[Ashlee T.]

My question then is, did other parents view this the same or were we just a little too forward thinking?

My parents never told me it was bad, or not to do it. But it was just not talked about. It was not "natural" as it was for my brother. But was I doing it and feeling like I was dirty for it? Yes. Similarly my Dad got him condoms when he was 16, but do you think I got given condoms when I was 16? No. Was I having sex though? Yes I was.

I would say your and your childrens mother were not the norm. Though I'm glad to hear you created that kind of level playing field for your children. Kudos to you! That's a great thing.

I've just looked at how HUGE these posts have become, all the responses ranging from medical issues possibly causing the womans behavior, to her being a selfish lover and not taking care of her husband, etc etc etc. And though it doesn't take away from the fact that its obviously causing marital issues, it certainly screams out as a double standard.

[pretzel]

BD, very insightful post. Your last paragraph brings up an interesting question, especially for the young ladies here.

I'll preface my question in that my own daughter is 20 years old. It's always been my ex wife's and my own point of view that there is nothing naturally wrong with masterbation whether it involved my son (24) or my daughter. We really only had one condition (which really isn't a condition) in that just as long as she did it in private then it realy was no big deal. We viewed it as a natural part of growing up and learning about one's body.

My question then is, did other parents view this the same or were we just a little too forward thinking?

[Ashlee T.]

I feel badly for the frustration so many man have expressed with this. But women deal with this, I think, far more frequently and get told that it's "normal" and that we just have to deal with it.

I've been thinking the exact same thing while reading this thread and the other barage of threads pertaining to this. I've heard it all my life but always about men, "men will be men." "it's natural, all men do it", "no matter how much you please your man, he's still going to do it"....and then not only this, but then I've always been told it's normal for men to look at porn while doing this. So, in lots of times we're sitting back feeling rejected and confused because our man is pleasing himself, while also feeling inadequate because he's looking at some fake boob fake hair fake lashes fake nails girl that looks NOTHING like us while doing it.

Now it seems the shoe is on the other foot, minus the porn (boy wouldn't that cause a stir!) and it's not going over very well. It's a very interesting topic.

I still hold to the fact that I believe it comes from ones own ability to please themselves and bring themselves to orgasm much quicker, easier, etc. It's something men can do from the time their much of any age....but it's an art that sometimes takes us gals years (if ever) to attain. So it's like once you win on a slot machine time after time after time......you keep going back to that same one to play and don't have to go through all the work it takes to try the rest of them. I'm in no way saying you should neglect your husband or wife because of this.......but I do believe it's a big reason behind what's going on.

And as I've said before, I've been with people that no matter how many times a week we had sex, if I had some "one on one" time of my own they'd get jealous and say "why would you rather do that when you can have me?". It wasn't a matter of them not being satisfied, they were well taken care of..... point is, it didn't matter.....they were still jealous and turned it into a personal attack on them. But do you REALLY believe they weren't rubbing one out in the shower now and then? Yeah right.

I agree, more men need to start speaking up. Our sons are taught from a young age that self pleasure is normal, no matter how often it happens, and that watching porn to achieve that is normal. Women, in general, are NOT taught this. So we need to level out the playing field here, and do away with the double standard.

[WildChild]

I feel badly for the frustration so many man have expressed with this. But women deal with this, I think, far more frequently and get told that it's "normal" and that we just have to deal with it. Certainly I've dealt with it and it does hurt. Looks like this is another area we can chalk up to both genders finding hurtful and difficult to deal with. Knowing that someone you care for deeply and desire, prefers their hand to your touch or your body is painful. Perhaps we need more men speaking up with their gender peers, making this point?

[gringo]

wow,i wish i had the words to discribe my feelings that i'm not alone.the situation your discribing is as if i wrote it myself.and,i do mean every word.with that said,i'd like to add that FEAR inadiquicy helplesness confusion and emasculation are all felt at some point along with some other emotions.the situation has me paralised,because part of me is thinking i must not be MAN enough to satisfy her.NOT A GOOD PLACE TO BE .do you know what i mean?so i'v decided to remain calm and not allow anger to enter.to seek to understand and work through and then to hopefully move on.i don't believe it is an attack against US.i do believe my partner and i are not able to see all of the angles yet.mainly because it is a sensitive and unaddressed issue.i keep thinking that a person only has so much (sex capicity).so,if that's true,would not her desire for me be lessened each time she soloed.how can i compete with............!perhaps you could call to speak with me.i am open for dialogue,and trust me on this,i have much to offer on this subject.just not much of a computer guy

[Ryanl35]

of course you will. But its good to talk about it, and hear some insights you may not think about. Its nice that you say you love her no matter what she is doing, because its right there beside you, and not hidden. You know what I mean? It could be something completely harmless. Just enjoying her body, and no harm done. But I do understand the worry.

Thank you that helps

[Ryanl35]

When you try to have sex or masturbate silently, it can heighten the pleasure, but of course you cannot give a reaction which makes it even stronger.

Okay never thought of that, thanks

[bubbles]

of course you will. But its good to talk about it, and hear some insights you may not think about. Its nice that you say you love her no matter what she is doing, because its right there beside you, and not hidden. You know what I mean? It could be something completely harmless. Just enjoying her body, and no harm done. But I do understand the worry.

[jns]

When you try to have sex or masturbate silently, it can heighten the pleasure, but of course you cannot give a reaction which makes it even stronger.

[Ryanl35]

Missing something... 3 times a week, she's experienced from trying alone, from that sex, intimacy 3 times a week, that she can gain huge pleasure.. but can't discuss it with you on how... so she does it alone.

CW

I completely understand where you are comming from, I just don't see the huge pleasure, if she has an orgasm it is very controlled, can't hear any really heavy breathing and only a slight shake at the climax so I don't see the huge benifit. I am still a little lost. I just have to bring it up again, I just don't want her to freak out again, I just can't take that, I love her and want her to be happy, I guess it just makes me feel sad that she is unwillingly to be honest with me that's all, I will get over this over time.