[a_dub]

OK, I was kidding with the scarface quote.

ItsASecret, your post was really good. I felt like you were talking directly to me! You're right, absolutely. I'm going to try to be better. For the record, I've never wanted a girl who looked like a pornstar...the girls who I fell for in the past, wouldn't have lasted a day on a porno set! I am more interested in the "everyday" girls. Thats what I'm looking for. I must admit, when I read your post, I felt like a little boy whose mother was scolding him for being an idiot. I hope I've learned my lesson, ma'am!

Stariana, her "terms" are automatically agreed upon. Notice thats been my problem: I have yet to find a girl I like whose terms I meet. Twice now, I fell pretty hard for a chick only to find that I didn't meet her terms. Her terms were the deciding factor! Her terms come first, since its the girl who accepts/rejects the guy's advances, and [almost] never the other way around. If girl accepts my terms, it is only because I have already agreed and met hers first and foremost.

Chandler's Wish, touche. I don't know why I've had these thoughts about life and the world. I have recognized them as being ridiculous for a few years now, but I haven't been able to disregard them. Maybe because my own parents had a crappy marriage and I built up this "fantasy" as a means of escape. Whatever it is, its allure is as strong as a black hole's gravitational field, and I'm trying and will try to break free of the shackles.

I would like to thank you all for tossing your thoughts out, and I will continue to post here in order to better understand women!!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

What she said

If you haven't made your first million by 21 you ain't going to do it by 31, given you are 29.

Women do not "respect" power unless they are an air-head, no I mean, imagine? Everything they do is based on what he wants, because he understands power. Off course at the beginning it's gifts and dinners but eventually, he will try to control...

Money is not as important as you think. Being comfortable and not having to struggle too much, is a bonus.

And, if you continue with all these TV thoughts Then you are surely going to grow old on your own and never experience true love and all that comes with it. Sounds as if you are afraid. That, if you fall for "anyone" you may end up divorced but if you have money you, think you can pick out of the crop and she will never leave because she has money, doesn't need to.

What about the loveless relationship that eventuates? You are happy to marry a handbag that doesn't love you, only loves your money? Really ? Think about that.

[ItsASecret]

I just want it on my terms or not at all.

Your terms are a woman must meet the physical appearance standards that playboy for example creates with their photoshop program. That creation is a product of airbrushing and shutting a woman up by paying her. That woman does not exist in reality. In reality that perfect flawless desired on screen model has scars, blemishes, age spots, cellulite, and maybe emotional baggage beyond repair. All the things that you frequently are turned off by that actress will have. Any girl you see as a knockout will be a regular physically "flawed" woman underneath all her thick makeup and skin tight clothes. No one is a walking image of airbrushed perfection despite thinking or fantasizing about having that. Same applies to the knockout in the bar, under all that make up and self absorption is a girl with concerns about her body and scars to match it. Does not matter how hot you think she is when she is all dolled up she will always have a natural side to her that is not the perfection you are hoping to attain. You can wish and fantasize all you want but that does not make it anymore true.

The women you wish to have one day do not want the hard working traditional man with a "decent" bank account, they want the 80 year old oil tycoon with a bank account to match the standards they are expecting. Your thoughts are based on fictition to begin with, porn actresses and the like are a edited creation for men to escape reality, and most men understand that it is a fantasy and nothing more. Only a fool would believe that because he likes the way the image looks on screen he should be entitled to have it in real life, life does not work in that way much like you said "life is not fair". No it is not fair, it is not going to hand you a silver platter with everything you ever dreamed of on it. It will give you chances and you must create your own future with them. If you shrug your shoulders to all women because they simply are not 'up to par' then that is your choice but loneliness is not something the traditional man would be looking for. To the honest hard working traditional man the woman of his dreams are honestly the ones right in front of him on the street, the ones who have the personality and aspirations that he also has, the woman who will care for him and the family, the woman who cares about him, to that man his beautiful wife is beautiful with or without a thick caking of makeup and short mini skirts she is still that desired woman when she is sick in bed with matted hair and wearing sweats. If you are not capable of loving her based on any "flaws" she has or thinking your SO is now too unattractive when they are without their make up on or tight skirts then you should not bother trying to find her.

[stariana]

I just want it on my terms or not at all. Whats the point of having all that to be unhappy?

it appears that you have already made up your mind . . . you will be unhappy. how can you expect someone in a relationship to only be in the relationship under "your" terms? what about their terms? that is what a relationship is, 50/50. unless you change your view on what constitutes a relationship, don't bother looking for one. you don't want a woman, you want a doormat.

money, power, and then the woman...in that precise order. Actually women are the first priority, but you need the other two first.

you "need" the other two first? really??? this statement struck me as very, very sad. there are plenty of woman who would love a relationship with an honest, caring, loving man, regardless of his money. . . . or his "power" (quotes are soooooo intentional!)

best of luck to you a_dub.

[a_dub]

Oh no's 45 and still single, no woman will want you why? Because they have already been married, or shot down themselves that many times, that they would question a guy on his own all that time, imagine the baggage he has? No understanding of what constitues a relationship, always been single, probably a player and will cheat

If I was a player, I'd have no problems, ha! Besides, I've heard a lot of women find older men attractive, that and hopefully I'll have a decent bank balance by then. Worst case scenario I can just pretend I've been in a relationship before. How hard can that be?

You are 29... At the ripe age that women are looking at settling down.. I don't think you want that yet huh?

Marriage, kids, Mortgages..

No, no. I do want that. I'm a very traditional kind of person. I just want it on my terms or not at all. Whats the point of having all that to be unhappy? I'd rather be on my own and hope to one day find someone than settle and have that hope dashed into a million tiny pieces.

What are your dreams, aspirations in life?

Scarface said it quite well, money, power, and then the woman...in that precise order. Actually women are the first priority, but you need the other two first.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Oh no's 45 and still single, no woman will want you why? Because they have already been married, or shot down themselves that many times, that they would question a guy on his own all that time, imagine the baggage he has? No understanding of what constitues a relationship, always been single, probably a player and will cheat

You are 29... At the ripe age that women are looking at settling down.. I don't think you want that yet huh?

Marriage, kids, Mortgages..

What are your dreams, aspirations in life?

[a_dub]

Also interesting that you mentioned "fairness". Inititally I agreed, but then realized, life was not meant to be fair. At least not to everyone. If it did, poverty and starving children wouldn't exist. There is little fair about love and life. People cheat, get cheated on, women ignore nice guys to be pushed around by a douchebag and men reject great girls to be with a gold-digger. It was certainly "unfair" from my perspective when I got shot down by women I loved, but obviously they were happy with someone else and it was only "fair" to them. Same has happened to me, I've evaded several girls who've shown interest in the past. Its like an ad infinitum game of cat and mouse.

[a_dub]

One day you could be ripped upon by the woman you truly do like. Maybe you meet her at work and you realize that she is everything, she has a cute face, perfect personality, same interests and genuinely a fun person to be around...and maybe you ask her out and she denies you because you are not ripped like a star athlete and do not have the face of Brad Pitt. That would not be fair to you, everything about you may be perfect for her but she says no because of the way you look? That is not something you want to happen.

This HAS actually happened to me a few times. Yes, it does suck. I'm sure this is contributing to the way I am, but I've been like this even before I got shot out of the sky. Little mentioned something about prophecy, and it makes sense. Every since I was a kid, if I had to make any bets on it, thats what I would have put my money on happening.

You're also right, I have a huge fear of rejection, but most guys do, they just get over it at some point. I'm still working on that. But that still hasn't stopped me from pursuing women who ended up being quite a bit outta my league (proven by the class of guys they ended up with). I get shot down, but I get back up again. I figure there's no need to change my approach unless I'm 45 and still single.

Anyways, I'm gonna ask this girl out and see what happens. I'm relishing the challenge, but in the likely event she says no, I'll be right back where I started. But as they say, no harm in trying.

[ItsASecret]

Interesting to know that you see plenty of guys "who think like me" cuz I thought I was the only one. Case in point.

Yes, I am in University those guys are everywhere and they do not have much luck and then they whine about not getting laid and wonder why. Most girls call the guys who demand that a girl be a certain appearance immature because only men with their head up in the clouds would deny the University girl who a good start on life and interest in the guy. Stating from experience around other women my age and older that when a guy is expecting to have a certain girl and only certain girls he is wasting his time. Girls do not want that guy. Girls want the guy who likes them for them, who wants to get to know them, who wants to spend time with them, they do not want the guy that only sees her as a potential pinup porn model.

One day you could be ripped upon by the woman you truly do like. Maybe you meet her at work and you realize that she is everything, she has a cute face, perfect personality, same interests and genuinely a fun person to be around...and maybe you ask her out and she denies you because you are not ripped like a star athlete and do not have the face of Brad Pitt. That would not be fair to you, everything about you may be perfect for her but she says no because of the way you look? That is not something you want to happen.

[Little]

It sounds like you are purposefully putting women on a pedestal just so you can rip them down again. It's showing of deeeeeep issues relating to women as human beings, as well as fear of rejection. You want a woman to be perfect, so when you find an imperfection it explodes your whole view of her. And if a perfect woman is accepting of you, you rip her up prematurely to fulfill your own prophecy.
Actually, an author I like has a book called Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal (So They Can Look Up Your Skirt.) I haven't read it, but your issues reminded me of the title. It's written for teenaged girls, so maybe read the first chapter in the bookstore or library before purchasing or checking it out to see if it would help you. I did read his book Actually, It Is Your Parents' Fault, which was chock-full of VERY useful advice about finding a partner whose needs match or mirror your own and helped me a great deal.
I know LOTS and LOTS and LOOOOTSSS of men who have the same issue as you're portraying here, in varying intensities. Most of them are the ones crying about being "such nice guys" and that women only like jerks ... when they're only being nice to supermodels and being jerks to less attractive women. You seem to be very aware of your issue though ... sounds to me like you're open to changing your thought and behavior patterns.