[silverpen]

I have posted fairly recently about my boyfriend being unable to cum from anything - a hand job, blow job

I have been trying for over a month now. And nothing. He reaches the line and cannot cross.

We had sex for the first time the other day and I really thought that it would work from that...but it hasn't.

I feel like crying right now...I'm so depressed by it. I have never heard of a guy being unable to cum from anything...especially after trying for so long.

Its making me upset..even though he says "its awesome" and that its not my fault, its his fault that he cannot finish..I still feel sad, like it is my fault.

I don't know what to do. We talk about it and he says it works but no girl has ever made him finish. But he may just be saying that to make me feel better.

He says I do it just like he does it...(but why can he finish himself and i can't??)

It's really upsetting me just recently....

[WildChild]

Sounds like a combination of mental block and training himself through masterbation - there is something he does, maybe without even knowing it, that triggers ejaculation. He needs to keep his hands off himself entirely for several weeks. You could help him retrain himself to respond to other stimulation.

[stressed]

I agree with what the girls said above.

[Hopeless Dork]

Its not your fault. Totally agreed with wildchild, its probably a combination of anxiety and masturbation dependency.

Anxiety, not being able to relax, fear of dissapointing you... can cause it to be a vicious circle. You have to start trying hard not to show when you are hurt by this... as it truly is not your fault. This is harder on him.. his male ego, etc. So just enjoy the pleasure he gives you and try not to freak out when he doesn't orgasm.

If he is getting close... and starts to wonder his mind off to worry "oh no what if it doesn't work... what if i hurt her feelings AGAIN???"


Its hard to orgasm under those conditions, so for your part... you got put your best face on even if you feel like crying, just dont... (obviously you can't help it sometimes) but try your best to lay off the pressure during or directly after.


NOW FOR HIM... he's really should lay off the masturbation and if he's using porn... stopping that too. If you haven't been able to make him come, and no other woman has... he is likely really nervous during sex , but has also trained his body to become aroused and orgasm to very specific stimulation.

If he masturbates BEFORE you see him, add nerves to that... its just probably not going to happen.

Have a non - accusing heart to heart with him and talk about his masturbation practices and frequency, and use of porn and ask him to give it a try.. with you.. for a week... to have the only touching to his genitals done by you.

Of course he can go back to masturbating and whatnot later... but he needs to retrain his body to be able to orgasm from things besides his own hand if he wants you guys to have a healthy sexual relationship.

[rcoreyus]

I think the key is not to make him stress about it. This is not that uncommon, and usually it is caused by stress. Imagine if you knew that if you didn't have an orgasm he would be terribly disappointed - you might wind up trying too hard and worrying about it.

If he says he is enjoying what you are doing, believe him.

The problem is him, not you, but you can help by making him feel more relaxed.

[Texasred]

I think everything HD and WC say is absolutely true, and their recommendations are certainly worth a try.
Having once had a similar issue myself, I can certainly say it is not the woman's fault, except in very rare cases, like when she has her orgasm first and abruptly loses interest in further movement...

[sandman24]

As usual, hopless dork hit the nail on the head...ol' boy is not staying present W/ u in the moment. what may have started off w/ him just being nervous or stressed and not having an orgasm once has likely became full-blown performance anxiety. He probably feels like he disappointed u & that u see him as less of a man.

while the ladies are right in saying this is. His issue, there are some things a woman can do to relieve or contribute to this problem.

1) reassure him that u don't think less of him
2) let him know u enjoy the act of sex w: him & not just the finish
3) quit trying so hard to make him cum. He can feel ur desperation & it causes pressure to deliver
4) in the event that it happens again, let him know that ur not mad or upset w: him

Its kinds like when someone is hiccupping & can't stop. If u Tell them " hiccup right now" they often can't. U can't will urself to cum either.

[Guest]

Sandman is absolutely right. Realise now that him cumming is not the be all and end all of the sex act. If you're enjoying it, and he is pleased that you're enjoying sex with him, just drop the whole thought about him cumming or not. It's not important. As soon as you both feel like this and relax, he'll squirt all over you and you'll be clearing up the mess and wondering why you worried. xx

[pittsburgh44]

I promise this will work.......... He has a mental block because usually it is (unless just a random hookup) more difficult the first time for a guy because he doesn't know what the woman wants or where is should be "aimed" lol...

And another issue some guys have is their female partners expectations so they alter their facial expressions, movements and don't let themselves go... Lay with him, have yourself blindfolded and tell him to tell you what to do or just let him cum on your chest by himself, it'll open the door so then times to follow will be much easier....but make sure and blindfold yourself because it'll take a lot of stress off of him, for the first time.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Some guys live for the woman... Want to work to ensure she enjoys everything, works at her pleasure not his. Be it because he feels like a man in doing so, or it's just his nature, he can control and learn to control this but then can't ejaculate as he's trained himself in that nature.

I agree, allowing him to cum on you, stopping him from entering you and touching him, telling him to cum on you would / is a turn on and if he has anxiety, then turn around and let him do it on your back, so you can't see, let him finish himself on you.

I know women have a problem with men masterbating but is there really a problem with them doing it in front of you, on you, I think not.

CW