[effy2014]

If masterbation is better because of performance anxiety or selfishness (que the song Nobody Does It Better), then you need to focus on building relationship skills. A loving partner, one who wants you for who you are and not just for your lovemaking prowess, will help you through the anxiety. A loving and giving partner should also awaken your own giving spirit and you will be eager to please your partner. It's really not a chore. The only times I have found masterbation more pleasurable is when I've been with the wrong woman.

[jen1447]

I don't mean to be judgmental, and I'm personally a big fan of masturbation myself so I'm no anti-crusader, but - I've never once had a partner (male or female) who maintained that masturbation was better after having real partnered sex. Zero times. That makes me tend to think that people who feel this way are really missing out on something ...disconnect due to the wrong partner or whatever the case may be but whatever it is, I suspect it's basically an uninformed opinion. Not saying you're not entitled to that opinion anyway and that it's possible you're an exception to the rule

[Motorguy]

I would say only time I am masturbating is with my wife with me as she will do it together. But we don't finish off with that but will move into sex feels so much better the orgasm is far more intense lol.

[Trixareforkids]

I am also "one of these guys". I find with sex, I of course have a responsibility to satisfy or at the very least gratify my partner. This is admittedly being selfish, but I am talking about what I prefer and personal preferences are a selfish thing I think is fair to say...

With sex I feel a duty to perform, half the time I'm too tired for sex and not in the mood but I still feel I have to in order to make her feel wanted (which has led to arguments), which makes it hard to get "in the mood" . And if its not happening then I feel pressured to perform and then I end up just having sex to keep partner happy.

As other men have said generally speaking (I know some will dispute this) but generally men do all or at least most of the work. Masturbation, you can just switch of and relax, be selfish, take your time to build up to the most awesome orgasm, far better orgasms than with sex. Like quiveringly moaningly good, instead of the usual 'Id better perform well enough, hope shes enjoying preoccupied orgasm that sex offers.

This is not to say I dont care if she enjoys it, of course I do. Do I mind that I do all the work, not really no infact prefer it that way I think if Im honest. Sex certainly has its place and I wouldnt like to have to go without it for the rest of my life.

I get the feeling from some women's comments on here that they almost recent the fact that some men prefer masturbation. I think that's strange and I dont really know why. Infact it has often been joked about that women dont need men and that a di****do is better, I dont think men get worked up about that. I have my theories as to why but Ill keep them to myself until Im certain Im right.

It is what it is..... would you prefer your partner lie to you and just tell you what you want to hear? As for women OR MEN for that matter who try to stop their parter masturbating and get jealous etc I think that is ridiculous.

I think its the ability to almost totally switch off whilst masturbating and go into a world of your own that makes it soo amazing.

Sounds to me like you need your partner to cowgirl up more often! A blindfold, some headphones and just enjoy.

[derrington12]

I am also "one of these guys". I find with sex, I of course have a responsibility to satisfy or at the very least gratify my partner. This is admittedly being selfish, but I am talking about what I prefer and personal preferences are a selfish thing I think is fair to say...

With sex I feel a duty to perform, half the time I'm too tired for sex and not in the mood but I still feel I have to in order to make her feel wanted (which has led to arguments), which makes it hard to get "in the mood" . And if its not happening then I feel pressured to perform and then I end up just having sex to keep partner happy.

As other men have said generally speaking (I know some will dispute this) but generally men do all or at least most of the work. Masturbation, you can just switch of and relax, be selfish, take your time to build up to the most awesome orgasm, far better orgasms than with sex. Like quiveringly moaningly good, instead of the usual 'Id better perform well enough, hope shes enjoying preoccupied orgasm that sex offers.

This is not to say I dont care if she enjoys it, of course I do. Do I mind that I do all the work, not really no infact prefer it that way I think if Im honest. Sex certainly has its place and I wouldnt like to have to go without it for the rest of my life.

I get the feeling from some women's comments on here that they almost recent the fact that some men prefer masturbation. I think that's strange and I dont really know why. Infact it has often been joked about that women dont need men and that a di**do is better, I dont think men get worked up about that. I have my theories as to why but Ill keep them to myself until Im certain Im right.

It is what it is..... would you prefer your partner lie to you and just tell you what you want to hear? As for women OR MEN for that matter who try to stop their parter masturbating and get jealous etc I think that is ridiculous.

I think its the ability to almost totally switch off whilst masturbating and go into a world of your own that makes it soo amazing.

[gp1983]

I'm one of them

I am one of these guys and I haven't found a solution yet (I'm almost 30 years old). All the relationship I've had never lasted more than few months because I think that if sex doesn't work then there is no reason for the relationship to exist. I've been with prostitutes but it all came down that they were all fantasies. I've been with transexual prostitutes, same result. I think there has to be an intense and strong connection with the person that i'm having sex with otherwise it's just an physical exercise.
I've met girls that really blown me away but I was so afraid that eventually sex wouldn't work that I let them go, even though I knew they were interested in me. I was afraid that they wouldn't understand me but because I like them so much their opinion would've killed me.

I'm sorry for my english but it's not my native language.

GP

[jns]

taviera, you have taken the first step. You and your bf are sexually incompatible. As the one who wants sex the least, he is in control of the sex in your relationship. Do not let this make you doubt your worth as a person. It will undoubtedly hard to start over, but if you want to be happy, you must.

[taveira]

i left him yesterday, help

Hello,

Thought I would share some of my own experiences with this thread.

I am defnitely a man who prefers masturbation to actual sex. I've been in a few relationships, and in each one, over time, this preference has come the foreground and ultimately undermined the connection I felt with the woman. It used to cause me a great deal of distress. At first I thought it was on account of the porn use that accompanied the masturbation. Maybe I was looking at all these naked porn girls and it was making me feel less satisfied with my partner. But when I actually got to thinking, I realized that even if I HAD the choice between having sex with those porn girls or simply masturbating to their videos, I would choose the latter. Isn't that strange? That is what made me think that it was probably the masturbation itself that was the problem. I thought that maybe I should stop masturbating altogether so that I wouldn't have it to compare against my partner and thereby feel discontent with her. Was that the solution? I can honestly say that I don't know because I never tried it. I just couldn't justify giving up something that I really liked so that something else that I also liked (though admittedly not as much) would be even better. Doesn't that make sense after all? For instance, I always put strawberry jam on my toast. Sometimes I think, "jeez, I also really like apricot jam, but I never end up having it, because I like strawberry so much more, and usually just end up putting it on my toast instead." Now add to this dilemma the compounding difficulty that I'm home in my pajamas, the strawberry jam is in the fridge, the toast is hot, and to get the apricot I would have to shower, get dressed, go to the store, buy it, come home, reheat the toast, and then eat it... and even after all of that STILL think the strawberry would have been better. What am I supposed to do? What would YOU do in my position. Ladies, supposing in this analogy that you are the apricot jam. Some guys like you a whole lot more than strawberry. So much more that they would be willing to go through all the trouble to get you. Some guys like you about the same as strawberry, and so they'll go through some trouble to get you, but not too much. And some guys just prefer strawberry. I'm one of those guys. What's wrong with that? It's so sweet and tasty. I can have it whenever I want, it's always in the fridge, it goes perfectly with peanut butter, it spreads so nicely on the toast (unlike apricot that clumps up makes the bread soggy) and you can get it with seeds or without, whichever you prefer. It's awesome! Granted, it will often leave you feeling like there's a deep, dark vacancy in your soul that can only be filled with apricot jam, and at the end of it all I may cry out from my death bed, "Apricot Jam, it was you I loved all along, **************** you strawberry!" But every time those thoughts and misgivings come creeping into my head, you know what takes them away every time? Yep, you guessed it, strawberry jam.

Hello and thank you so much for your explanation. I want to appologise some written mistakes I might writte, since this is not my mother language.
I came here for having this issue - for the last 7 years I have been struggling with the lack of sex from my boyfriend. On other relations I had, the boys where so crazy about me that sometimes I had to pretend I was on my period with some pain, or I had to stay in a friends house to get some rest. I don't wanna sound like an **************, but I was a very self confident and pretty woman, and I have a very nice body too -I really do. I am very tall, thin, but with a round but and breasts - so not very skinny but shaped. I also have nice and pretty hair, teeth, big eyes - I always had many boys interested in me! Now I am 31 and still looking young and good, many people think I am 24! But I feel like 50 - I feel sad, lonelly, ugly, unsexy, and with a huge lack of trust. Altough I see in the mirror practically the same girl I saw 15 years ago, these last 7 years are destroying me.
I feel bitter, sad, complaining, and very ugly, even if I know I am not.
I need to express this about me because my ego is so low, that if I don't insist on this point, I might aswell feel like killing myself. I have to keep saying - I am pretty, I am hot, this guy has a problem, not me.

I am also very active and interested, so I don't usually leave all the work to a guy when it comes to sex, I don't mind doing everything, even just to make him Bj, I love to do them, I used to do them to my ex all the time. On top of that I am very easy to please - a boy practically just needs to enter me for multiple orgasms. So no need for a great performance.

After 5 years of sex lack with my boyfriend I found out he has this thing for women feet and I even accepted to make him footjobs - wich was something totally new for me. I thought maybe that was the problem, maybe he was shy about revealing this, so I made him see I was alright with it and I even got imaginative about it, sometimes I surprised him with flowers around my feet in bed, rings for toes, colorfull nail polish, as I learned this would really turn him on. I would also ask him for foot massage - if a guy has a fetish, let it be feet! At least we earn massages! If I really try this might, MIGHT work, but he never NEVER NEVER searches for me If I don't do these things. And even If I do something sexy - If I decide to undress in the bedroom to go take a shower, I may walk around for several minutes naked, pretending to be looking for some brush or something - It will be the same for him, If he is reading a newspaper, we will keep doing it, and nothing changes 'down there'. Everytime I tried this trick on other guys they decided imediatly to jump in the shower with me!
This makes me so stressed and sad and ugly that yesterday I HAD to broke up with him - and it hurts like hell, because I love him so much, I do - but I am starting to feel suicidal - that's how bad I feel about myself.

Because, you see, Mister Wood, there is more into a woman then just the sex. If he prefers the strawberry, he is chosing to make me feel sad, bad, unhappy. That means he doesn't prefer it to apricot, he prefers it to conect with me.
The weird part is that he keeps asking me NOT to leave him. Last night he cried so much when I left him, and today he called me asking me back, and that he was feeling so bad that he skipped work and classes. But the thing is, Mister Wood, he was not so direct and clear about this subject as you are. He insists he prefers me to porn - wich is clearly a lie, because we have sex once a month, but his downloads and history in the computer - and only the ones he forguets to erase - are much more then once a month. Even at luch time break he had downloads.
That beeing said, I am really sad with all this situation. Not only that he rathers his hand to me, but also he lies about it, as if I was dumb. This ofended me. I also - and this, Mister Wood, is for you also to read, so you can learn a bit about women - feel so ugly, unsexy, and feeling like rather dying then having to go trough this.

If I had read before what you wrotte - some years ago, or if he had been this straight, I would have taken this decision before. I am not just the apricot choice!!! I am so much more then that! I love him, I love to play computer games with him, to travel, we make jokes toghether, we writte stories, we cook, I thought we were so close! But I can see now that nothing of that matters - because all I am to him is a matter of apricot choice. I told him we could still be friends, but I need sex, lots of it, not only for a matter of conffort, but also to feel a little better about me. But we could still be friends and do the rest of it toghether - the walks, the games, going to the movies, etc...
He is very upset and sad, but I really don't get why, since the only diference is that from now on he won't have to sacrifice himself once a month and I will find somebody willing to do it!

It disgusts me very much his attitude towards me all these years, and now that I realise that to him I was nothing more then an 'appricot' jar, makes me sick. Even more when the end of the story is that probably he will get over it very quickly with the strawberry, like you said.

I spoke to him many times about this, how it made me sad, unhappy, desperate. How it was destroying our relation. Yesterday not only I found out he had been doing it again over me (I knew it, obvioussly, but I wanted to confront him with the internet downloads), but he also trated me as if I was dumb, lying with all the evidence in front of him 'I haven't been doing it, the date of the download is incorrect'... right.

I got crazy, i destroyed all the magazines he had in the room, i spoiled cream all over the room, I destroied the condoms of the condom box
we had for 6 moths (it brings 8 condoms, it still had 5! I gave up on the pill on january this year, since I was actually taking hormones for anything related to sex), and I yelled: THERE, NOW YOU CAN HAVE FUN WITH YOUR COMPUTER, YOUR MAGAZINES, YOUR CREAM, I APROVE IT FINALLY! OH AND WE JUST OPENED FINALLY THE REST OF THE CONDOMS, HORRAY! NOW I'M OUTA HERE! YOU DISGUST ME.

I runned in to my car and he came running after me. He was there for 1 hour trying to make me go back but I didn't. And I don't want to.
I really wanna leave this SICK relationship. If for some reason I am weak and go back I will definetelly want him to go to a doctor, or I will openly cheat on him and invite other men to our house and ask him to leave in those nights. (but I am not a cheater, so this will be really hard).

Is there any possibility a doctor could fix him? I should stopp dreaming, right? I really have to move on. I am so sad. Altough he is the boy less interested in me i've ever met, i've never liked any boy so much. I can easily find another man, but I never seem to like them so much. Why did i fell so much in love with this guy if he just considers me a jar of apricot?

It's not just sex, we were supose to feel good togheter. If he doesn't fell good with me why does he want's me back? Selfish **************!!!
Excuse me for the long text, I am desperate, alone (I am to shy to tell any close friend about this), feeling ugly and unwhiling to live. I am very confused too...

I really did the best by leaving him, didn't I? I am so sad, and I can't talk with anyone about it! We have all comon friends and I don't want to embarass him and me - I would be a joke too! I don't know what to do, is so so horrible!

Please, someone help me with some advise...

[mungo]

I prefer mutual masturbation

When I was younger I preferred intercourse. Now I prefer to masturbate my partner with nipple, clitoral and Gspot stimulation. Frequently
she can have multiple orgasms this way. Then I'm happy for her to masturbate me. She prefers to have intercourse. I give her great pleasure. what's wrong with just masturbation ?

[Mr Hood]

Hello John,

I remember seeing a bbc show that studied men who watched porn and their masturbation habits. They determined that men who were both highly empathic and highly creative were most likely to watch porn and masturbate to it. I thought of that study while I was reading your post. You are probably an empathetic and creative individual. Those two qualities will not serve you well with women, but it they will serve you well in your spiritual quest for fulfillment. I can relate to your story a lot. Thanks for sharing it.