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  • mariecurie36
    Junior Member
    • May 2007
    • 1

    phases and stress

    I think it is tad unfair to think that all men have high sex drives (implied by some of the posts. . .or rather I inferred it). This is like the cliche that all women don't enjoy sex and are just 'doing men a favor' by having sex with them.

    With that said. . .I had a similar problem with my boyfriend. Stress and some low self esteem issues (which were not obvious in any other parts of his demeanor or behavior) had a huge dampening on his sex drive.

    Advice:

    1) Yes, he probably should talk to his doctor to make sure he is physically ok. Don't pressure him to do this. If he is going for some other reason, perhaps suggest that he get an overall physical to make sure he is perfectly healthy.

    2) Sounds like he fulfills you emotionally and in other aspects of your life. Ask him if including more sensual, rather than sexual, experiences could be integrated into your lives. What do I mean about that? Massages, regular touching during regular/boring daily activities, exploring each other with touch (with an agreement no sex is intended). It may not be sex, but feeling connected physically will help you feel the intimacy, and he will feel less pressure to perform (particularly if he is having issues with becoming aroused and is too embarrased to discuss as of yet).

    3) Patience. Don't nag, but telling him things like you find him attractive, leaving him sexy notes, etc can slowly perk his interest back up again. . .but don't do that every day. Try to think how you would feel if your sex drive was low and how you would want him to approach you.

    Good luck!!

    Comment

    • BECCA
      Junior Member
      • May 2007
      • 2

      i Have The Same Problem I Needed ' It' All Day But Now After Two Kids 15 Years LATER I Don't Think About 'it' As Much Im Only 31 Years Old I Can't Explain Why I Fill This Way I Think Sometimes Its Stress I Just Don't Know
      Last edited by BECCA; 05-18-2007, 11:31 PM.

      Comment

      • tracym
        Junior Member
        • May 2007
        • 4

        Newly Weds

        I would definately have to agree that this type of behavior especially from a 33 year old is not the norm. I am wondering how long you have been married and if you have maybe gained some weight since? I ask this question because men tend to be visual. (in most cases) I definately wouldn't leave this issue alone.
        Sometimes I crawl into bed really tired and my husband makes advances for sex and I of course never turn him down (even if I am tired, etc.) once I am having sex I am no longer tired and am enjoying every minute of it. Let's face it, we in a society where we are all busy and if I said no eveytime I was tired we would never have sex...there has to be another reason, trust me!

        Comment

        • effy2014
          Veteran Member
          • Apr 2014
          • 1777

          Hi Autummleaf. The urgency of the situation may have passed during the 7 years between your post and mine, but I wanted to respond in case you happen to pop in again. I think I agree with mariecurie's advice (I don't think it's the famous Marie Curie since she died in in 1934, but this one seems pretty smart as well), especially the second in her list. I hope this helps.
          "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

          Comment

          • Stillness
            WH Poster of the Month April 2017
            • Feb 2012
            • 3679

            Originally posted by effy2014
            The urgency of the situation may have passed during the 7 years between your post and mine
            I can't believe what I'm seeing.
            "Those sowing seed with tears
            Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

            Comment

            • Something_Awesome
              Veteran Member
              • Apr 2014
              • 1219

              Lol I am sort of with Stillness on this one.
              "Are you serious? You're bleeping THAT girl?" - jen1447

              Comment

              • effy2014
                Veteran Member
                • Apr 2014
                • 1777

                Originally posted by Something_Awesome
                Lol I am sort of with Stillness on this one.
                Just keeping up with the latest trends on WH
                "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

                Comment

                • Stillness
                  WH Poster of the Month April 2017
                  • Feb 2012
                  • 3679

                  You're supposed to conquer evil with goodness, not let it corrupt you.
                  "Those sowing seed with tears
                  Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                  Comment

                  • muffin70
                    Veteran Member
                    • Aug 2013
                    • 384

                    well getting back to the OP - I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband..... find out why he is not interested in sex anymore...
                    maybe surprise him and one night and wear nothing but a silk scarf around your neck and a smile on his face - see if he bites!
                    I know If I was on the computer or watching TV and my wife came up to me naked wearing a sexy scarf and her cute smile - I'd have her in the bedroom there and then....

                    Comment

                    • effy2014
                      Veteran Member
                      • Apr 2014
                      • 1777

                      See Still . . .
                      "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

                      Comment

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