[Mr Hood]

Hello,

Thought I would share some of my own experiences with this thread.

I am defnitely a man who prefers masturbation to actual sex. I've been in a few relationships, and in each one, over time, this preference has come the foreground and ultimately undermined the connection I felt with the woman. It used to cause me a great deal of distress. At first I thought it was on account of the porn use that accompanied the masturbation. Maybe I was looking at all these naked porn girls and it was making me feel less satisfied with my partner. But when I actually got to thinking, I realized that even if I HAD the choice between having sex with those porn girls or simply masturbating to their videos, I would choose the latter. Isn't that strange? That is what made me think that it was probably the masturbation itself that was the problem. I thought that maybe I should stop masturbating altogether so that I wouldn't have it to compare against my partner and thereby feel discontent with her. Was that the solution? I can honestly say that I don't know because I never tried it. I just couldn't justify giving up something that I really liked so that something else that I also liked (though admittedly not as much) would be even better. Doesn't that make sense after all? For instance, I always put strawberry jam on my toast. Sometimes I think, "jeez, I also really like apricot jam, but I never end up having it, because I like strawberry so much more, and usually just end up putting it on my toast instead." Now add to this dilemma the compounding difficulty that I'm home in my pajamas, the strawberry jam is in the fridge, the toast is hot, and to get the apricot I would have to shower, get dressed, go to the store, buy it, come home, reheat the toast, and then eat it... and even after all of that STILL think the strawberry would have been better. What am I supposed to do? What would YOU do in my position. Ladies, supposing in this analogy that you are the apricot jam. Some guys like you a whole lot more than strawberry. So much more that they would be willing to go through all the trouble to get you. Some guys like you about the same as strawberry, and so they'll go through some trouble to get you, but not too much. And some guys just prefer strawberry. I'm one of those guys. What's wrong with that? It's so sweet and tasty. I can have it whenever I want, it's always in the fridge, it goes perfectly with peanut butter, it spreads so nicely on the toast (unlike apricot that clumps up makes the bread soggy) and you can get it with seeds or without, whichever you prefer. It's awesome! Granted, it will often leave you feeling like there's a deep, dark vacancy in your soul that can only be filled with apricot jam, and at the end of it all I may cry out from my death bed, "Apricot Jam, it was you I loved all along, **** you strawberry!" But every time those thoughts and misgivings come creeping into my head, you know what takes them away every time? Yep, you guessed it, strawberry jam.

[rcoreyus]

If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your enjoyment, its time to re-think things. Sex is a critically important part of a relationship, I don't think you can be happy without it. I have not problem with people masturbating if their partners aren't available, but it should never be a replacement for sex. If a man mistimes things and has taken care of himself recently, he should still be happy to do what he can to give you pleasure.

[robby]

Frustrating

I do masturbate as a woman.... I think if your man is not around and you have the urge .... it is ok...I always tend to watch porn because it makes me come faster, plus I never stop before I reach 3-4 times orgasm.... and I still prefer sex to masturbation when even a one time orgasm is hardly guaranteed during sex with a man. I never say no to my MAN... That is my rule. I think masturbation is only a release and not a replacement for sex. I understand my partners needs.... and I do know how frustrating it is when you meet the wall when the urge comes. Cos I do experience this with my current partner. I do wanna have sex and he keeps turning me down. And I do know he masturbates cos I caught him on it. It is quite bad for my self-esteem... and I do work hard to get around around it... You could think that I may be overweight or any way unattractive... but I do not think so... nor men around me. Especially that I work out almost for 8 hours in the gym weekly. So I am quite toned so to speak... hehe
Anyhow... i think sex is an important part of life, and it is all fine that ones like masturbation over sex... just find the right or even frigid partner for that... to be fair. I hate generalization and I do know there are many different personalities... I just wasn't lucky enough to find the right one I guess.

PS: if I ever get to have sex with my partner (2-3 times a month)... I am always on top right after giving him a blow job... so no, not all of you do all the work.... unless you mean getting hard is a huge work out for you. You should realize that not all men does what you may do.. nor think the way you do... And cheating/having a harem and all that sort can be all right if it is open and fair and square and mutual.... Otherwise... You are a scumbag... for getting off on playing dumb and cute before your partner instead of letting her go.

I think my husband falls into the category of preferring his hand over me due to a combination of instant self pleasure and putting effort into mutual pleasure. He can get off anywhere, anytime. He has access to many different forms of visual materials, therefore does not put any effort into our sexual relationship. Although he does not know how to pleasure a female, I have hid disappointment from him, I've guided him and did the work myself to maintain some activity. I find myself waiting for him too much and too long. I wait for him only because I prefer the real thing over masturbating. My patience is so long that all I have to do is think about it or have a brief "wet dream" without any stimulation, which proves we all need a release. Our sexual relationship is extremely poor if it exists at all even though he uses pills. (Most likely to keep up with himself) I know that our sexual problem does not lay with me, it is his and I can't repair the damage alone. It is very frustrating to be anxious and willing to be turned down because he "just did". Prime example: On vacation, in public hot tub, alone together, he got off on a jet in front of me. Go to the hotel room, I get his snoring and his backside for the night. So far we have had 5 days, 4 nights and no sex. He has though; in the spa tub and in the shower each day. I never had this problem with my ex-husband or any relationship, as they were all over me and I actually had to keep up with them.

The resolution at this point is to discover a way to satisfy my needs and ignore him as he has ignores me. In other words, he can do what he wants and I will do my own thing. He admitted it is what he and his ex wife did. Most likely the reason she ended up cheating on him then leaving him. She was deprived. I just have some dildo shopping to do

[Toffee]

You do realize women masturbate, too, right? MOST of the girls I know say they do it every day. Even if they have sex every day. Changing times, I guess. Anyway, masturbation is healthy, and who can turn you on better than you? Seriously. No, men are not monogamous by nature, but neither are women. You might think you are, but that's not the way either sex is programmed. If we were, we'd surely have died as a species a long time ago. Only modern society forced these changes on people.

To be quite honest about the cheating part, why is it a big deal that we fantasize when we masturbate? So do women. Would you rather have us rub one out thinking about the barista at Starbucks, or have us find a way to have sex with her? I would never get mad if a woman said she thought about Brad Pitt while she played with herself. Good for her. Doesn't bother me at all.

We do actually do all the work in bed, and I think a lot of women forget that. It's frustrating to hear comments about how vibrators never give up. They run on batteries. We have to fill vascular tissue with blood, we have to do hundreds of lunges, and we have to do it to the specifications that the woman has. If a man can't stay hard women say he has an issue. If a woman can't stay wet they say the man didn't keep her interested. Either way women blame men for everything in the bedroom.

If a woman cums first it's perfectly acceptable. If a man cums first it's called premature. You girls put a lot of pressure on us. Like with oral sex. You have no problem telling us how to do it, what speed, or if it isn't working. If we don't like how you're doing it most of you will say something like "Well maybe I shouldn't do it then." No matter what we have to accept all the responsibility in bed.

With our fantasies, some things some women don't like. I like anal sex with girls. Due to my size most girls won't do it with me. Am I really supposed to not think about doing it when I masturbate? Why? I like cumming on a girl's face. Some girls don't like that, and again, it's something I think about alone. I have all sorts of fantasies. Public sex, group sex, etc. It'd be nice to find a girl who's on exactly the same page as me: anything goes any time, but it isn't very realistic. So whilst masturbating it's perfectly feasible to do those things in my imagination. Guys are also very visual when it comes to sex. Women are very much into physical intimacy. So we need the visual aids.

And then there's the fact that we do all that work for a 30 second ejaculation while women have a true orgasm and feel that pleasure for hours sometimes. I think it's fair we get our carrot, too.

I do masturbate as a woman.... I think if your man is not around and you have the urge .... it is ok...I always tend to watch porn because it makes me come faster, plus I never stop before I reach 3-4 times orgasm.... and I still prefer sex to masturbation when even a one time orgasm is hardly guaranteed during sex with a man. I never say no to my MAN... That is my rule. I think masturbation is only a release and not a replacement for sex. I understand my partners needs.... and I do know how frustrating it is when you meet the wall when the urge comes. Cos I do experience this with my current partner. I do wanna have sex and he keeps turning me down. And I do know he masturbates cos I caught him on it. It is quite bad for my self-esteem... and I do work hard to get around around it... You could think that I may be overweight or any way unattractive... but I do not think so... nor men around me. Especially that I work out almost for 8 hours in the gym weekly. So I am quite toned so to speak... hehe
Anyhow... i think sex is an important part of life, and it is all fine that ones like masturbation over sex... just find the right or even frigid partner for that... to be fair. I hate generalization and I do know there are many different personalities... I just wasn't lucky enough to find the right one I guess.

PS: if I ever get to have sex with my partner (2-3 times a month)... I am always on top right after giving him a blow job... so no, not all of you do all the work.... unless you mean getting hard is a huge work out for you. You should realize that not all men does what you may do.. nor think the way you do... And cheating/having a harem and all that sort can be all right if it is open and fair and square and mutual.... Otherwise... You are a scumbag... for getting off on playing dumb and cute before your partner instead of letting her go.

[jns]

I am not what you describe. And neither is Hopeless Dork. But when people run out of arguments when someone has challenged them, they resort to ad hominem attacks. Such attacks are simply a way to get the others to shut up. A limitation on freedom of speech if you will.

[Jayson]

Well that is the American right wing evangelical view and you are entitled to it. It is used as a justification to deny marriage rights to non heterosexuals and for the "pray the gay away" "therapy" and has caused untold damage to many. Things are changing rapidly in American though, and these kinds of beliefs, like those against "race mixing" and the Jim Crow laws will soon be relegated to the garbage heap of history.

[Hopeless Dork]

I don't think asexuality is hard-wired. I think if you read through the forums here you will see, especially with women, they can go through phases of being "asexual" as in having zero drive or interest in any sort of physical intimacy with a partner or even with themself.

A lot of times its a way of "giving up", or settling into a relationship where their needs are ignored or their partner not being the one they want to fill them... and they just will those feelings away. A common thread I see among women is the less sex they are having, the less they want over time... eventually they just sort of stop having those urges.

You are very right in that it is hard to find someone to be compatible with in every arena of life, so for most people its matter of finding someone that meets the most of their needs, be those companionship, sexual compatibility, or emotional or financial stability. The lucky among us can get the bulk of our needs met with the same person, and find a way to work around the things that arent as we would have dreamed them to be.

For example a woman might find a man she's incredibly sexually compatible with and physically attracted to, they may get along great, laugh and talk like best friends... but he's broke For a woman that money isn't all that important... thats a total win, for a woman that money is moderatly important that is a compromise and for a woman that money was all that matters... that would be a horrible choice. She would be unhappy, and she would make him miserable feeling like he couldnt make her happy no matter what efforts he took in other ways.

Same for a man that sexual intimacy is not relevent to, if he were to settle down with a woman that was not sexually inclined.. they would be well sutied and could find happiness outside of the bedroom. If he were to become involved with a woman to which sexual intimacy is crucial to her happiness... she would be miserable and make him miserable.

Again it all goes to compatability. But even with incompatible couples, sometimes some unique personality traits such as a suceed at all costs, even with sacrafice to your greater needs or overall happiness can make lemonade out of lemons when it comes to an ill-fit.

[Jayson]

Well that is the American right wing evangelical view and you are entitled to it. It is used as a justification for the "pray the gay away" "therapy" and has caused untold damage to many. Things are changing rapidly in American though, and these kinds of beliefs, like those against "race mixing" and the Jim Crow laws will soon be relegated to the garbage heap of history.

[jns]

I do not believe sexual identity is so hardwired at birth. I know some people try to sell that thought pattern, but I do not buy it. I do believe that sexual identity can run in phases and it is not something that a person cannot truly control. A bi person can go through phases of wanting the opposite sex, phases of wanting the same sex and phases of wanting both and quite possibly phases of wanting neither. Someone who is asexual could be almost completely that way or could be in a phase that is different than previously wanting and having a statistically more normal sex life.

[Jayson]

No she isn't Asexual. Asexuality is a sexual orientation like being gay or bi, something you are born with. Anyone who has enjoyed partner sex for years (before she met me and then a few times with me at the beginning) would not be Asexual.

But why she turned down the opportunity to be able to have a sex life and enjoy marriage too is something I have never understood. Maybe she is a bit old fashioned and traditional that way. But yes she obviously enjoys the Pro's rather than dwelling on the Cons of being married to me. She owns a very successful business and could support herself in high style without me. Like I say we really don't talk about all this stuff (after years of therapy we are all talked out) but I like to think it is because we have a lot in common outside the bedroom and do enjoy each others company. After all it is really hard to find someone you can actually stand living with for decades on end.