I fully understand that, however, when we are in the beginning of the relationship (first 2-3 years) we think "it's just the start, it will get better, we just haven't found the right method of approach yet, there is time and space for improvement, we love each other". We hope more, even more so when we're young. We don't realize that this can turn out to be a serious problem, we're in love and hope it will get better. On the 4-5th year, if there's no improvement, we start thinking "well, there hasn't been any particular progress, but I'm still in love and want to keep hoping". 10 years and 3 kids later we think "I can't leave now. Sure, sex is awful, but we have a family and I'm still in love".
However, as it's been said, there has to be work from both sides. This cannot end up well when one is 100% against the other. There have to be signs of understanding and will for change. Otherwise it becomes one-sided and leads to bitterness, frustration and regret.
That's just awful. "You know where I stand on the issue"? You tell her it bothers you and she says that instead? That's nasty. Plus, all you know about it is that she just hasn't done it before and doesn't ever want to try it, not WHY. That's not having an opinion, that's being closed-minded.
She has to tell you why. If she's too embarrassed to tell you directly then she can write you a letter about it. Tell her it's not just because you want this, but it also hurts you personally as this almost reaches the point of her being repulsed by the idea, which is not healthy in your relationship. It's as if she indirectly offends your masculinity by keeping away from that area.
Maybe it's not a serious problem to other couples, but when this is something you want as bad as to keep you up all night, it is something that has to be solved. The longer you go without it, the longer you will be thinking about it and thinking of other solutions to get it. Years later another girl might offer you that and you will find it very hard to resist. It might become an obsession. I don't see why she cannot understand this, and I'm not saying she must be forced to do it if she doesn't want to, but I do believe she owes you some kind of explanation.
This is very true. 99% of us have one issue or another with out SO. Everybody I know does, or is divorced, or single. If it's not sex it's something else. Always. But the thing is, to have to deal with an issue we can stand or work with. If it's something that tears us apart, keeps us from sleeping, makes us angry, hurts us every day, then we have to wonder if it is worth staying or not. If we do all we can to make the other understand what we're going through but they don't listen or even make a small step back, then it can't work.
You can't be happy all 365 days of the year with your partner, but she must be understanding, caring and willing to meet in the middle when it comes to issues that bother you every single day. You are the one who's supposed to satisfy your partner's needs, but your partner must also satisfy yours.
However, as it's been said, there has to be work from both sides. This cannot end up well when one is 100% against the other. There have to be signs of understanding and will for change. Otherwise it becomes one-sided and leads to bitterness, frustration and regret.
That's just awful. "You know where I stand on the issue"? You tell her it bothers you and she says that instead? That's nasty. Plus, all you know about it is that she just hasn't done it before and doesn't ever want to try it, not WHY. That's not having an opinion, that's being closed-minded.
She has to tell you why. If she's too embarrassed to tell you directly then she can write you a letter about it. Tell her it's not just because you want this, but it also hurts you personally as this almost reaches the point of her being repulsed by the idea, which is not healthy in your relationship. It's as if she indirectly offends your masculinity by keeping away from that area.
Maybe it's not a serious problem to other couples, but when this is something you want as bad as to keep you up all night, it is something that has to be solved. The longer you go without it, the longer you will be thinking about it and thinking of other solutions to get it. Years later another girl might offer you that and you will find it very hard to resist. It might become an obsession. I don't see why she cannot understand this, and I'm not saying she must be forced to do it if she doesn't want to, but I do believe she owes you some kind of explanation.
This is very true. 99% of us have one issue or another with out SO. Everybody I know does, or is divorced, or single. If it's not sex it's something else. Always. But the thing is, to have to deal with an issue we can stand or work with. If it's something that tears us apart, keeps us from sleeping, makes us angry, hurts us every day, then we have to wonder if it is worth staying or not. If we do all we can to make the other understand what we're going through but they don't listen or even make a small step back, then it can't work.
You can't be happy all 365 days of the year with your partner, but she must be understanding, caring and willing to meet in the middle when it comes to issues that bother you every single day. You are the one who's supposed to satisfy your partner's needs, but your partner must also satisfy yours.
Only (major) difference is that he realizes the problem, understands I can't be happy the way things are and has improved over the years. His job and three shifts do affect us greatly. Plus, he tends to give straights answers, so we take little parts here and there every once in a while and try to improve them. But I must say, our sex life was non-existent the first 2 years (he's 37, I'm 25). This is why I encourage you to keep trying. I thought I had no chance at all, but it gets a little better with time and communication.
Get The Newsletter
Comment