[WildChild]

Allie, you can't make asumptions about people. It is all highly individual.

[Allie602]

Allie, you can't make asumptions about people. It is all highly individual.

True in a sense. However, we are all products of our environment, the people we grow up with, the traditions of family and ethnicity. etc, societal attitude that we adapt when we come of age. Each generation bears a stamp of that generation in attitudes approach to life etc.
The baby boomers are not like generation X and generation Y has totally different attitudes than the others.

I think an age gap that spans a generation is disadvantageous to the younger person, man or woman. It's a waste of a young person time in a relationship with someone who is at a more settled stage. It may work for as while as a teacher student type relationship but the student soon outgrows the teacher.

There is also a power imbalance and when the younger person reaches their middle 20s or after the infatuation wears off, they see the older person that they are with. There is nothing wrong with aging but one gradually comes to accept the changes of age in a partner as you both grow old. The younger person in these relationships is exposed to the warts of an older person with no build up. They may start to look again at men or woman their own age and the desire to be with a young virile or nubile person may become irresistible.

Besides, I always make generalizations, it seems to be my job in life ; >>

[WildChild]

Not all of us are locked into the stereotypes of the generation we were born into. In fact I think many "older" people are more sexually open than a lot of younger ones. I'm seeing a younger man and he doesn't seem to mind my "warts". I know that at 53 I'm in far better shape than many 20 or 30 somethings I see, although I could certainly get myself into better shape (doesn't say much for some younger people's diet and lifestyle habits).

Power imbalances in relationships develop for many reasons including, education, economics, life experience, gender (or perhaps attitudes about gender) and social status, to name the more common factors. These do not necessarily relate to age. In many cases I have seen, it is the more mature person who tires of the younger one's naivety or possibly their poor life choices. But again, this is all an individual thing. I know people well past 70 who are more active and involved in life than some in their 20s. I know people in their 30s and 50s who have essentially resigned themselves to lives of boring mediocrity. It isn't always age so much as the choices they make.

[ManINeedACoffee]

Not all of us are locked into the stereotypes of the generation we were born into. In fact I think many "older" people are more sexually open than a lot of younger ones.

I agree with this. I'm in my late 20s and seeing a man nearly 12 years older, and he seems a LOT more sexually open than I am. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that he has those 12 extra years of experience - I have not had much. He's also simply a well-adjusted individual with a healthy attitude about sex. He's open and full of energy anyway, but I certainly don't find him very rooted in traditional gender roles of his supposed generation. I would say he's much more "gentlemanly" and infinitely more patient than the men I meet that are my age - but I credit that more to how he was brought up than anything else ("southern" manners and all). As far as sex goes, we seem to be quite compatible. I'm a bit shy, admittedly, and have trouble initiating, but we both seem to have a healthy sex drive.

My advice is to pay more attention to life experiences rather than age. Yes, the older person will reach those middle and old age "milestones" far sooner than you, but a strong sense of empathy, compassion, understanding, and a very realistic outlook, I think, can keep the relationship strong in spite of that.
It's easy to forget our age difference, but I still try to be realistic. He never plays the "I'm older and therefore I know better than you" card, but I think we're both aware that he's had more time and more life experiences than I have. Sometimes I get a little nervous because I don't want to come off as a "kid," but he doesn't seem to mind and always treats me as an equal and with respect. I agree with WildChild - it's not always the age that can create the imbalance of power - it always seems to have more to do with experience. Neither my boyfriend nor I have ever been married before, nor have we ever had children - but I honestly think that if he had either or both of those experiences that I don't, I probably wouldn't be able to handle a relationship with him. I'd feel WAY too out of balance.

[cocoa]

True in a sense. However, we are all products of our environment, the people we grow up with, the traditions of family and ethnicity. etc, societal attitude that we adapt when we come of age. Each generation bears a stamp of that generation in attitudes approach to life etc.
The baby boomers are not like generation X and generation Y has totally different attitudes than the others.

I think an age gap that spans a generation is disadvantageous to the younger person, man or woman. It's a waste of a young person time in a relationship with someone who is at a more settled stage. It may work for as while as a teacher student type relationship but the student soon outgrows the teacher.

There is also a power imbalance and when the younger person reaches their middle 20s or after the infatuation wears off, they see the older person that they are with. There is nothing wrong with aging but one gradually comes to accept the changes of age in a partner as you both grow old. The younger person in these relationships is exposed to the warts of an older person with no build up. They may start to look again at men or woman their own age and the desire to be with a young virile or nubile person may become irresistible.

Besides, I always make generalizations, it seems to be my job in life ; >>

I agree with your point that it's not the ideal many make this kind of relationship to be. Too many here seem to focus on the sex rather than the relationship mechanics in the relationship. And many in a perpetual honeymoon stage don't notice some of the things you mention until it's a few years into the relatioship and the novelty has worn off. I don't agree however, that older/younger cannot work as it really depends on the people and their compatibility. But too many are overemphasizing sexual satisfaction. Relationship satisfaction and real mutual respect is much more important than sex. However nice or wonderful they may be, the reality is most of these older men are simply using the younger women to regain their youth, for fun - with no respect or consideration for them as matched or as equals in the relationship. Simply because both have consented to the relationship, or there's no obvious physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, doesn't mean that one is not taking advantage of the other. It can still be pretty unhealthy. Using people for sex is wrong, even if it feels good. And encouraging younger women that think of most older men as naturally more stable, nicer, mature, serious, respectful, etc. is ridiculously misleading.

In the end, it depends on the person.

[Allie602]

There is some peril for these older men too. They don't talk about it because they are humiliated. Many older men are so egger that they will do anything to have a relationship with a young girl. They get sucked into their friends slapping them on the back but they don't reveal what is really happening behind closed doors.

How do I know? I work at a University and young women are very frank these days and they are also their attitude towards sex can be cool and calculating.. They are prime targets for these older men. They talk about them in derisive terms and if one of their friends gets involved with one, she talks about it too. The dirty old man thing. .

They don't talk about the older men with emotional feelings like the girls with bf their age but they talk about all of the material things the guy has to offer. Some are very frank and talk about the sex. Older men talk up the better sex angle and the more established money angle to these young women but it does not seem that they can deliver on the sex, from what these young girls say.

Wonder if these girls even realize until they are in the relationship how different an older man is sexually from a man in his 20's. The men often have trouble lasting, depending on the age they don't like to giving oral sex, or they are not good at it, they count on getting bj or they have trouble getting it up and keeping it up, or it does not get hard enough. Sexual frustration is a big problem for them.

I don't know who is using who, but from what I see the women go into it because the men really spend a lot of money on them, It seems to be a given. The girls also talk about cutting down sex once the guy is hooked but the guy hangs on anyway still giving them money, paying car notes, rent, charge cards. . Some of them cheat with young men but the old guys stay any way.

Mostly myth that older men buy perpetrated by pop culture and other men. . They get out of a marriage of many years and think there is lots of free sex that they have been missing out on. So they plunge into seeking out younger woman. I think they get burned and learn to avoid them. A man would never talk about it, or he turns it around and brags about it. I think there is a thread on the forum about a woman's boyfriend who was used by a young girl and dumped. I think it's a blow to an already fragile ego if the man thinks his youth is fading, being with some of these young woman may make them feel worse because it confirms their fears.

[Agony_Aunt]

I am in an age gap relationship, and I'm not with my partner for money or material things. I'm with him because I love him and he loves me, he has the highest respect for me in every aspect. As for sexual matters, there is no problem in our sex life. It depends on how old the man really is and mostly, his lifestyle. Not all older men can't keep it up.
I find that older men are more considerate for the woman in the bedroom, they are already past the stage of it just being sex.

As for those woman, who target older men and use them to pay their credit card bills, rent and what ever. Shameful..

[whit4488]

i also posted in your dating thread as well, but like i said im 22 and my boyfriend is 40...and he knows how to do things better than any guy near my age could...his body is just as young looking as mine, i absolutely love being with an older man, i mean you get the occassional stares,"is that her dad or are they really a couple?!" but i dont care, he rocks my world ;-) he doesnt have a problem keeping up with me, its important no matter who you date or what age difference between the two of you, that you have the same views...we have sex sometimes 4 times a day...he has no trouble what-so-ever...sometimes i wonder if i can keep up with him

[zeko]

My ex boyfriend was 20 years older then me. That was my best sex ever. Older men knows how to please a women.

[Texasred]

...I have to admit I have issues with this - I had a bad experience with an older man when I was 15, so in my eyes I see no reason for a middle aged man to seek out a young girl. The naivety is easy for them to exploit, the money is freely spent almost too much, it's a seduction in a with the balance of power in his favor. I can't help feeling a little queasy when middle aged men approach me, you can almost see the wheels turning "I wonder if she is into older men or maybe I can connivence her of the advantages"

They don't seem to seek a relationship in an open and honest way when they begin to sniff around young women. They seem to be looking for an opening and like a salesman they get your attention and then make their pitch, money, experience travel bla bla bla. . Older men have an agenda they are trying to recapture their youth, so the relationship is about them not the young woman. It not the person the woman is but the ego boost he gets out of showing off a youthful woman.

Better to stick with men within your own age bracket, they have agendas that you can figure out and they can see you as a person and care about you as an individual. A young man's mind is not shrouded in impending doom and he does not seek a woman out as a talisman. .

It does sound a little bit. Ally, as if you have a problem with men in general. Perhaps you shouldn't project your own bad experience on everyone else.