[WildChild]

Before she had some health problems, my wife and I had sex on average of once a day. However, my body was never able to keep up with her. We would have sex so many days in a row it would get to the point where I was so drained I just couldn't anymore and had to rest for a day or two. Even when we were having sex once a day, sometimes more, and using toys as well, I'm not sure I was ever able to completely satisfy her sex drive. In the end I was the one holding us back because my body couldn't handle it.

This is usually a matter of emotional depth and quality of experience rather than frequency.

[Hopeless Dork]

I completely can't disagree with your viewpoint WC. I think women have been sold a bill of goods... right along with men themselves. They are told from the time they are little, from images on movies and tv and older relatives etc... that men like sex, men are MEN, manly men love sex and beer and sex and sports and sex and NAKED LADIES!! And yep... a lot of men do like that stuff, but are not as obsessed by it, driven by it as we're all lead to believe.

So what happens? Men tell other men how much they have and love sex, whether they are actually having it or not, etc... they have to be macho and saying... you know what?? Sometimes my girl gets hops on my lap and starts undoing my pants I tell her.. its not a good today, maybe tomorrow? No. They don't say that.

So whenever a woman comes here and says my man isn't really all that interested in sex, other men say well hmm hmm hmm... I've never heard of such a thing -- of COURSE you haven't. What guys admit that sex is just not a priority to them?

And society tells women the opposite... not to enjoy sex, to look sexual, to be sexual when your man wants you to be, but sex is for the porn stars, not the gfs... if the wife does too many porn star moves or shows any wild behaviors in the bedroom.. the some guys might assume she's a total freak, would do the mailman... and becomes distrustful of her motives.

Just look at all the young guys that admit to seeking sex on a first date and also claim they would not consider being serious with a girl that 'puts out' even the term 'puts out' is to imply sex is something just to do for the guy, not just because she's equally as sexual as him and wants it just as badly.

Are there women that dont like sex?! ABSOLUTELY... too many to count. Some its because of a mental block, being taught girls are supposed to be good and sex is for s... some because some man robbed her of developing a healthy interest in it by raping or assaulting her... some because they are having sex with men that don't know how, don't care to learn how to please her sexually... so in her mind why get all sweaty and gross for no good reason?

There are plenty of men with super high drives that want sex every day.... but there are just as many that want AN ORGASM... everyday, but not necessarily sex or intimacy. A lot of guys that women complain about having a low drive, have a drive thats working just fine... but they spend it on porn and masturbation and save the sex for when they want to spice up their masturbation -- not the other way around as it should be in a healthy relationship.

In a space in time though, that most people have sex prior to marriage and/or early on in the dating phases of a relationship... you'd think most couples could get a grasp on if their partner is interested in making them happy or not -- because thats more of the root issue than how sexual they are. A women that doesn't enjoy sex but loves pleasing her partner could still be a match for a guy with a drive higher than hers and vice versa.

But if you have a person that doesn't like sex, doesn't compromise on anything much less sex... and really could care less if you are happy or not, well then you're pretty SOL for a happy sex life.

I don't think men want more sex than women, I don't think that women want more sex than men... I think its too individual to be able to say one way or the other.

[TroubledMan]

Wow, you ladies have a really low opinion of men and what goes on in our heads. It is very hard to generalize when it comes to this topic, so it shouldn't be done at all. Every couple is unique, and their issues come with all sorts of nuances.
When we do have sex, I will admit, sometimes I don't get her off. Sex is not consistent enough for me to learn how to control. Other times, it will take me a very long time to come, and due to size, she will start to hurt. So I will stop. She also won't let me continue to stimulate her until I'm ready to go again. It's ingrained in her that once I'm done, its over...and I wish I could change that idea.

[Hopeless Dork]

Do you provide her with other forms of stimulation before sex?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

haha, your referring to mine huh.

Yes, each couple are "unique".

Sex is not consistent enough for me to learn how to control.

Why then? Could it be something we have pointed out as to the reason why?

Other times, it will take me a very long time to come, and due to size, she will start to hurt. So I will stop.

Size? Or she is starting to dry up, due to the time factor?

She also won't let me continue to stimulate her until I'm ready to go again. It's ingrained in her that once I'm done, its over...and I wish I could change that idea.

So isn't that the way she was bought up? "ingrained", as I said, you can change a thought pattern, through it feeling like love not sex.

[TroubledMan]

Do you provide her with other forms of stimulation before sex?

I love pleasing a woman orally, but in recent years she says she doesn't like that. I've asked her if I'm not doing it right, and to explain to me how she likes it, but shes adamant that she does not want me to do that. She will let me finger her to begin with, but she wants sex pretty fast after that. I think she just wants to get it over with asap
I want to kiss her for a while before we start, and during, but she prefers to just lay there..

[TroubledMan]

haha, your referring to mine huh.

Yes, each couple are "unique".






Why then? Could it be something we have pointed out as to the reason why?



Size? Or she is starting to dry up, due to the time factor?




So isn't that the way she was bought up? "ingrained", as I said, you can change a thought pattern, through it feeling like love not sex.

I was referring to all 3 posts actually...They seemed almost -- bitter.
She is 5'1, I am almost 6'3 and am quite well endowed. This is also the reason she does not like performing oral, it simply hurts her after a while.
The dryness factor does come into play sometimes, but usually it just begins to hurt her due to size difference, and infrequency of intimacy...I think.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Troubledman...

You want intimacy.. Your not feeling love. Your also "doing your thing" but even there, you may feel good, but your not feeling loved.. she justs lays there.

Why is it not possible that, she doesn't feel intimate anymore? Outside the bedroom.

I don't think you've stated how your life is with her, "outside the bedroom", the laughter, poking, telling her she's beautiful, admiring her, looking into her eyes, a kiss on the forehead, and none of that leading to sex, just is..

Why is it not possible that she views sex as sex? If you don't have the total bond, and you just have a marriage and "friendship", bond in that regard, then sex isn't important to the other person.. because they don't feel sexual towards you, because they don't feel that intimacy.. not love, but deep soul intimacy.

That's not a pie in the sky and that goes for men or women.

It takes a darn lot of work to keep it alive.

I have said comments such as:-

"Anyone ever told you, you have beautiful eyes?"

"Anyone ever told you, you have a gorgeous voice?"

" I love you being you, free & it's sexy I can visualise you doing that, and what I look like to you. It is nothing but the intimacy we share. in love"

In-other-words, I know it's important ( but I mean it), to make my boyfriend know and feel he's sexy, he can do what he likes, it's intimate and it is. That it is him, that makes me react the way I do, not sex.

I also ensure he knows he's a man, he's good looking, has things I like about him.. I hug him, hold him alot. It doesn't lead to sex, I use what's in my soul/heart, which is love.

He in return, always looks me in the eyes, stares across my face, smiles. He holds me, hugs, me not for sex.

He actually tells me he loves me. Often.

He also makes me feel beautiful, sexy alive.

So "we" not him, not me, make each other feel that. We, cook "together" to ensure the "togetherness" and have fun with it... He's a Chef.. He calls me "Chef", when we are cooking...

We, sit together, hold hands, but then he will sit away from me as well. He's a "man" but he "shows his emotions".

Granted, it's only been 5 months. But it won't change because when we met, I told him the importance about constant communication, emotions, being free, being yourself, togetherness and intimacy.. He is on the same page and we ensure we show each other affection, love, intimacy other than the bedroom.

In the bedroom, it simply flows on......

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I was referring to all 3 posts actually...They seemed almost -- bitter.
She is 5'1, I am almost 6'3 and am quite well endowed. This is also the reason she does not like performing oral, it simply hurts her after a while.
The dryness factor does come into play sometimes, but usually it just begins to hurt her due to size difference, and infrequency of intimacy...I think.

I understand that. Women are bitter, because for the most point, they have endured "sex" ,not "intimacy"..

Even my ex-husband was like that as well... Wanting what "he" wanted, doing the deed, and rolling over.

It sucks being a woman in that regard.. You need to see that..

It is hard to give Oral for long periods, I get that, but you know still, if she can not let herself go into the "deep soul/love" feeling, then it means nothing and it's just an act. You can still do it, and use your hand, change over and feel sexy and feel it, and love doing it... and stop in which case, he usually takes over. If you feel...

It could be that you are larger than her body can take, mouth and there.

It could be that therefore, she has lost interest and can't get to that intimate point of wanting to be intimate...

But, again, I ask you, what do you do outside the bedroom, intimately?

And again, I've pointed out and I believe this and I know it to be true because I'm living it. You have to feel beautiful, loved.

And, then you can and want to share that beauty and love back.

[WildChild]

Wow, you ladies have a really low opinion of men and what goes on in our heads. It is very hard to generalize when it comes to this topic, so it shouldn't be done at all.

You've done some generalising yourself

Supposedly they do exist, but I have yet to meet/talk to another man who doesn't want sex at least once a day. It is in our biology to spread our seed as much as possible...so we are literally always ready to go.

We've heard a lot of this kind of thinking and it is exactly what we are talking about regarding false societal expectations. Many of us have had repeated experiences with men who are simply not interested in sex. There has been story after story here, men who prefer TV, video games, alcohol, their own hand, porn, fantasies, food, sleeping - anything but intimancy or sex with the woman they supposedly love.

You are right that you can't make generalisations because every person is different. You can't state that all men are, "always ready to go". We know that not all men are, in fact quite a few aren't at all. But you'd never know it to hear them talk. What we want is honesty here. There are far too many sexually disfunctional women and men and no one is served by stereotypes or generalisations.