[Hopeless Dork]

I don't know about indications that she is cheating or not even matter at this point... its blantantly apparent she could care less about your feelings, doesn't respect you and doesn't love you, at least not in a way that promotes feeling special and cherished. Life is too short to live it so miserably, and too long to live it so miserably as well. A woman that would be so cruel, it wouldn't matter if your penis was HUGE, she would say its your job that makes you not good enough, or something else. She targets your manhood because its a sensitive are for almost any guy, they don't call insults 'hitting below the belt' for nothing... and she is literally hitting below the belt.

You've spent more than a decade trying to appease her to yeild the same results, unless you're omitting things from this story that don't shine you in the greatest light , such as a history of cheating on her, neglecting her, being cruel to her... then she is just a really mean person.

Everyone deserves to be happy, to feel loved, to have someone out there in the world, that no matter how bad things are... they are there for you... there to support you whether you made the wrong choice or the right one, there to hold you when you need it most, to comfort you, to put a smile on your face with the simplest of actions, to share this gift we call life, to give you pleasure and to accept the pleasure you give them... it just doesn't sound like what you have is anywhere near that. Not even close.

So is she cheating? I don't know. My question is , at this point... does it even matter? Even if she were being faithful... is this what youw ant for your life? Rejection and being constantly berrated and belittled by the one person that is supposed to love you the most?

[sourpuss]

You need to get an attorney now. Depending on what state you live in and what the laws are, you may not be able to use adultery as a case against her. Find a good lawyer, tell him/her everything and ask what the best possible route for getting out with your kids would be.
It's possible that you could endure all of this, go through the trouble of documenting everything only to have it not hold up in court and be used against you in the end. Unfortunately, as a father, you have to have an air-tight case with a lot of evidence against the mother if you want any chance with the kid. It's not fair, but it's just the way it is.
So don't wait on the lawyer thing, you don't have to do anything now but you do need to talk to one to make sure what you are doing will work.

[Mr. Inquisitive]

Yeah, you really need to get the out, for your own and your son's mental well being. I can understand sticking it out because you love the person and would like them to change, but when it gets to the point where she is not only insulting but also your young son, that's where I would draw the line. I've put up with evil ex's in the past because I was a) stupid b) strong enough to deal with it, but when kids are involved that just hits me a different way.

[WildChild]

I live in a no fault state. While that applies to the divorce, it doesn't necessarily apply to child custody. Even if adultry, abuse, drug or alcohol misuse and such isn't admissible in the divorce, it can be pivotal in family matters. Get your documentation out of the house and into a trusted freind's hands. Make copies of everything and store them with someone else. Why? Because people, even, actually especially attornies, lose stuff. Having it locked in a file cabinet, regardless of what it is made of won't keep anything safe. I bet I could be into it in 30 mins with minimal damage and in 2 mins if I didn't care what shape I left it in. Don't be naive.

Have a back up plan and a back up to your back up. Why? Because if she does have a mental illness and could be unpredictable and/or dangerous as she loses control of you and your child, you will need it. You need not only evidence of her behavior but copies of financial records, personal records and your child's health and school records and birth certificate, passports - anything legal. Also make sure you have records of contact info, addresses and phone numbers of family members and friends, hers and yours.

Start saving some money, preferably cash. I assume you have your own car? Have a couple of season appropriate changes of clothing for yourself and your child, neatly wrapped and stored there. Stash keys outside someplace where you can get at them but no one will know they are there. All you need is a key to the door of your car or a shed or someplace where you can safely stash other keys or items. Be smart about this, don't make it obvious.

Have a 'safe' house. Maybe a work buddy whom your wife doesn't know. If if comes down to it you need to be able to make one call, take your kiddo, drive off, get on the bus, whatever, and up to someone's house, your car into their garage and become unfindable for a while. Why? Because when you are leaving, when you are first separated, is the most dangerous time with these kind of people. I dealt with it with my kid's dad. Be legal. But your child's and your own safety come first.

Talk to an attorney, talk to a couple of them. Most will do a free intial consultation. If you plan you can get a lot of information that way and you can get a good feel for who you can work with. You need to know what the laws really are, how they could apply to your situation and what information and documentation you need as well as what to expect in procedure and cost, When I divorced, money was tight, I got an awful attorney and it cost me and my kids, big time later on, emotionally and financially You need a competent attorney and there are plenty of lousy ones out there. When it was time to repair the mess made with the bad one, I actually asked at the courthouse. I cornered a few people who worked in the courts, in a friendly way, and asked, if they had to get an attorney who would they call? They aren't supposed to recommend but they see and hear what goes on and know pretty much which attorneys are reputable and know their business.

Be prepared. This can get ugly. Even if it starts off all, "we'll still be friends" and "we'll do what is right for jr". It can still get really ugly. When you dealing with an emotionally unstable person you have to be prepared for anything and everything. They can be remarkably sly and very clever. They aren't restrained by the same concerns and morality that you are. Your wife has shown you repeatedly how cruel she can be, don't expect her to surrender the upper hand easily. Know what you want getting out; especially where your child is concerned. This may require all of you going through meetings with a court appointed counselor and being evaluated. It can get intense, stressful and ugly. You and your child need out of this abusive, manipulative situation. Be prepared for her to lie and maniupulate, you need to be pre-emptive, Get a restraining order against her. Don't hesistate to call repeatedly if she violates it. Our society is often slow to admit any abusive situations and especially to admit that women are fully capable of being abusers but the more records you have, the better.