[ItsASecret]

This is a highly simplistic view. There are degrees and types of narcissistic behavior.

And the diagnostic one is done based on diagnostic criteria...which is large list of personalized characteristics. If a person does not have x of x characteristics based on the medical diagnosis they do not have the personality disorder. Only a professional can make the diagnosis of any type of personality disorder.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Mmmm, Retired Army Officer, spending days and days and day alone, being regiment, dreaming, on their own.....

Finding someone who will not leave them, be with them, is a dream, after all the years alone, basically and yes, Pretzel is right, as naturally there is no intimacy just his own time, on his own....

Coupled with I, I, I, as he has had to live his live that way for a long time....

Why not ask him, what those dreams were, all the times he layed down to sleep, doesn't matter what they were ie) travel, the beaches, women, a position, a car... Take him back to those dreams and then maybe try to encourage him to full fill them, let him see your standing by him, however, make it known that in each of those dreams, there is room for (2) so write them all down and start with one and both of you go and do it..

It's hard to condition (2) when there has only been (1) but you can...

CW

[ItsASecret]

I do not know a lot about peoples in the Army but are they not trained to show little emotion? I guess maybe not "you! stop that smile" but more of a 'be like a rock' and always have that professional attitude in their daily lives.

[Sunshine Girl]

Thing is, he retired from the army before he was 30, got married and had two sons. They both worked shifts (he and her) so I think that could have been a bit of a disaster (I know the drifting apart because of this was the reason for their split) He was on his own for 2 years before getting together with me and think he had a few girlfriends inbetween.

Perhaps the army does teach them not to show emotion, although you would have thought after 25 years he would be able to show just a little...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sunshine, did he show emotions to you when he met you, did he show passion... Or, think back, did he do all the little things for you, but never told you how he felt, never held you etc..

You could say, Army then a partner, different shifts, then 2 years alone, with an attempt for relationships, that, that could still spell, years of masterbation, a "used to", it's easier if it's only for a short term, you can get them back on track...

But emotions are a different issue as well...

What was it like at the beginning?

[Sunshine Girl]

In the beginning he told me he loved me every day, held hands etc The sex went from being "normal" and passionate to masturbation within a few months I would say. Like I said I thought this was due to there being someone else in the house at the time.

He is not a good communicator at all. I have asked him to tell me if something I am doing annoys him, but he never ever complains (bonus) I can only imagine he thinks things but never talks about them (because I am in no way perfect.) I don't think I would be able to hide it if he was p*****g me off about something. I can't say we ever have a good old heart to heart about anything. If I get upset about something and have a go at him he just sits there with a mouth full of teeth and takes it, always apologises and will comfort me. He won't defend himself. I just find it so frustrating as a little reaction would be nice....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

So let me get this, 3 years together, masturbation only within a few months, he masterbates you, you him, no penetration..

What do you mean you are no way perfect are you suggesting that he's been on his own for years and years and you've been in quite a few relationships, you say he's set in his ways, where to eat, etc, everything is naturally regiment , Army.. Do you think that he can't handle that you've lived?

My ex was like that, so I'm asking well that being he waited till 31... shh I know, I should have know better

Or, why, masterbate both parties, no penetration unless ... there was another problem, in the ARMY pertaining to, well you know.. and so he can't do it, did it to get what he wanted first, someone in his life..

Sorry, clutching straws but both are feasible

CW

[Sunshine Girl]

Thanks CW, I am only saying I know I am not perfect and there must be something I do or say that annoys him, however if there is he never says.
No, I don't think he is worried about the fact I have lived, he always says life is too short so we must enjoy it. We have both lost our brothers and parents so that does tend to put a different perspective on things. He was playing golf yesterday and scuba diving this morning, so he does do stuff.
I know that when we have had penatrive sex it has taken him ages to cum, although if this is a problem I think it should be spoken about and sorted out rather than avoided don't you?
I must add that I am not by any means unhappy in my relationship with him, just unfulfilled (which I have told him)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Love your avatar

Okay.. When people say they are not perfect, and it's not your past, then they are saying their communication is not good, they perhaps go off, perhaps nag, yes? Your not answering exactly what's "not perfect"

Understand, we are trying to see that crystal ball here

It's anonymous remember.

It's sad for your loses, you have a bond therefore, a big bond...

Playing gold, scuba diving suggests he doing all he missed out on.

Taking along time to cum, suggests long term masterbation,...I don't wish to go into that if you can understand.. but with penetration, long time is good huh, just if only we can get him to do it.

Hun, one question I posed you don't want to think about... What if though that is the reason?

Your not un-happy because he treats you well but pretty much once he had you he changed the sexual pattern...

It is now either in my opinon that or , that you nag and give him a hard time he has anxiety and can't...

What do you think?

CW

[Sunshine Girl]

I was only saying "I am not perfect" in as much as nobody is perfect and I therefore do not expect him to be either, nothing deeper than that.

I think playing golf and scuba diving are hobbies and most people that take early retirement and still healthy would like to do new things. (I also scuba dive by the way)

I think most men would say women nag, however I am the sort of person that if I don't like something will say so, having said that, if I do like something I will also say that. I don't feel I go on and on just like to sit down and discuss, hopefully reach a compromise or a solution.
I understand what you are saying about long term masturbation affecting ejaculation when having penatrive sex. Like I have said before, surely if he can see I am not happy with the situation, talk about it and sort it out!!
What was the question you posed which I don't want to think about? sorry having a senior moment here hehe!

Don't worry he does not suffer from anxiety which may affect his performance. It is seldom I bring up the subject...