[Mes T]

Look redbull said that even if people were to en masse believe something as silly as the sun revolving around the earth, it would be wrong on the part of the minority to question this and put up a fuss, even if it meant moving society forward.

As far as I'm concerned this discussion has finished. Let's agree to disagree.

[redbull]

Look redbull said that even if people were to en masse believe something as silly as the sun revolving around the earth, it would be wrong on the part of the minority to question this and put up a fuss, even if it meant moving society forward.

As far as I'm concerned this discussion has finished. Let's agree to disagree.

What if I told you the sun really does revolve around the Earth, what would you say to me? It's a rhetorical question anyways. You guys didn't even need these examples to convince me that porn doesn't necessarily have to automatically and blindly be accepted in all relationships. I'm just waiting for the OP to come back, if she does. Then I'm done.

[Fallen1]

i can prove that. But no links allowed. Which i hate. Because i'm really itching to post it

The internet said it so it must be true.

You can't rely on polls as the results are compiled from a handful of individuals questioned and sometimes those questioned are handpicked to sway the results a certain way.

Until the entire population is questioned I will never believe a poll.

[Hopeless Dork]

It IS normal. I'll cede the point that porn can wreck relationships. I don't think it does most of the time, but still. Can you cede that it doesn't always?

I will 100% cede the point that it does not always. In fact with the majority of the male population utilizing porn if it was wreaking havoc in all relationships you'd hear about it a whole lot more.

For the women that have a problem with it though, be it that their not getting enough sex from their porn using significant other... or that it hurts their feelings for some other reason, its a problem.

The guy may need to be with a woman that doesn't want sex and prefers her guy to masturbate in the cases where a guy prefers pixels to flesh... and the guy may need to be with one of the several women that don't get their feelings hurt over porn in the case where she's getting plenty of sex and it hurts her feelings.

The woman may need to be with a man that cares for her needs as much as his own, and for a guy that porn isn't as big of a deal to, that would be willing to toss it aside to spare his loved ones feelings.

Its a mismatch when the parties can reach a compromise that leaves them both happy.

Porn doesn't wreck relationships. How some guys treat porn (as the primary sexual relief avenue) how some girls react to porn (feeling bad about themselves) is what wrecks relationships if the other party doesn't want to make their partner feel better.

[redbull]

The internet said it so it must be true.

You can't rely on polls as the results are compiled from a handful of individuals questioned and sometimes those questioned are handpicked to sway the results a certain way.

Until the entire population is questioned I will never believe a poll.

It wasn't some poll on Maxim's website or something. It was a University study.

[Fallen1]

It wasn't some poll on Maxim's website or something. It was a University study.

Makes no difference who performed the study/poll. A poll/study is a poll/study.

As I stated above - The results are compiled from a handful of individuals questioned and sometimes those questioned are handpicked to sway the results a certain way.

Until the entire population is questioned I will never believe a poll as the end all be all answer of how things are.

[redbull]

Makes no difference who performed the study/poll. A poll/study is a poll/study.

As I stated above - The results are compiled from a handful of individuals questioned and sometimes those questioned are handpicked to sway the results a certain way.

Until the entire population is questioned I will never believe a poll as the end all be all answer of how things are.

Yeah............... but the poll can only get as unbiased as it can get. If you read a study where (lets say you live in a city with 1 million people) sixty percent of the people in your city were getting cancer and only ten percent of the people in the control group from another city came down with cancer you would at the very least give that some thought wouldn't you? Sure you could say maybe they had an inaccurate sample size that disproportionately all got cancer from different, unrelated causes. Anyone can make themselves believe that's the case if they want to. But you and I both know that's highly unlikely.

[KMonte85]

Ok, I NEVER comment on porn threads, because this isn't really an issue I deal with in my own relationship. But I feel like this thread has gotten pretty far away from the OP's situation, and more about generalizations about normal, common, majority, morality, etc that maybe it needs to be reigned back in to doodle's original quandry...

sex is great, not every night but we are intimate enough i'd say..

So the issue is NOT that you aren't being sexually satisfied? Or is it? If you think you're having enough sex, then the issue may just be more about you being insecure that he's getting off looking at other women instead of you.

he works 60 hours a week on an ambulance and it just seems like whenever I'm in the mood, he's not..

60 hours a week is a LOT for someone to handle. In all honesty, he might just be too tired to give you the sexual experience you deserve. Lord knows, when I'm tired I don't bring my A game... He may rather just get off quick to help him relax and save the good stuff for you when he's got more energy to devote to your body. But you've mentioned now that he may NOT be fulfilling your sexual needs. I think this is something you should focus on before taking any further steps with him... figure out EXACTLY what bothers you so you can properly and clearly express it.

i know 100% he's loyal to me and has never done anything to hurt me, besides deny the fact that he watches porn. at first i was devastated and irate about it.. but then after realizing that almost every guy watches it.. for reasons who knows why i calmed down. but then i get so worked up about it again.

Again, it seems like you aren't quite sure how you feel about this yet. Sometimes its okay, because you get what you need, sometimes you're angry again. That's a tough situation to be in for you and for your man...

the thing that bugs me and I will admit I snooped on his computer is that he denies looking at it. I found porn on his computer one night that I didn't spend at his house and the next night I stayed over and "he was too tired". Well duh, he got off to it. I've tried to have a conversation with him about it numerous times but he gets so defensive (probably because he knows deep down inside he's lying) and just denies it. I've given up trying to talk to him about it because it gets nowhere besides a huge fight that really isn't worth it.

I obviously don't know him over every detail about the situation, but he may be denying it because he doesn't really know what to tell you. How do you approach the subject? Much conversations can be made productive or counter productive based on how we approach the subject.. being accusitory, angry tones, blaming, raising one's voice, etc don't allow for open communication, trust, and productive discussions. Perhaps if you bring it up when you're both relaxed, speak in a more inquisitive way, etc, he may be more inclined to open up instead of taking the easy way out of a verbal beating and lying to you about it to shut down the conversation.

I'm trying to get over the fact that he's always going to watch it but it's just so hard. And it's even worse on my part because I'm being so contradictive because I'm at fault for watching it too.

So may I ask, why do you look at porn? It may help you to understand why your boyfriend does if you think about why you do. It may help you to be less hurt that he is looking at other women in porn if you think about the porn you look at. Do you love him or his body any less because you've watched videos of other people having sex? Probably not. Not to say that you can't be uncomfortable with watching it, but you should hold yourself to the same standard then.. and perhaps use your own experiences watching pornography to start up the conversation with him.. it may help him to open up if he knows you're on equal ground instead of him maybe feeling like the pervert porn watching boyfriend hurting his girlfriend's feelings.

Again, I may be totally off base here with my long ramble... this hasn't been an issue in my own relationship, so I can only comment from an outsider's perpective. But from what I see here, you need to do some self analysis to figure out just what it is that bothers you him watching porn, and try to bring this up to your boyfriend in a way that will help him to open up, not clam up, about it...

[doodle89]

Woah.. haha that basically sums up my thoughts right now. A lot of discussion has gone on since I last logged on and I want to say thanks for all the different perspectives and thoughts regarding my initial post.

To be completely honest with all of you, Redbull has made some valid points in his posts and has really helped me come to conclusion that I really shouldn't get so upset about this. I'm doing better, and the OP also has hit me hard. I know you said you haven't experienced something along these lines in your relationship but it might just as well have to do with me being insecure.. it's just him looking at another girl and getting off is what gets me I suposse. But then again, when you asked me why I look at porn, or have before.. it has nothing to do with the people in it.. I'm not like "oh I wish I had him" or anything along those lines.

About the whole normal and correct thing.. considering it's not just MY boyfriend that looks at porn, and many couples actually look at it together, I do consider it normal, and I've told him this before.. I ultimately just believe that he doesn't believe me that I'll accept it and has to deny it. End of story. And I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but I'm just going to try and let it slide, is it really worth getting so stressed and worked up about it? In my eyes, no, not anymore. It's never hindered anything about us.. I mean he doesn't put porn first.. I just found it a few times and he's told me he hasn't looked at it in forever. So most of the time when we don't have sex, it's because it's too tired which is well understood. Reading other posts, I guess the main concern for me will be if he's too consumed by it for me ANYTIME, or if I find him doing it say in the middle of the night when I'm there.

So with this being said, thanks again for all the input and maybe I do have somethings to work on/take into consideration.

[stressed]

Porn threads are SO popular these days that we must have a different section for it under Sex & Sexual Health... PORN.

I don't think Porn threads deserve to be within the 'Sex' section. We overestimate porn when we do that.