[heatherswar]

He is 29 going on 30 and can be a little spoiled but at the same time he doesn't know any different because I don't voice my thoughts or opinions. I have always had a self confidence issue and am shy when it comes to discussing new elements...I mean when it comes to the what our "norm" is I am the first to let him know I am ready but new or different things is another story. One would think that my insecurities would improve after almost a year and a half of being together and with 5 weeks away from being married, I would be comfortable discussing alternatives but I need to work on that. I am also going to work on him too...taking his time, "ladies first" and just exploring each other instead of jumping right into the main game. The advice I have been given today is AWESOME and I thank everyone for their feedback and look forward to more if you guys got any... ie communication advice, ideas on what we can do in the bedroom, the look into a male perspective on the subject. So keep it coming if you got something and like to share!!!

[rtv99]

One last thing, Since you are only 5 weeks out i wouldn't put any more pressure on either yourself or him. The next few weeks are going to be busy and stressful as it is. Having a gun and playful conversation about thinking he's a good lover and how you love the way he has gone down on you in the past is enough to at least get him thinking. Other than that i wouldn't try to make any drastic measures. Everything will be great and will enfold and blossom like a flower in time. No worries.

[LA-husband]

I would think twice about watching porn with him. I'm a guy who, when single, does enjoy masturbating to porn. In a relationship, I have tried to get girlfriends to watch with me, thinking that the combination of porn with a partner would be even better, but it was distracting. The porn distracted me from the girl and vice versa and it was overall a disappointing experience very time. Maybe I should not have tried to have sex WHILE watching the porn.... Hmmm. Anyway, you've also got the issue that guys get excited faster than women, and if he watches porn with you, he'll probably be even further ahead of you when you two get down to business.

For spicing up the sex life, I highly recommend games. People can be shy about suggesting new things to a lover, but there are games that basically suggest things FOR you. I think there are games involving dice or cards where, depending what you roll or what you draw, you or your partner are supposed to do a certain act. I once played a game with a girlfriend where we had a regular deck of cards and we assigned acts to some cards and body parts to others and then depending how the cards were dealt, you had to do something to some part of their body...Well, I cannot remember the exact details, but it worked out very well for us.

As for getting the guy to go down on you, I have three recommendations. First, be very clean down there. There is nothing NOT to like about clean female genitalia. But maybe your guy had an experience with a girl who was not that clean, and that has made him gunshy. He may even think all women are like that. I also dated a girl once whose periods were very irregular and I could not keep track of them and, frankly, going down on a girl who might be bleeding was a big no-no for me. She also had a crazy work schedule and I was never sure exactly when she'd last showered. It never seemed appropriate to ask when we started fooling around, "Are you on your period?" or "Are you clean down there?" so I just kind of ignored that until eventually I brought up that I'd enjoy doing that to her if I knew she was not on her period and she'd showered lately, and we kind of reached an agreement that she'd ask me for that when she wanted it and, if she asked, that would also assure me that she was clean and not on her period. Maybe not the best solution since it forces her to ask for it, but the point is these may be issues you and he need to resolve. You'd be amazed how oblivious a man can be to what his girlfriend / fiance / wife is doing, including when she is or is not on her period. So the first recommendation is to ensure that cleanliness / period-paranoia are not issues for him or, if they are, that he is reassured.

Along the same lines, a lot of guys kind of view the wetness of the vagina as involving urine, not realizing that the female urethra is as small as the male's and empties out at an external location so that a guy going down on a juicy woman is NOT thereby lickin up a lot of urine. Crazy, I know, but I'm college educated and I was confused by this till I was in my mid-20's. Once you really understand the anatomy as a guy, you have some better sense of confidence in terms of what you are putting in your mouth.

Okay, next, you can always MAKE him go down on you. What I mean is, role playing. If he watches porn, he no doubt has a pretty developed sexual fantay life which often involves role playing and power exchange. You pick a role that gives you the power, he agrees to it, you start acting in your roles, and you demand oral gratification. Maybe while he's on his knees. Maybe you tie him down and kneel on his face (I actually find this is the best way I like to give oral sex, since it is easiest on the neck). The point is, being in the slave-role for him may be a big turn on that opens him up to things he might not do when he is pretty much responsible for initiating everything. One important thing -- when you role play, make sure you are taking a role that you can pull off. I had a very shy girlfriend who once decided she needed to spice up our romance by surprising me on my birthday wearing a black leather outfit. But she was so insecure about it, it completely ruined the effect and we had a very lackluster experience.

I would also recommend shaving or waxing, if you do not already. I prefer giving oral sex to a woman who has less hair down there (though I think taking it all off is too much).

I'm also not a big fan of food with sex. A great meal can be foreplay -- oysters, chocolate, etc. -- but bringing it into bed with you generally just makes a mess. I think it also implies the human body does not naturally taste great. I don't need chocolate syrup on my wife's skin to want to lick it. If flavor is an issue, they have flavored oils that are more specifically designed to be licked of the skin and I'd probably go that way.

[rcoreyus]

You should think about what you find exciting, what you fantasize about and see if something similar can be done in reality. Do you know anything about his fantasies?

[heatherswar]

I don't have the slightest clue about What he fantasizes about. I mean I am 5'2" 145lbs with large but muscular athletic legs and very curvy in general ...nothing like the girls in the pornos he watches. What is the norm for guys as far as fantasy and attractive qualities?

[want to understand]

The reason for no oral is that it just never happens...Not my choice as I do LOVE it but he just never goes there and I don't have what it takes to get him down there. Don't want to push the matter there if he doesn't like it or if he doesn't like doing it on me. But I'd rather leave as is then find out he hates giving me oral. Sad, sad but I don't know what to say to him or what to ask as to why the oral never happens. Embarrassment all the way, Lol.

Does he ever touch you there with his fingers? If not as youtwo are kissing and touching eachothers back, legs chest etc tec place your hand on his and giude his hand there. then gently rub his fingers over the area. After a few seconds you should be able to remove your hand and hopefully he will get the message. Then after a time or two with his fingers suggest he try and use his tongue. Or the next time he want oral in bed lay in such a manner to suggest position 69.

Be enthusiasic have fun and ask him about all of this. If you are about to get merried then if there is anyone to ever be embarrassed with it should be him.

[Texasred]

I don't have the slightest clue about What he fantasizes about. I mean I am 5'2" 145lbs with large but muscular athletic legs and very curvy in general ...nothing like the girls in the pornos he watches. What is the norm for guys as far as fantasy and attractive qualities?

Heather., I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that what he fantasizes about is you!
You're the one he asked to marry!
As far as your wedding night goes, I'm with WC: the only sex toys you need are the ones you already have!
But don't be so shy here: ASK him what he'd like, and tell him what you'd like. How else will he know?

And if you wake up in the middle of the night, try waking him by ah... shall we say, stimulating him?
See how he reacts...

[heatherswar]

So the best way to bring new elements to the bedroom is Just ask and the guys don't think the girl us oddfor doing this? Well I'll give it a try.

[Faerunner]

The reason for no oral is that it just never happens...Not my choice as I do LOVE it but he just never goes there and I don't have what it takes to get him down there. Don't want to push the matter there if he doesn't like it or if he doesn't like doing it on me. But I'd rather leave as is then find out he hates giving me oral. Sad, sad but I don't know what to say to him or what to ask as to why the oral never happens. Embarrassment all the way, Lol.

Next time you two are involved in any kind of heavy makeout session, grab his head and guide him down. Does he use his mouth on any other part of you? You could start with your breasts... see if he'll use his tongue there first. If you move him to where you want him he'll get the hint. Of course, be sure you're clean and free of stray hairs - nothing ruins oral like pubic dental floss!

My husband likes it when I initiate and ask him for something new. We've been together 6 years and putting a little extra sway in my hips when I walk up the stairs is enough to get him hard some days. He's usually the one initiating because his sex drive is higher than mine but when I want something I let him know and he falls in line, because he knows I'll reciprocate. In the beginning I told him I'd try almost anything once, and now it's just a matter of getting him interested in trying what I want to try!

Every so often we will watch porn together but as LA-husband notes it doesn't take guys long to get going so if he's interested in anything more than watching and fooling around, he knows to shut it off before he turns his attention to me, or he ends up apologizing for the short playtime!

Being sexy and getting what you want in the bedroom is all about confidence. You know what you want, now you just need to show him. It might take a while but a whisper or a touch is enough to start things off. Good luck and enjoy your honeymoon!

[sungem77]

the most important thing in a relationship is good communication. i think you should be direct in asking for what you want, before you tie the knot. i'm not sure why he's not going down on you but i would find out before the wedding night. most men love it. if its something you love, you need to let him know. you and he are going to be your sexual partners for the rest of your lives hopefully. this is one area i would be shy about.