I tell her almost every day when I fail, that it's not her problem, it's mine and that it has nothing to do with her. Sometimes I think she's okay with it and sometimes not so much.

[Rediscovered]

Wow...I'm interested in this orgasmless sex. I mean, not that I don't want to continue having orgasms....but I like new things, new experiences. Rediscovered: Do you NEVER have an orgasm with your partner, or is this just something you all do sometimes?

What has started happening now that he is no longer ejaculating and I am no longer "working" toward orgasm (which means lots of centered breathing, stillness mixed with movement, focusing on the present, etc.) is we both have waves of sensations that are similar to an orgasm, but they feel like you are riding a wave rather than going over the top of a waterfall (hope that makes sense, lol!). My complete relaxation of my pelvis and my mind now allow his penis to reach places that feel like they *need* to be touched. It's very cleansing and therapeutic for me. And he loves nothing more than to be very still deep inside me. He says he can now feel the entire shaft of his penis and I can feel waves of energy coming from it.

Karezza is gentle intercourse and we have found that we can make love for as long as we need to until all sexual tension melts away. We try to stay away from hungry/needy behavior or getting near the edge of orgasm. Whenever we feel ourselves heating up too much, we slow down and breathe and let those feelings subside. There is a delicious feeling that happens whenever you take it back down a notch.

We try to stay away from orgasm because afterwards, it can make us feel like we are *done* with each other. I don't like that feeling and neither does he. Making love without orgasm means that we are always ready for one another. It has also helped my moods stay on even keel, I have found. He has noticed much more energy for work and for life. It has brought out creativity in both of us. Oxytocin (without a dopamine rush) is wonderful for bonding two people together.

[penelopeew]

And women most certainly do need to be aroused to have sex comfortably or to be able to enjoy it - rapists don't care about that but other men should.

WC - this struck a very big chord with me. in my last relationship my boyfriend cared nothing for whether i orgasmed or not. Sex became a chore based only around pleasuring him and would basically just lie back and take it until he was done. I was never truely aroused, and it always hurt, but sometimes i was hoping for some kind of release and mentally trying to encourage myself to let go and enjoy it and reach an orgasm, but always sort of knowing in the back of my mind that it wasn't going to happen. Could you then interpret this as me having been raped continuously by my boyfriend?

Yes, it was sort of consensual, in the terms that i allowed him to do it, but mentally and physically all signs pointed to 'NO this is not what i want' and more often than not he would have to coax me and manipulate me until i finally gave in and let him have his way. I guess i'm interested in where you draw the line with the definition of rape... my ex knew i wasn't interested, eventually didn't care about whether i orgasmed or not, certainly not enough to continue to pleasure me after he had finished, and would yet would expect me to comprimise and give him oral sex if i was dead set on not allowing him to take me.

So are you saying that ejaculation is not climax for men? Perhaps it is a misconception, but it seems that men masturbate to ejaculate just like women masturbate to have an orgasm.

My current boyfriend (a VAST improvement on the last one, a new aged gentlemen if there ever was one) told me recently that for him, it's not always pleasurable to masturbate, and sometimes he doesn't do it for an orgasm, but purely to rid himself of a nagging feeling he gets that is a need for the physical release of ejaculation, and afterward he is relieved of this feeling and can get on with whatever he was doing. Interesting, huh?

[oxy-moron]

Oxy-moron Don't really know where you're coming from or what your comments pertain to...

BD Thanks. I hope that I help someone else as I continue to deal with my own challenges. Abstaining is on the "to do next" list which also makes it a double edged sword as my SO has a very high drive and interest in making love on a regular (daily) basis. I tell her almost every day when I fail, that it's not her problem, it's mine and that it has nothing to do with her. Sometimes I think she's okay with it and sometimes not so much.

Sorry if this was offtrack- It is just that low Oxytocin has been linked to male orgasm problems in research. You can boost oxytocin levels through gentle massage. Another thing to try is pulling the skin on shaft downwards at the base so as to put tension on the head. This seems to double or triple the sensation- you have to use the right position though.

[Guest]

Oxy Moron Your points are very clear now. Thanks for clearing them up. I had never heard of this before.

What a great forum this is....

[Texasred]

My current boyfriend ... told me recently that for him, it's not always pleasurable to masturbate, and sometimes he doesn't do it for an orgasm, but purely to rid himself of a nagging feeling he gets that is a need for the physical release of ejaculation, and afterward he is relieved of this feeling and can get on with whatever he was doing. Interesting, huh?

He's not the only one who's felt that way.