[DramaQueen007]

Thanks everyone the talk did not go well at all He thinks it is all me in the wrong. There is no reason why he doesnt want to have sex with me except the fact that it isnt that big a deal to him. Sex that is. And porn is differnt just because hes a man apparantely. Dunno how I feel now. He did say hes been doing it since he was younger even but not regularly. He said its just me over dramatising things and I need to calm down. sighs

[stressed]

It doesn't surprise me, those are very common words of men who are satisfied with porn and feel more secure with it than their partner. Exactly that. Sex is not a big deal and porn is normal.

So you have to be more drastic about it. Okay. No panic.

Tell him that as normal as it is for men to watch porn, it is equally normal for women to want sex. Not a big deal, but if he cannot give you what is "normal" then you are going to have to reconsider your relationship. That you don't want a man who'd rather have sex with himself instead of you, or prefers looking at pieces of meat instead of the person he claims he's in love with and that if sex is not a big deal to him then you're going to find a man who believes it is. That you don't support him to stay home and play with himself, but because you want to be with a man, not a teenager.

If he doesn't understand what effect this has on you then he's better out the door. But until then, be more aggressive. Otherwise he will have the upper hand, have it his way, and you'll end up with no sex, no man, and a lot of pain.

[Hopeless Dork]

Sex isn't a big deal to him because he's meeting his own sexual needs. Sex would be a bigger deal to him if he wasn't masturbating and utilizing porn so often.

Sex/Masturbation to porn... makes no difference to him, he's going to get an orgasm this way or that way his needs are met. For you, when he chooses to masturbate to porn and has no drive for you -- your needs are NOT being met... so it DOES make a difference to YOU.

He's leaving you out in the cold and see's no problem with that, sure lots of guys like porn... but lots guys also like having sex with their significant other, and many actually prefer it to their own hand and a tub of cold cream.

He's either lazy or selfish or both... but he's definitely not considering your needs at all with that attitude.

[rcoreyus]

Arrgh! People who see orgasm as the only point of sex are missing 99% of the fun. Sure anyone can put on porn / masturbate / use a vibrator and orgasm faster than they would with their partners - but THATS NOT THE POINT!.

I understand and don't object to any of the above options when there is no choice - but it is just so sad that some people will choose these over a real person.

To the OP: he is right that a lot of men watch porn, but most of them do it when they don't have any other option. Anyone who chooses porn / masturbation / toys over sex with their willing partner in my opinion has a real problem.

[DramaQueen007]

Thanks for all of your responses I am going to show him this forum later today and ask his opinion as at the moment he thinks its only my mind and not a general opinion of others. He did say last night that if what I want is more sex then ok but... dunno now I feel with the manner in which he said it like its a chore. I dont want to be someones chore. If he loves me surely he should be wanting/looking to do want pleases me not huffing and puffing about it. I am so confused now.

[mamdouhsh1973]

i have my point of view in this problem that u have to ignore what u saw because this porno is just a movie my he want to see some thing new thees may happen for awhile and after that it will stop don't care i grantee for u don't talk withe him but get some thing new in Ur life

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He moved from America to the Uk, obviously had a job to come to as well, and then lost it.

When he moved, he was working and your sex life was good up until he lost it.

Think on this..

What are his fears now? Can he stay in the Uk, what work can he do, does he still believe in himself, is he being encouraged that he is smart and can get another job, is he getting help in a foreign country to find that work, is he feeling like a free loader, is he feeling like a user.

How does HE feel? Imagine yourself in that exact same position.

Masterbation is healthy I believe and I get where your coming from, but this is something he has admitted he "used to do" from a young age...You haven't stated your ages by the way.

That's what he did when he didn't have a partner...

But, that's also a very quick, no fuss, no foreplay, no performance anxiety, no long time limit, type of release, stress release.

And some guys can not masterbate without visuals... Have you ever asked him to masterbate in front of you? And, you conduct foreplay and advise him that he doesn't have to have sex with you, it's something you want to do and see?

It may be worth your while because he may be suffering from loss of family/friends/ anxiety being in a new place, no job... It's not so much depression even thought that would be part of it, as it is anxiety.

You stated he will read this. "Tell your woman exactly how you feel, there is no need to feel embarrased so hide behind, everyone does it, done it from a young age, will give you more sex if you want.."

A relationship is about "talking" how can she understand? Unless you do?

It's normal to feel all of those things and to do what your doing, it's quick, easy, no anxiety, and if you don't feel respect for yourself because now your out of a job, it's normal too to now want to show the love.

Get your thoughts together, and get out there and find that replacement job and talk to your lady, after all you moved across the water for her, don't lose her, unless there is another reason why you don't want sex....

And, there you talk as well.

CW

[pittsburgh44]

What else did he have to do at the time? Most of the time it is simply "something to do", trust me, that's it.

[Hopeless Dork]

What else did he have to do at the time? Most of the time it is simply "something to do", trust me, that's it.

I can understand that part, but if a guy is not having sex with his partner, who is willing and wanting... and knows if he masturbates his urges away ... he's never going to have a need for having sex with his partner who is willing and waiting then he is making a selfish decision when chosing to utilize his free time masturbating knowing it will affect his desire for intimacy later.

Porn is common for guys, but so is the desire to want to have sex with your chick. If you feel like sex is something you can take or leave, but have to masturbate to porn every day -- your priorties are out of order.

[pittsburgh44]

I can understand that part, but if a guy is not having sex with his partner, who is willing and wanting... and knows if he masturbates his urges away ... he's never going to have a need for having sex with his partner who is willing and waiting then he is making a selfish decision when chosing to utilize his free time masturbating knowing it will affect his desire for intimacy later.

Porn is common for guys, but so is the desire to want to have sex with your chick. If you feel like sex is something you can take or leave, but have to masturbate to porn every day -- your priorties are out of order.

That part sounds like it was brought on by his job, maybe try getting him involved in other things while out of work....I personally wouldn't read too much into this, seems like an emotional time for him and like it should pass.