[Allie602]

It does sound a little bit. Ally, as if you have a problem with men in general. Perhaps you shouldn't project your own bad experience on everyone else.

No, just over egger middle aged men hanging around trying to pick young women.
Yes, I have had one very bad experience when I was 15 yo. I have also been boldly approached by older men many times and because of my experience they disgust me. Men my own age are more hesitant and not so sure of themselves, but these guys, signal zero interest so I resent their presumptuousness and wonder why they approach me, maybe I look stupid or gullible.

I would never consider a relationship with 50 yr old men and I don't understand why they think I would. I really don't understand what a 22 yo woman would find attractive in a man twice her age!! No matter how good he looks, a man at 40 can't beat a 25 yo man. When she's 30 and still young he will be 50, she'll be in her prime and he will be in the decline. By the time she is 45 and still going strong he ready to retire. But what ever floats your boat.

I am not projecting just warning young women away. Sometimes when you are young you don't consider consequences of the disadvantages and not to allow themselves to be seduced by the "advantages" that older men advance to them.

I am recovering from that bad experience, it's taken me a long time but I have made great progress. This happens to be one of my hot button issue.

[ManINeedACoffee]

I think overgeneralizing about older men is dangerous - assuming that all older men have an agenda with younger women while the guys in their 20's do not is...well...a bad assumption to make. Certainly, there are "dirty old men" who do have an agenda, but then again, so do a lot of younger guys.

If you find a man who's well-adjusted, mature, and and emotionally healthy, age matters less and less. A guy who bases his life on honesty is a lucky find for any heterosexual woman indeed.

For me, personally, as long as he isn't old enough to be my father, then I'm okay. Simply because something about that would feel incestuous to me.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I too think we can't generalise..

It is difficult answering a thread, that is close to your heart.

I recall 3 years ago, when I re-ventured the dating scene, meeting twice, not once, men whom claimed to be my age, however, were 10 years older. When I asked why they lied, they stated that I wouldn't have gone out with them for a date had I had known.. My answer, simply was, and there is not a second one as my pet peeve more than anything, is liers..

In addition, when joining a dating site, I can't begin to tell you how many 63 year old men clicked on me asking for a date, as well though as 23 year olds

Whilst this age group is different, ie) I'm not 25, your still saying 40 verses 25, I'm saying 63 verses 44.. Yes, as ManINeed, stated there are dirty old men, it would be fair to state that men mature, but don't grow up By that I mean, boys will always be boys, young at heart. Perhaps, they see a 25 year old as a young at heart woman, not a settled, only wanting to cook, clean, mother but someone who would be more fun around, in outings, perhaps your seeing only the sexual side of man and woman, there is more...

[ManINeedACoffee]

I agree...there's much more. And different people are looking for different things. I can't blame you for quickly weeding out the liars, CW - if you aren't man/woman enough to be who you actually are, then it's definitely not worth it.

My boyfriend and I were at first a little nervous about our 12-year age difference - he said he didn't want to come across as a "dirty old man" and I didn't want to come across as a "gold digger". The latter would've been difficult anyway, since we're both struggling under the weight of the American economy. But the things he always says he appreciates about me is that I have my head on straight, I know how to say "thank you," I'm self-motivated and independent, and I can have conversations with him about pretty much anything. To me, this is not a man seeking sexual gratification or validation from dating a younger woman; it's a man seeking companionship and intimacy. That's great for me, because I'm seeking the same thing.

[Agony_Aunt]

I really don't see why an older man being with a younger woman is straight away branded as "he's a dirty old man". Yes, there are dirty old men out there that are looking at younger women in a sexual way, but I have to stand up for the older men, that as CW said, are looking for someone younger for reason's other than anything sexual.

Even though unfortunetly, Allie has had a bad experience with an older man, that doesn't go to say that all older men have that agenda.
At the age of 15, you could have been vunerable and sadly someone older took advantage of that.
If you are putting yourself in the position to have a relationship with an older man, then I believe that you should be mature and wise enough to realise what their agenda is.

[WildChild]

Oh Dear.
If there are dirty old men, they probably started out as dirty young men. If a young woman is a gold digger, she will probably be one as an older woman too.

None of this is new. In his play, The Importance of Being Ernest, Oscar Wilde's Lady Bracknell says, " When I married Lord Bracknell, I had no fortune of my own. I never dreamed of letting that stand in my way."

As people mature, they should develop more patience and understanding, but they don't always. In many cases I've watched men my age (late 40s, early 50s) chase after young women seemingly trying to recapture their youth. It seems that in many cases they quickly tire of the young things because they lack life experience, depth and maturity. But it is all so variable from person to person regardless of gender. You really can't stereotype too much on this.

[jns]

In some cultures it is normal for the man to be quite a bit older than the woman due to him needing time to build up resources. She is to be quite a bit younger to bear healthy children.

[cocoa]

When i started this thread i'm not sure what i was thinking. I have no experience with this and never will. Not sure if much was learned from my questioning, since i based on my views on a ton of misconceptions. But it's all good i guess. Interesting responses.

[Texasred]

When i started this thread i'm not sure what i was thinking. I have no experience with this and never will. Not sure if much was learned from my questioning, since i based on my views on a ton of misconceptions. But it's all good i guess. Interesting responses.

There are aren't there? Good question you posted.
One thing I've learned is that age need not be a barrier in a relationship, in either direction - older or younger - and if you make it one, you're needlessly missing opportunities and shutting off interesting avenues to travel.

[Texasred]

I work at a University and young women are very frank these days and they are also their attitude towards sex can be cool and calculating.. ...They don't talk about the older men with emotional feelings like the girls with bf their age but they talk about all of the material things the guy has to offer.
I don't know who is using who, but from what I see the women go into it because the men really spend a lot of money on them, It seems to be a given. ...The girls also talk about cutting down sex once the guy is hooked but the guy hangs on anyway still giving them money, paying car notes, rent, charge cards...

There's a name for women who trade sex for money...