[rcoreyus]

That can be OK if you don't feel you are missing something. If the situation feels unequal to you, then it is a problem. (I'm in a similar situation, but it does feel unfair to me).

Count me as a guy on the other side of the ledger. I go down on my wife just about every single time we have sex (it's the only way she can cum that doesn't involve batteries...), and I can count on one hand the number of times she's reciprocated in the last 20 years, never once finishing.

Is she selfish? I honestly don't feel she is, as she's an extremely warm and giving woman in every other respect. It's just something she can't learn to enjoy. And I flat out refuse to use my going down on her as a bargaining chip because I really, really enjoy doing it and I'm not one to cut off my nose to spite my face.

I have a great marriage and the lack of BJs is small potatoes in the grand scheme of things.

[jr]

As a man, I think women from all over the world "settle for too little". I'm certainly not the best lover or partner in the world but at least I am realistic in trying to make my partner's life and intimacy experiences better each time. I have known too many women that once they get into a relationship, they just settle that little or nothing is the way it's going to be. It also sounds to me like too many of you keep "score" (he never does it for me, so I never do it for him, type of thing).

It's easy for me to say because I love giving oral to my partner and could spend a lot of time, not only between her legs, but exploring her entire amazing body with my nose, tongue, fingers, etc.

Men, myself included for a time, quickly get comfortable in a relationship. In order to see the line......we need the dots to be placed very close together by our partners. Don't give us an ultimatum, or refuse to give us oral pleasure becuase you're not receiving it, but it's deffinitely worth discussing openly and honestly with your partner.

We men have a lot to learn about the women we love.

[sarahlizzie]

It was quite the opposite for me with 3 men, they would go down on me almost every time during foreplay. For this in your relationship I do find it is a issue to be addressed with seriousness, explain that you are not being pleasured like you crave, a decent man will not enjoy knowing he isn't pleasuring his partner. The first man I was with was much like this he would take, actually demand, but not give anything(which was what caused me to to end it), he was selfish and your man is being a little selfish as well.

[Colorado]

OMG, that is unreal - I can't get enough of eating her psy- EVER!
It's so danged ...... well eatable! After a couple BOOMS, my wife ends up making ME stop doing it, otherwise I'd be happy munching on that fine thang all danged night!

I will say; many of the times we are in 69, so I get something in return as well, but even if she didn't like giving blowjobs, I'd be more than happy to ring her bell like that anytime/anyhow. She loves it - I love it - Win/Win.

I'm sorry that you have such a selfish dude, sincerely (wish I could help [joking]). I love blowjobs (don't know of a single guy that doesn't), but dang, it can't be all one sided.

Maybe you should try the 69 thing (then it's mutual). If/when he stops - you stop. ...and just really take your time until YOU cum, THEN if you feel like giving him a little bit-o-something, let him cum for you; if not then dont. Danged - that sounds evil doesn't it?

I know I'm a dude and I should probably be sticking up for the guy, but hey, fair is fair (plus who would ever let a fine little munchie like that just go uneatten - THAT'S JUST 10 KINDS OF WRONG!)

[jr]

Have you thought about asking him to read some of the things written on this site?

I must be a freak because I just don't understand how your man, or any man for that matter, would need to be asked, begged, told or whatever to do one of the most amazing, intimate and loving things you can do for your woman.

I can understand if it's not your thing. I respect that because it's your body and is completely up to you. But if it's something that you enjoy and your partner does not satisfy you in this way, that just blows me away. C'mon men We MUST do better than that!

Asking for/demanding/expecting frequent BJs when he is not doing anything in return....or very limited in return is beyond me.

Have you settled? Have you allowed him to get away with limited meeting of your needs to the point that he's "comfortable" doing so? I believe that men, more than women can get comfortable in a relationship early on and if the woman allows, excepts or settles for the level of behavior at that time, then that's all their going to get.

I think you need to have a "knee to knee" conversation with him about all topics that have to do with intimacy (Romance, being romanced, kissing, holding hands, BJs, HJs, making love, having sex, anal sex, etc.) All of the things that you are doing currently, what you like and don't like and the things you feel are lacking or things that you need. You have to tell your man what you expect/need in order to have any chance of receiving it. It usually takes more than once too.

"Every girl wants to be seduced and made to feel like the sexiest, most desirable thing on the planet" EXACTLY! It would appear to me that you have settled and allowed him to "get away with" certain things, while you continue to perform for him at the level he expects....frequent BJs.

A one on one, knee to knee conversation should help reverse/improve the areas you have mentioned.

Remember ladies, we men aren't mind readers....We need you to put the dots very close together for us to see a line. Until we learn, we need a fairly tight collar and short leash (so to speak).

I hope this helps.

P.S. For those of you that don't know, there is something unique about having a conversation with somebody else when you're facing each other and so close that your
knees are touching. It forces you to be in touch with the person you are talking with and seems to increase the level of clear communication due in part to the
close proximity. For a more personal/intimate approach....rest your forearms on your thighs or hold hands while you're talking with one another.

[Hopeless Dork]

P.S. For those of you that don't know, there is something unique about having a conversation with somebody else when you're facing each other and so close that your knees are touching. It forces you to be in touch with the person you are talking with and seems to increase the level of clear communication due in part to the close proximity. For a more personal/intimate approach....rest your forearms on your thighs or hold hands while you're talking with one another.

Its weird , your comment above made me think about my own body language when I communicate. When I am upset... I will always stand while my boyfriend sits and when I talk that way its always more aggressive. And when I am sorry for something... or wanting to reconsile an argument... I always kneel in front of him while he sits and look up at him while I talk... and I am always most calm and seeking of his approval in this position.

[Allie602]

Lots of questions but I hope they point you in the right direction. He sounds very young and inexperienced (just sounds that way, maybe not). How old are you both and how much sexual experience do you guys have? (if you don't mind the intrusive question) I wonder if he realizes that he will not be able to hold the interest of a woman if he continues to have male centered sex. His focus on his satisfaction exclusively seems incompatible with love and caring for you. What is the quality of your relationship in other area? Does he take care of your emotional needs and is he attentive to you?

It may be simple lack of information on his part about the nature of sex between men and women, is that a possibility? I'd first check out if he is knowledgeable about female sexuality get a book and look things up on the internet and ask him to read and make plans to put the new found knowledge to use. Find out about his attitudes towards woman. Does he realize that you may lose interest in continuing to having sex with him if there is noting in it for you? I don't know if that is true or not but, it happens when sex is not mutually satisfying. Do you think you can continue this way?

Would you be willing to tell him that there is a danger of losing you, if indeed that is true. I would really give him every chance to improve by working with him on his knowledge base and technique with persistence. Do you think taking a holiday from sex while you work on things that would get his attention? Then decide what you would like to do.

[Allie602]

masterchief No one is saying that she should demand oral sex from him. But do you really think she should continue to satisfy him and remain frustrated? If he finishes in 3 minutes and there is no foreplay, it not sex he is having he is masturbating really.

I think you are giving very bad advice if you are saying that she should continue to give him a variety of orgasms by oral sex, vaginal sex with no expectation of sexual satisfaction. I think she needs to stop having sex with him if there is nothing in it for her.

What would be the reason that a woman should give a man sexual pleasure just because he desires it? If you think of sex as penis centered, then your advice may make sense. Thankfully, women in this day and age are not expected to service men. That might be construed as being used for sex and no one would advocate that any woman be caught up in that type of servitude.

If he does not care enough to please her and he knows he is not doing so then he should understand not getting any sexual satisfaction from her. Why reward him for poor performance and selfishness? If she continues to giving him blow jobs, he is happy but she is not, why is that OK?

Since sex is a mutual activity between two consenting adults then the pleasure as well as the pain should be shared. If she has to endure sexual frustration then he should as a loving partner, share in her pain. That way it's a problem to both of them and they are both motivated to solve it.

[Colorado]

He sounds very young and inexperienced (just sounds that way, maybe not).
It may be simple lack of information on his part about the nature of sex between men and women, is that a possibility?
I would really give him every chance to improve by working with him on his knowledge base and technique with persistence.

I entirely agree with Allie,

I know when I was younger I had several "misconceptions" about some things sexual in nature (Things were Taboo, wrong, good boys just dont do that, what are you gay?) etc...
Now that I'm a bit older (sheesh), I've come to realize that some things I was taught were wrong, are really NORMAL. I used to avoid my own fluids like they were radioactive! , now I know, some things are good messy and sharing flavors is a huge turn-on! Holding on to old misconceptions will do a relationship in. You are in a relationship and that means TRUST. If he has some sort of immature (not accusing, just saying) misconception that doing "this or that" is wrong, then he needs to grow up and get over it, or as Allie says, he's going to find out that life can get lonely.

Maybe he does need to become more knowledgable in some areas. Maybe he was brought up thinking "that is dirty", and "wrong". Maybe he was taught that men are superior and should just get without giving, and maybe he is just a butthead; who knows. But, you need to address it and get him to see your side or things wont move on, at least not naturally. It's not wrong to make the one you love cry out in passion, or un-natural to share yourself fully with them. But, lets face it, guys don't talk about stuff like that amongst ourselves like I understand women do, heck thats why I love this forum! For the short time I have been here, I get to ask any questions I want without judgement (so far at least), and I can help others who feel like I once felt... and let me tell you, if you have hang-ups, you are not getting the most out of your sex life, and that is a danged shame! Anyone who wants straight answers about how a guy REALLY feels about anything, only has to ask.

In our relationship, we're open to anything and it's very liberating knowing that. We hold nothing back from each other (wife and I), and let it all hang out (so to speak). there are some things you find that just aren't your cup-o-tea, but for the most part being liberated enough to TRY, is worth all the money in the world. TRUST!

Do you think he would be open to this forum and be honest about things to himself? if so he could really learn a great deal, and maybe qwell a few "misconceptions".

[Hmmm Really?]

This thread surprised me so much I registered to respond. I'm a guy(sorry, I know this site is for women). I actually came to this site to read from a woman's perspective on ways to keep my relationship interesting(beyond just sex, I mean all aspects). I'm surprised by this lack of consideration for one's partner on the man in question's behalf.

Early on in a relationship, guys don't commit to much, we're still trying to feel you out. We can have sex with you without connecting emotionally or feeling any obligations. But within a couple months when things begin to become stabilized, I thought men began to concern themselves with KEEPING and PLEASING the woman they're with(at least if we give a(edit) about you, if we don't because our mind is elsewhere we show traits like the ones in question).

At this point in my relationship my job in sex is all about pleasing my wife. Her job is all about pleasing me. Any other way, one is giving too much and the other is taking advantage. Whether that means I can get 10 minutes when she's tired and would say "no" but wants me to be happy, or on those days when she wants it and I spend 2 hours caressing and licking before intercourse ever starts. You have to consider EACH OTHER.

My wife doesn't like giving oral, but if requested she does it with no argument, because i know she doesn't like it and I want her to be comfortable, I don't request it often, barely ever, and more times than not she gives it because our chemistry let's her know when the time is right(not often at all, but always at the right times, and any other time she makes up for it with other things). But because I love pleasing my woman, and I know she enjoys receiving, I dedicate the time to give her oral anytime we're having anything more than the "I'm tired so let's hurry up" interaction. When we're really in the mood, it set's the pace, get's her in the right mind for everything afterwards, and gives me confidence that I'm giving her everything that she wants physically. It's to the point that while I dominate every aspect of intercourse/doing the do, the foreplay is her time to run things and it works out to both of our benefits.

I say all this because you should evaluate any relationship where you give more than you get. Maybe the guy in question flourishes in other settings making the bedroom irrelevant, but I'f he's not dedicating as much time overall to please you(and sex is a big indicator of the entire relationship)as you dedicate to pleasing him, you should really evaluate how he views you in general.

I can't understand how any man can rest comfortably without knowing he's given his woman everything she wants in life from affection to materials and financial support to piece of mind to sex the way she wants it so she's overall satisfied. I don't know what goes on in a woman's brain, but as a man, I want this for my woman because I know she dedicates her life to doing the same for me. I owe her as much effort as she give me out of the shared love we have for one another. That's how you make it work. You never look out for yourself in a relationship. Apparently you know that, so why doesn't he?