[Hopeless Dork]

I don't understand why women get so annoyed that men look at porn. Men want sex alot more than women, a man will be lucky if his wife/girlfriend actually wants to have sex with him so doesn't he have the right to "relieve" himself because he is not getting it enough from you?

You say the highlighted text like its a fact, its not. Many women are NOT getting as much sex as they want while their husbands/boyfriends indulge in porn. Why do women get upset?

How would you feel if you wanted sex with your gf and she declined, wasn't in the mood.. then locked herself in the bathroom with her dildo, satisfied herself then went to bed... or did that before you came home from work and said sorry honey... I just don't have the energy, I was bored when you were gone and used the dildo... maybe tomorrow? Lather rinse repeat tomorrow.


That is not whats happening with the above poster as she is still getting all the sex she wants from her man, but its the case with a lot of women that are upset about porn.

So before you do your standard "WOMEN HATE SEX, its the TRUTH i know IT!!" stuff, realize that... your generalizations don't hold water.

[rcoreyus]

Its very hard to understand what is going on from a post - don't know the people involved. So, what I'm saying maybe very far off base.

You mention "making a point" of having sex with him several times a week. This makes it sound as if you are not enjoying it. Is it possible that he senses this (maybe subconsciously) and he feels something is missing?

I also see you mentioning "dirty" porn. Is the problem that he is looking at other girls, or that he is looking at other girls doing things you find objectionable? Maybe there are some sex acts he wants but you don't want to do: I'm not saying you should - just trying to understand.

I generally think of porn as a problem if it interferes with with your sex life, or takes significant time away from other things. It wasn't clear to me from your post if it was directly affecting your sex life.

There are also cases where men (maybe women?) become actually addicted to porn - just can't stop themselves from watching (like an alcoholic). This probably requires therapy (don't know how well it works).

I guess one question is whether you think his is unsatisfied with his sex life at home and is using porn as a substitute, or if he is satisfied but for some reason is wathching porn on the side.

[WildChild]

I don't understand why women get so annoyed that men look at porn. Men want sex alot more than women, a man will be lucky if his wife/girlfriend actually wants to have sex with him so doesn't he have the right to "relieve" himself because he is not getting it enough from you?

To quote a dear lady I know, "Pfffttttt"
or Hahahahahahahahaha

I have yet to find a man who wants half as much as I do and can actually handle the idea of a woman who wants it. Quit brain washing yourself.

I've been sexually active many years longer than you've been on the planet. Yes, there are women who aren't into sex but there just as many men who aren't into it either. They will shut a woman down and tear down her sexuality if they can. Men just won't admit the things they do, they'll complain and moan about women when they are secretly relieved that they don't have to perform or actually learn how to pleasure a woman.

Your attitude is probably your biggest challenge.

[brownlover]

I don't understand why women get so annoyed that men look at porn. Men want sex alot more than women, a man will be lucky if his wife/girlfriend actually wants to have sex with him so doesn't he have the right to "relieve" himself because he is not getting it enough from you?

the thing is Fox... he gets plenty from me... more then the average man! He's not turning to porn as a way to release what he pent up! He's doing it for some other reason that i dont understand. If we had sex sparingly, i would completely get it, but that is just not the case here. What is he getting from watching porn that he isn't getting almost every night from me?? that's my issue!!

[brownlover]

I'm looking at it from the other angle though. You didn't describe what you did when you had more frequent sex with him. But from the other statements you made it sounds like that you might not have much variety, like oral, different positions, etc. Maybe one aspect of this is variety, and he's bored with the same old missionary position every time.

StillLearnin... i dont think that's the problem here... we act like 16 yr olds! there's tons of passion there... we chase each other around the house and when we do catch each other, wildness ensues! We are not the standard missionary type... there's variation, there's oral, there's toys...

I would agree with you on the part about sex just for sex. But if you are getting sex regularly for everyother reason, is that same need still there?

[StillLearnin]

Ok, that's cool. In fact, that's totally awesome.

Then it sounds like a sexual addiction problem that needs to be addressed.

You go girl! You'll get it figured out.

[brownlover]

You mention "making a point" of having sex with him several times a week. This makes it sound as if you are not enjoying it. Is it possible that he senses this (maybe subconsciously) and he feels something is missing?

oh no! i enjoy our sex life... i made that seem like it was a chore and not beign enjoyed. But when you have 3 kids, a full time job, and other committments, sometimes you have to push yourself to get into the mood. But once there, it's go time! It's not like i'm lying there, spreading my legs and thinking that should be enough for him!

I also see you mentioning "dirty" porn. Is the problem that he is looking at other girls, or that he is looking at other girls doing things you find objectionable? Maybe there are some sex acts he wants but you don't want to do: I'm not saying you should - just trying to understand. ?

i dont see all porn as dirty... there are some things that are out of my comfort area... and i'm not sure what kind he's really watching... maybe he is watching the "dirty" kind... maybe not.

I guess one question is whether you think his is unsatisfied with his sex life at home and is using porn as a substitute, or if he is satisfied but for some reason is wathching porn on the side.

good question... he claims he is... but to me, if you have to resort to porn each morning and afternoon, you can't be, right? is that a misconception on my part?

[brownlover]

Thanks everyone for their replies! I'm hearing that I should have a real sit down conversation with him and figure out his motivation behind watching the porn. I'm taking it in a way that he would prefer it over me and that may not be the case. But that's an answer that only he can give me. All i know is from my male friends that i have, we have an awesome relationship with a great sex life. They all wished they were getting it on a regular basis like we do. But if i can't get to a comfortable place with him on this... tough decisions will have to be made. I won't allow porn to ruin my life and make me feel terrible about myself.

THANKS!!

[stressed]

Do you masturbate? If not, then why not, and if you do, do you use a toy? (there's a reason why I ask this). You say you understand why most men masturbate, but what about yourself? What about women and masturbation?

What would annoy me in your case would be him watching porn and masturbating instead of doing something useful. It's reasonable that you get upset after a day's work only to find that your husband's hobby is to play with himself. It doesn't take someone against porn or masturbation to be annoyed by this. It would be the same as having the man back from work to find that his wife spent all her day polishing her nails (for example) instead of doing something useful, either for her own sake or the household. So, in this sense, it is disrespectful towards you, your effort to support the household, and your family. I mean, if your children would know they'd tell their friends "hey, my mom works all day long, dad doesn't work as much and stays home playing with himself instead". Not that this will ever happen, but you get the idea.

As you can see, he doesn't watch porn for physical satisfaction but because he likes it. It wouldn't surprise me if he watched many times without even masturbating. He likes it, he's always been doing it, it doesn't harm your sex life, so he cannot understand why you make a big deal out of it.

He obviously wants to try new things, the majority of them he has watched in porn films. Has he suggested anything new that you said 'no' to right away? How would you react if he told you that there are a number of things he would like to try with you, which you would be against? If you always say "no" to things he wants to try then I think it is reasonable that he turns to porn. If he can't do them then he, at least, wants to see how they are done.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to try something new, even if it is something he saw in a porn clip. Some times people watch porn to "get new ideas" and not to masturbate to the girls in them. After 3 children and having been together for so many years, it does make sense that he wants to try something new. It doesn't mean that he expects you to behave like those girls, or he's going to fantasize about being with them instead of you. It only means that he wants to try what they do with YOU.

No, you are not insane at all. It is hurtful. But do try to find what it is he is missing (because he is missing something, even if you find your sex life adequate). Tell him how you feel about it. Ask him if he would be happy if the situation happened the other way around. Ask him why he needs to watch porn so frequently when he claims he is satisfied. But you must also work on your part of the deal and try to be more open to his suggestions. Even come up with something new yourself.

Make him want to look forward to the next time you guys are going to have sex, not the newest porn clip.

[stressed]

I don't understand why women get so annoyed that men look at porn. Men want sex alot more than women, a man will be lucky if his wife/girlfriend actually wants to have sex with him so doesn't he have the right to "relieve" himself because he is not getting it enough from you?

Men do not want sex more than women, this is a myth back from the days when people thought women didn't enjoy sex at all.

- Women who sexually turn down their SO cannot demand that he doesn't watch porn.

- Men who turn down their SO cannot say "it's normal to watch porn" when they neglect their SO's needs and only think of themselves.

I know it's hard for some men to comprehend, but women do actually have sexual needs too. Some men are so self-centered and believe that the world evolves around their own penises that they don't realize what's going on around them.