[CHANDLERS WISH]

if he doesn't give it to her Heatherswar should go and get a man who will
make love to her anytime she wants it you are only young once.

That's an easy solution but is it the right solution keiran? If everyone walked away from every relationship because something was missing without trying to resolve it, understand it, try to correct it, then there is nothing to learn, and nothing to work for... We work for everything in life, so why not a relationship? It's easy to walk.

I've also edited your last paragraph, in-appropriate...

However, have you ever heard of "love?"... Intimacy... bonding... banging is such a "wrong" word in my opinion... it's not at all what we are after, rather feeling sexy because he makes us feel sexy and "having sex" because he wants to, as "we" are appealing to him..

If he's lost it... then I agree with Daytripper.. and you have to establish why...

You know, it's funny really... We can feel like a piece of meat... sometimes... But, also I wonder, can't a man feel like a machine?

Communication is everything and I think men are just like women, in as much as they also want to feel loved, that bond....

Unless they are selfish... and that goes for women as well.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

he finds confidence very sexy And attractive.

Heather... WC will agree with this... Let go of your inhibitions... It's hard, okay.. But, if your marrying this man, and he's marrying you, it's because he loves you....

He wouldn't marry you otherwise..

But you state that he likes a confident woman... And, you state you don't like going down on him, but you would love him to you.

By letting go of your in-hibitions, (with boundaries) as your trying to do, toys, sexy outfit, wedding night... means your prepared to get out of that "shell that your in"..

Too many women think, if I let go, they will think I am tarty... But ask any man, if he had a woman who was "exclusive/classy/a woman", in front of all his family and friends, but wasn't afraid to be naughty, sexy, in bed, if he would be happy, I think they would also say heck yeah.

Don't ever think that letting go and giving, experimenting, experiencing with the person you expect to spend the rest of your life with is tarty. It's not.. It's I am your ..... but apart from that, I am a lady...

I think that you do need to ask him " what do you like? " ... Look I am conservative but I'm marrying you and I am also curious, so therefore, I want to be adventurious... I love you... but also, let me tell you, I also have desires, fantasies, ready to fulfill those as well?".. Watch his face... you've added confidence and excitement just with words.

[heatherswar]

Good news...I finally brought up the subject about oral or lack there of. I asked him if there was anything that we do that he doesn't like or anything that we don't do that he does like and he said no that he loves everything that we do. Then...he ask me the same and I came right out and said that I LOVE oral but that he never does that to me. He told me that he just didn't know how much I enjoyed it. Now for the sex part...I am sooooo happy now because he said he would love to have sex with me whenever I wanted, the only problem is that by the time I get home from work he has already kinda simmered down for the evening and getting all worked up at so late make it hard to go to sleep and then have to wake up at 5:30a to be out the door at 6a. Needless to say, I'm cuttin' my hours back! Lol. So, with any luck we'll be back on the saddle in no time. Then I can try to slowly incorporate new stuff that I want to try...

[LanaBear]

HW - It's all about communication... Without being able to talk openly about things such as this, he won't know how you are feeling and you won't know how he is feeling. Having open lines of communication is the best gift the two of you could give each other and will hopefully make your relationship and future marriage that much stronger.

IMO, there should be no inhibitions in a loving and trusting relationship. If you are looking for more from him, tell him, don't be embarrassed and shy about it. It's what you want, give him the fuel to be able to set you on fire.

[Hopeless Dork]

Heather do you know how often he masturbates? If its part of a daily ritual for him like when he gets up in the morning etc? You mention he has a lower drive than you do, but I'm wondering if that isn't because he's using up his drive on himself.

A lot of guys don't connect the dots that their masturbating could be impacting their desire to have sex with their partner. You would think it would be a no-brainer... but it just isn't for many men. Some guys masturbate 7 days a week and twice on tuesdays and then when it comes to their significant other... their like 'sorry I'm just not as horny as you'... well duh, how could you be?

But some have it so much apart of their daily routine like brushing their teeth, they think their drive for sex is different than their drive to masturbate and don't understand one impacts the other.

If he is handeling his business... too often to be interested in you in a healthy quantity... ask him if he could wait for you, so that he has time to build up a desire to have sexual release and spend that energy on you. You wouldn't believe the day and night difference in the sex drive of a guy that goes from masturbating often to rarely.

[kieran]

Good news...I finally brought up the subject about oral or lack there of. I asked him if there was anything that we do that he doesn't like or anything that we don't do that he does like and he said no that he loves everything that we do. Then...he ask me the same and I came right out and said that I LOVE oral but that he never does that to me. He told me that he just didn't know how much I enjoyed it. Now for the sex part...I am sooooo happy now because he said he would love to have sex with me whenever I wanted, the only problem is that by the time I get home from work he has already kinda simmered down for the evening and getting all worked up at so late make it hard to go to sleep and then have to wake up at 5:30a to be out the door at 6a. Needless to say, I'm cuttin' my hours back! Lol. So, with any luck we'll be back on the saddle in no time. Then I can try to slowly incorporate new stuff that I want to try...

Thats good news best of luck

[heatherswar]

HD- I am not sure how often he masterbates...I see him for about 15 mins or so in the morning and then about 30 mins at night during the week and I know he take his shower in the evening so maybe then but not sure. I will be sure to let him know the next time I see him (feels like we don't even see each other or live together even, lol) to hold out for me. I do know he needs porn to do that...at least that is what he tells me anyhow.I am a master at the computer though and I know exactly when he has looked at it even when he has erased the history. Just FYI-I had to take a computer class in school about 3 months ago and that was one of the things we were taught, so it not entirely weird or odd that I did retained that knowledge, quite well in fact

[idgy]

i use to be just like you untill one night me and my boyfriend were laying in bed and then i started kissing him but i controlled the speed that everything progressed i was completly in charge just by leading him into what we would do next this went on from 9 pm to 7 am give this a go our sex life has been fantastic ever since just forget all your shyness for one night abd it will be gone for good