[txdot2010]

I've been living this same situation the last few months and when confronted with it she claims sleepsex, but it has continued, but more quietly. The night she awoke me at 4:10am with a huge shudder, a big moan, and heavy breathing and then waits a few minutes before checking her email on her iPhone was the kicker. She's devolved into some fantasy world that doesn't include me and has to get her release almost every night. I just take some benadryl and try to get some sleep so I don't lose my job. The last thing you want to do is try and join in because she's not thinking about you, it won't work for either of you and she'll resent the intrusion. 3 times a week is outstanding, you should get a blue ribbon at the fair. I'm hoping for 6 times this year.

[Ryanl35]

Frank Duke, I would be glad to update. Besides the one time I brought it up to her I have not done so since, and that was 10 months ago. She flipped like I said. She claimed she would have to go on some anxiety pills b/c she called it sleep sex (which was only happening with herself), anyway she never went on pills told me to "wake her" if I noticed it again. I knew I would get nowhere with her so I never brought it up again. I slowly realized that we had some other issues to tackle in our relationship before I could address this. So that is what I did. I worked on building up trust, "our" special time and just plain old fun. I have noticed in the last 2 months or so it has slowed down. I can look at this two ways, one it's something I can't control but she is right next to me and not doing something else with someone else, or two I have seen an improvement b/c of our "reconnection". I say improvement b/c the entire act itself is sneeky, selfish, and just wierd. Masturbation is fine but not what she is doing. She just is not like this during her "awake" hours, like I said she is more reserved. I know I love her and she love's me. I have learned to live with this and just try to reasure myself this is nothing I can control and concentrate on the rest of our relationship I can control. You know I have to say even our sex life has improved both in quality and quanity. Don't know if I helped but feel free to ask more questions.

[oxy-moron]

You have to look at this from a zoological perspective.
These ladies are still interested in SEX just not in their husbands.
Why not - because every mammalian species has a trigger to desire sex. The male of the species must deliver behaviours that trigger mating. This is well studied and known about for years. This behaviour raises oxytocin in the female and triggers the desire for sex. Scientists have recently been able to bypass these behaviours with direct injections of oxytocin. The mating dance or behaviour no longer required.

Humans are no different- In order to get receptivity the male has to boost Oxytocin.
This is done with touch -massage - compliment- strokes- chill time and sex.
I guess you could call it a type of slow foreplay.
The male will stop providing these behaviours often because his own Oxytocin level is low because he is not getting sex. (Or because of the Coolidge effect) So a viscous cycle is created. In order to break this downward spiral one of the Partners is going to overcome their own negativity and raise the Oxytocin levels.
Forget about Testerone or Oestogen , Oxytocin drives everything from Female desire to male erection and orgasm. It is the hormone that along with Dopamine provides the feeling of love. It can be manipulated.- Manipulate it.

[I_Am_A_Man]

dude, are you only having sex with her at night before you guys go to bed? if this is the case, as in you guys have fallen into a routine, you need to do things that switch it up and pique her sexual interest and unleash that animal instinct.

perhaps have sex in the morning before work, or during lunch, or when the kids are all watching TV so there is that added risk of being caught. perhaps take her out to dinner and surprise her by getting a hotel room (not a ****ty cheap one) and have some champagne waiting along with chocolate and fruit spread. eat the food off each others bodies and enjoy the evening of something new to break routine. Just adding variety to an otherwise monotonous sex life is going to do wonders. You could even have sex in a public area where there is rislk of being caught. Even get her aroused sometime and NOT have sex with her to change it up, and then when her arousal gets the best of her, she will jump your bones.

Variety is the spice of life.

read a book called the SEx God Method by Daniel Rose. That thing changed my life.

good luck

[jns]

Sounds like it is time for an infrared camera, haha.

[frankduke]

Ryanl35, any update on this thread?

I read through this thread and everything you wrote I feel the EXACT same way. From her being the james bond 007 masturbater and her denying it and her "saying" she was sleeping. There are so many things in this thread that i feel related to. I have caught my girl doing EXACTLY the same things and again, she denies it and it seems that she actually is awake. There are too many variables that seem that would be impossible to do if you were actually sleeping. I make a slight move she stops, I don't breathe properly(sleep breathing) she stops, it seems shes actually monitoring my breathing. The thing is I know how to mimick my actually deep sleep breathing so I then will do that and wait within a few minutes I hear her again. She constinatley wants me to "prove" it, but its almost impossible to prove it when shes berried under the blankets, and I sleep facing the opposite direction, and as you said she quickly reacts to anything.

I don't mind if she wants to masturbate, heck we all do it but, I mind that she pretends to be sleeping, and can't be honest about it.


The thing is in the middle of the sometimes she will go hours, pleasuring herself. I will confront her after having a restless sleep but she denies it 100% or says she must be sleeping.

She says to wake her up the next time she is doing it, but I feel she doesn't want me to wake her up(since I truly believe shes awake)instead she wants to try and figure out when I am actually awake so she can go even more stealth.

[john99]

Hi,
I'm new to this forum. My Q is same that Wife masterbate's night. She pretends she is not doing it but she does.. I've started noticing this activity since past few days. She does this for about 4-5 times in a week. Though we have sex but it's me who asks for it not her. It's difficult for me to understand. I've started ignoring her though i pretend not. Also I'm loosing trust in her. She does not has b/f she is conservative as such. But since the day I've noticed her doing this my sleep is gone. She will start this activity once she feels I'm into sleep so that i dont get a glimpse of her. Is this a common scenario with every1 or am I being dumped like a stupid husband?

[Allie602]

What do you mean that it might be your fault? Shouldn't a woman have an orgasm every time her partner does? It's not a fault, you are a good and loving man.

[Allie602]

Some women masturbate if they are not sexually satisfied by their partner, this may be especially true if she does it right after having sex. Sometimes the guy is finished and the woman still warming up so she finishes herself. This is a common scenario, she may not want to tell you that she is not satisfied so as not to hurt your feelings. It is easier for a woman to get herself off than have unsatisfying sex with a partner. It takes about 15 - 20 mins foreplay. It takes a some time for a woman to have an orgasm and about 70% of women cannot orgasm through vaginal penetration but need clitoral stimulation for what may be 20 min or more. If she can orgasm vaginally it usually takes longer than 5 - 10 min of trusting to get her there. So you do the numbers, if sex is 15 mins from start to finish then, she is only just begun. So it may be lack of sexual satisfaction.

[pretzel]

It was the double standard that got me thinking although I'll admit I haven't read the thread in it's entirety.

I guess in a sense I was hoping that the double standard was being broached. Maybe I'm wrong.