[Ashlee T.]

Now wait just a dern minute. Something hit me after I posted the last message. You said during a good spell, 3 times per week. If you're married with children, 3 times a week is a pretty good sex life in my opinion. So if you and your wife have sex 3 times per week, and then she wants to masturbate 1 or 2 nights per week.......that would still upset you?

Does marriage for a woman mean no more masturbation without involving the husband? I'd also question her level of satisfaction during sex if she's masturbating afterwards.

Now if you're talking about her doing this during a bad spell when she's not having sex with you but twice a mth, that's a bit different. Frankly, I don't know if I could lay there for hours on end listening to someone do that (Regardless of how often we were having sex). Looks like she could find a more private time and place.

[Ashlee T.]

Silently brewing is never good. Never. This is bothering you, continues to, you need to talk to her. Whether it's during the act, after the act, the next day, whatever. You KNOW she's doing it, you know she's aware of it, and if she denies it you can let her know that she doesn't have to lie to you about it.

Sometimes I want sex, physical contact etc. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm satisfied by sex with my bf, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I want to masturbate even when I don't want to have sex with him. Sometimes I want a quick "release" without having to have 1/2 hr of sex to get him off twice. It may be selfish, but it's true.

[Ryanl35]

No, I'm not saying anything about you. My line of thinking was that maybe she is embarrassed by it or unsure how you would react about her masturbating, hence the reason for her denying it, I was thinking maybe she thought it was taboo. That's where I was getting with the question of do you masturbate in front of each other.

Offer a helping hand in the middle of it and let us know how it goes.

Thank you kindly for your helping hand it is most appreciated as I have no where else to turn to for this situation, also I did not edit my post well. What I meant was we DO masterbate in front of each other all the time. I understand your questioning and line of thinking. Like Lana suggested I will broach the subject once she is heavy into the act and see where it goes from there. Of course I will share with you all what the outcome is. Thanks to all again for your insight.

[LanaBear]

No, I'm not saying anything about you. My line of thinking was that maybe she is embarrassed by it or unsure how you would react about her masturbating, hence the reason for her denying it, I was thinking maybe she thought it was taboo. That's where I was getting with the question of do you masturbate in front of each other.

Offer a helping hand in the middle of it and let us know how it goes.

[Ryanl35]

Does she think that you think that her masturbating is taboo? Do either of you ever masturbate in front of each other?

Yes we do not on a regular basis but yes it's fun to shake it up a little. I do not think it is taboo at all in fact it turns me on, it's the rejection to me than her stimulating herself in front of me thinking I am asleep. I understand and respect her right to self stimulation but not when I am right there and more than willing to participate.

[LanaBear]

Does she think that you think that her masturbating is taboo? Do either of you ever masturbate in front of each other?

[Ryanl35]

And if she doesn't want sex 2-3 times a week there are a lot of other things she can do just for you, there is no excuse.

Not a bad suggestion, but she is just not that type of person. That might be my fault as I always loved to get her off as much as myself. It would be a wonderful thing if she would do this every once in a while. However one thing that prevents this is she is not a oral type of person, either giving or receiving. Again this does not mean I do not love her any less. This is who she is and she has many wonderful other qualities which I truly appreciate I am just baffled by this display at night.

[Ryanl35]

I did research on the sexomnia thing. I know she is awake. If I move the slightest bit she stops (she is very discreet about it, but not too discreet as I found out about it). I actually feel her looking over at me if I move to see if I will wake up or just go back to sleep. This all blows my mind b/c she is more on the conservative side. We still have fun but I definitly want it more and in various ways. Anway our normal sessions will last 20 minutes to an hour. She can go till 3:00 am by herself. She rarely has multiple orgasms that's why this whole thing blows my mind. I just want her to come to me with whatever this is whether it is fantisizing or she is trying to be more open to new things. I am always approchable and would never dream of snickering at any of her requests. I just hope we can get to bottom of this b/c I am getting really tired staying awake so I can listen.

[stressed]

I liked Lana's advice a lot, she deserves it. Turning you down for sex and then masturbating is mean. Lying about it is hypocritical. And if she doesn't want sex 2-3 times a week there are a lot of other things she can do just for you, there is no excuse.

Interrupt her and make her realize you know she is lying and if that leads to an argument you are going to be the one who is right. It might make her say why she does it during the argument or at least make her cut down on it. Arguments aren't always bad in relationships, they are needed at times.

Good luck and I am very sorry you are going through this. I know how horrible it feels.

[WildChild]

Here's one:

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/13487-midnight-frustration.html