[WannaBee]

Hi everyone,

let me first say that I quite enjoy the site and that me and my g/f have put many here presented ideas to good use.

Now here's what I want to talk about:

There's is quite a lot of information about foreplay and sex. But what about after play. It recently happened that we were cuddling, hugging and sharing kisses afterwards and we got interrupted by a ringing phone, which she actually answered. After a short phone conversation she said that she was really really sorry for this.

Seeing her act like this made me realize that after play really matters a lot to her. I always figured that the important parts ends a few minutes after I withdraw. Apparently that is not true for her.

Do you feel in the same way, and if so, what do you enjoy most (what could you recommend we do)?
What are the big nonos in this area?
I do know that I should also talk to her about this, but getting second and third opinions might not be such a bad idea.


I should also say that neither of us smokes, so the first thing we actually DO after some time is head to the bathroom.

Cheers

[p3375]

Wanna:
You're definately ahead of the game - lots of guys never figure this out at all.
In answer - yes yes yes! After cuddling, holding, tenderness very important, at least to me. After sex I sometime feel very vulnerable - want to feel closeness, security, tenderness from partner.

One thing, I guess it's never safe to assume 'all women' feel one way or another, any more than 'all men' feel this way or that. Or even that the same person wants the same thing every time. Everyone's different.

Most important that you keep being open, aware of the little signals from your partner. Communicate with words and body language and other non-verbal ways.

[heatherswar]

I personally would love to do the cuddle thing right after sex/making love. The reason for this is it reassures me that I wasn't just there to get my fiance off. To me the cuddling is kind of showing that he was really in the moment with not just there to "blow a load" as terrible as that sounds. For us, what usually happens though is after our session, he turns the tv on and I go smoke because I hate the tv in the bedroom. Worse thing I ever did was suggest bringing the tv in the bedroom. If you have one in yours, take it out. Ruins the moment, Lol. Anyway, yeah I love the cuddling and holding of each other after to reassure me that he enojyed our session and that he enjoyed me!!

[Hopeless Dork]

The after time is really important to me and how we spend it is different all the time. Sometimes I am still excited after sex and lay in his arms and touch myself, or he will touch me and play with me etc... Sometimes we just hold each other and he always gives me this really tight long firm squeeze that makes me feel so loved... he kisses my face and the top of my head, I feel cherished and appreciated. We talk about how good everything felt, sometimes specifics Sometimes I lay with my head on his chest and stroke his body gently (yes even there...lol) We're playful, we tickle each other and joke around be silly. Sometimes we give each other back rubs right after, but its just a really special time.

Eventually one of us has to pee or get a drink and thats usually when we both get up and handle all of the aftersex routines, washing up, getting dressed, getting something to eat

If right after he came he held me a little then just hopped up, I'd feel pretty robbed of that little time where I feel most special.

[jns]

For me after is a time to hug, explore and talk. A time to daydream and pass in and out of naps. A time for kisses.

[Texasred]

I like the "afterplay" and cuddling too, which from what I read is unusual for men, but then I always suspected that women feel, afterward, as they have described in the other posts on this thread, and I knew it was important to them.
And I have come to appreciate this time and to enjoy it myself, enjoy the closeness, touching and kissing that follow, and to just bask in the pleasurable feelings, since they don't really vanish when an orgasm ends, but seem to slowly ebb. I think also that this part of lovemaking completes it for many people, so this is much of what they remember about the experience, and if it's good, makes them much more likely to desire it again.
Lastly, I have often found that afterplay can easily turn into foreplay!

[WannaBee]

Right,

so I haven't been too far off with all the hugging and cuddling.
It also did happen to us that after play turned into foreplay.

I just think it's a bit strange that there are so many good ideas about fore play and the main course and there is hardly any talk about desert.

Is there maybe a thing you always wanted to do afterwards?
I, for my part, can't come up with something....

Cheers

heatherswar: Maybe you should replace the batteries in the remote with empty ones. It is amazing how lazy we humans have become, he might actually stick around longer because he can't be bothered to turn on the TV manually.
Everything is allowed in love and war

[sallywi2003]

After sex i find it very important to lay next to each other and cuddle and hug each other. I feel really good when this happens. Alot of the time my BF has a orgasm rolls over and gets up to do other things. This makes me feel like I am just a sex toy for him and he is finished and done. We have had many discussions about this and things are getting better. Like I said the hugging and cuddling is nice and sometimes this time leads to round two of making love which is great.

[Hopeless Dork]

You are so right tex in thinking much of what is remembered about the experience is what happens after it. For me.. I am so uninhibited during sex, I forget myself, lose myself... say and do outrageous things and just totally get into the moment, I lose my usual shyness and really just let go. After we have had our orgasms... and that blood starts heading back to my brain lol.. I start to feel vulnerable, exposed and a little insecure about everything I just did. Having him hold me and kiss me comforts all my fears and eases my worries.

I think if he were to hop off and head for the shower leaving me with those raw emotions that take place for me aftersex, it would stick with me and carry its way into our relationship negatively. I wouldn't be looking forward to feeling that emptiness again, so therefore wouldn't be as interested in sex as I am now because of the complete experience he provides me with.

[heatherswar]

Good call wannabee!!!