[pretzel]

I think you're starting to get to the heart of it, selfishness. I know the routine. When the two of you first met, he was the doting, compassionate, passionate man who would do anything and everything to make you happy and fall in love with him. Once he knew you were committed to the relationship and he was back into his comfort zone, you see the complete turnaround into the selfish, self centered person that you're now describing.

Am I wrong?

[WildChild]

How long was he alone, not in a relationship, before the two of you came together?

Look up narcissistic personality disorder. There are many types and degrees. My most recent ex husband was diagnosed as narcissistic. Essentially their needs and desires come first. A healthy person keeps a balance between their wants/needs and those of the people around them, a narcissistic person doesn't. You might see a counselor and then ask him to 'help' you by meeting with the counselor. I've detailed some of my experience in counseling with this. It didn't take the counselor very long to bring out what was going on.

What Pretzel describes fits very well. Gaining your attention and care supports their needs. once they have your affection secure they don't feel a need to give to you anymore.

[Sunshine Girl]

Yes Pretzel is right in as much as I was whooed and once "caught" moved back to his selfish ways. However WildChild I think your description of narcissistic personality disorder is far too strong for him (looked it up) In many ways he does SO much for me. Housework, running erands, shopping, fetching and carrying if I am not feeling well, nothing is too much trouble. All these things make it all the more confusing...

[WildChild]

Then he may just have gotten into the habit of thinking only of himself and needs to retrain himself?

[pretzel]

Yes Pretzel is right in as much as I was whooed and once "caught" moved back to his selfish ways. However WildChild I think your description of narcissistic personality disorder is far too strong for him (looked it up) In many ways he does SO much for me. Housework, running erands, shopping, fetching and carrying if I am not feeling well, nothing is too much trouble. All these things make it all the more confusing...

With one big exception, all the things you listed he does for you involve little or no measure of emotion.

[Sunshine Girl]

You are very right there Pretzel, he does'nt do emotion....

Retired army officer may have something to do with it?

[ItsASecret]

Narcissistic would involve him thinking he is the one and only, the grand poobah of everything, preoccupation of one's self-importance, preoccupation of being admired, they act very grandios, and have a sense of entitlement, a decision he makes affecting someone else would elicit zero empathy, underestimates other's abilities. A person having the list of things that make the real diagnosis are rare in the general population. Choosing not to engage in some affection or having sex is not narcissistic it is just plain lazy and simple selfishness. A person can help out with the chores and have zero emotion doing it, that does not make them narcissistic.

[pretzel]

You are very right there Pretzel, he does'nt do emotion....

Retired army officer may have something to do with it?

Yeah, this might have JUST a little to do with it,

[WildChild]

Narcissistic would involve him thinking he is the one and only, the grand poobah of everything, preoccupation of one's self-importance, preoccupation of being admired, they act very grandios, and have a sense of entitlement, a decision he makes affecting someone else would elicit zero empathy, underestimates other's abilities. A person having the list of things that make the real diagnosis are rare in the general population. Choosing not to engage in some affection or having sex is not narcissistic it is just plain lazy and simple selfishness. A person can help out with the chores and have zero emotion doing it, that does not make them narcissistic.

This is a highly simplistic view. There are degrees and types of narcissistic behavior.

[Sunshine Girl]

Pretzel you are so right and I have never thought of it like that. Throws a whole new light on the matter....