[jackie4]

hi i have been married for 7 years but been with my husband for 14 years , now my problem is that im not interested in sex any more and my husband has a very high sex drive , i could go months without but my husband tries it on all the time and i feel like i have to just to get a good night sleep without him annoying me for it , is there something wrong with me and can the doctor give me anything to put my sex drive up please help

[rcoreyus]

When you do have sex do you enjoy it physically, do you orgasm? Does your husband try to do what you like in bed?

[jackie4]

hi rcreyus i do enjoy sex physically and i orgasm ever time but he has to rub my clit for me to have one , i dont really like trying new things i dont know why , even when he goes to kiss me a dont want him to but once we get going im fine , whats wrong with me

[pretzel]

Well, I doubt that there's anything wrong other than sometimes when relationships are as long as yours has the normal ups and downs of life exacerbate into our physical relationships with our partners.

As you've said, once you get going you're ok. Sometimes we just have to block the day to day stresses and think of our own personal relations with the ones we love.

[Texasred]

...Sometimes we just have to block the day to day stresses and think of our own personal relations with the ones we love.

And sometimes it is those very relations that cause people to NOT want to have sex: if you're not feeling valued, respected, loved by someone, it's hard to want to have sex with that person. But you could still enjoy it "once you got going."
So there are a lot of possible reasons someone might not feel like they have a sex-drive; the reasons can be either physical or emotional.
It could be the wrong dosage of a irth-control pill interfering with the libido, or it could be a build-up of everyday irritations and a lack of initmacy.

[LanaBear]

It sounds like you have a lot of mental blocks regarding sex, I don't think it is anything that a Dr., except maybe a therapist could help with.

When did you begin to feel this way?
Are you on birth control?

What about being intimate, without having sex... What turns you on? Do you get aroused by certain smells, touches, thoughts, etc? Do you view sex as a chore rather than an intimate connection?

Trust me, you don't want to go down the road of not wanting to enjoy sex with your husband, it causes a lot of pain and stress in the marriage. It's up to you, but you can turn it around. It will take work and trust, but things can get better.

[WildChild]

I think Texasred has made some very valid points. If you are orgasmic and not wanting sex there could a number of factors but if you don't feel loved, valued and connected that can dump your libido. Meds can also be a biggie. And we've heard of a number of women who seem to have caring men in their lives, are oragsmic and still have no interest. You are going to have to do some self and relationship examiniation.

[rcoreyus]

Sounds rather like my wife's behavior. When (rarely) we do have sex, she seems to physically enjoy it, but she almost never seems to want sex, and gets annoyed if I ask. Its not unusual for your husband to want sex often - most couples want sex a few times a week. Since it sounds like you physically enjoy it (and I presume he is trying to do nice things for you in bed), I guess the question is why you aren't interested. It could be physical, could be mental (not even clear those 2 are so separated). Does your husband treat you well in non sexual ways? Is he affectionate in other ways? Are there other problems in your marriage? Are you sexually attracted to anyone other than your husband - or is sex with anyone unappealing? Are you maybe attracted to women? There are a lot of people who only discover later in life that they are gay / lesbian since the societal pressures against this are so strong. Are you aroused by erotic scenes in movies, stories, fantasies, etc? Do you masturbate or do you just go long times without sexual release? This is very important to your relationship. Most people get into marriage expecting an active and happy sex life. Even if you are giving in to his requests for sex, he probably can tell that you aren't happy and will feel something is missing from his life. Eventually he is likely to find that something somewhere else. I'm not trying to blame you in any way - just pointing out that it is important that you understand what is going on and try to fix it.

[jackie4]

hi i have felt this way for about 3 years no im not on birth control as i had an op 6 months ago , i had a tumour on my ovary and had everything removed , my husband would explode if we were just inntimate , for example we cant even have a cuddle without him thinking happy days im going to get a bit tonight lol , i look at sex as a way of getting a good night sleep cause i know he wont wake up in the middle of the night to try it on

[jackie4]

thank youall so much for your replies , i dont think it mental but as i read alot of your replies it does hit home , im a stay at home mum looking after 4 children , my husband works full time and comes home eats his dinner then goes back out again to work on the caravan , now i dont see him again until the kids are in bed , i feel like all i am is a cook,cleaner,and a wife , i dont feel like jackie anymore