[Guest]

Oh ok so sitting around watching porn and jacking off, while ignoring the real thing is "Trivial" K, thanks just wanted to get that straight in my head..

[budd]

Oh ok so sitting around watching porn and jacking off, while ignoring the real thing is "Trivial" K, thanks just wanted to get that straight in my head..

I never suggested that it is trivial.
I think that you need to go back and read my posts if you think I'm suggesting that.

Seems that people here are trying to turn my comment into a man vs. women issue, instead of a relationship issue, and are sounding hostile, so I'm out. Good luck to the OP.

[WildChild]

Haha. Well the world is filled with all kinds of people and no rule applies to all.

To me it sounds like the OP's main issue is that they are both going through a stressful time with him opening a new store and putting most of his energy into it....and the way that kind of stress is handled, on both sides, can be the difference in whether or not a relationship survives.

I think you are right. They need to get this dealt with because they are establishing patterns that will stay with them throughout the relationship if they stay together.

[Guest]

Sorry, but i just don't see much defence for the kind of behaviour he's displaying..

[budd]

Sorry, but i just don't see much defence for the kind of behaviour he's displaying..

Okay. Maybe I should have worded it differently or added more to it, but my intent is not to defend him. You misunderstood. My intent was only to offer opinion about looking deeper and at both sides.

She has said she confronted him and his response was that she nags him about things and he's losing interest. Assuming he's being honest, that he really feels this way, then there are things that she can work on too. Obviously she knows the things about him that bother her...but...if she's unhappy, then he's probably unhappy too...and for a relationship to work, both sides have to see both sides. So if he is being honest that he feels she nags him about things...and she admits that she does but feels he makes her nag him about things, then all I'm saying is that there seems to be more here than porn or a porn addiction. That there are things that they both need to work on to become closer again.

On his part he can stop with the porn for a while and on both their parts they can communicate better. No Nagging!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ha, yeah the thread says Porn, verses the real thing and I guess that's the issue at hand, however, when an OP, starts adding things in, that can answer perhaps why he doesn't want it as much can't it? There I am talking about starting a new business, there I am talking about communication break down, where a person feels un-loved and so, constantly is on someone's back, those things can make a person limit their sex life

I think budd, answered perfectly in the nagging department, we often think that a "comment" is exactly that to be confused by a ton of "comments" non nice, that is considered nagging...

Having said that, she could be also "commenting about the porn" but she knew about it and claims it's okay with her", so does she have a right then to "comment about it if she already accepted it in the beginning?".

We have read here over and over, how porn, angers a woman and makes her in-secure..

CW

[WildChild]

Having said that, she could be also "commenting about the porn" but she knew about it and claims it's okay with her", so does she have a right then to "comment about it if she already accepted it in the beginning?".

We have read here over and over, how porn, angers a woman and makes her in-secure..

CW

Sometimes things that seemed OK at first become a problem later, that's a relationship dynamic. The real kicker is that if something is really bothering your partner, what is the loving response to it? Some things we truly can't change, or not without drastic measures - how tall we are, the shape of our noses, but other things are a choice. If you know that you are making a choice that hurts someone you purport to love and care about, what do your actions say about how much regard you have for them?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Retract, OP you didn't state you "accepted it at the beginning of your relationship and knew about it" only that you know about it and don't like it... My apologises, there seems to be so many threads on porn at present, and all different with regards to the OP's thoughts....

Just with regards again to the nagging I bought that up as a side line, purely stating it doesn't help anything, people don't listen to that, it by no means was meant to become a debate between everyone, that "she is nagging so doesn't deserve" over "porn", merely an observation of one word that I addressed...

WC, having retracted the above, most definately.... Again, we can't change people but we CAN compromise and if you are in a loving relationship, then that's a very KEY word, that has to happen or there is no relationship...

OP, just curious, were you are of the porn before you went out with him? Or when was it that you established that...

The first time you bought it up, did he say he would stop? Or has he all the way through, blammed you, nagging, about it and refused to stop it?

Apart from the Porn, it seems that he is distant in any event, whether it be due to him starting a new business and focusing on that, or whether he is a selfish person and "won"t" juggle his commitments, that being to his profession, his life and his woman. If that's the case, then ask yourself what does this man give to you? Honestly...

Are there dates, are there cuddles, is there laughter for instance....

And, if not, what again, is this man giving you?

CW

[Aputnam3]

Perhaps it is just cause I am new here, but why has no one mentioned the obvious compromise. Offer to "assist" while he is watching the porn or even possibly act out some of the more tame scenes you would feel comfortable with? I did this with my boyfriend and we consider it a nice way to occasionally spice things up in the sex department. As for the nagging aspect, before bringing something up that irritates you, ask yourself this, "Am I irritated because he did or did not do this, or because he is not giving me attention and the only way to get that attention is to cause a fight by nagging?" It helps to bring perspective to things if you question yourself. Just try to be honest with yourself and him. If that doesn't work? Kick him to the curb and find someone who will appreciate you, nagging and all.

[ItsASecret]

Offer to "assist" while he is watching the porn or even possibly act out some of the more tame scenes you would feel comfortable with?

Because that is enabling. If a woman is uncomfortable that her SO is jackin it to porn instead of her she should not try to fix it by hoping into the bedroom and saying "yeah baby lets do the things in the clips you obviously wish you had right now instead of what you already have with me" or "yeah baby obviously that porn princess has your attention over me so let me help you wack it to the fantasy of her body". That is only giving him more porn, more masturbation to the pictures and videos and not his SO. If the sex life is a-okay and porn is infrequent or non-invasive in the relationship and she wants to spice it up with a helping hand during his next youporn clip then by all means go for it. But if he is still saying no to her but yes to the porn and she is just essentially saying "well can't win this one so I guess I will just rub one out for him so at least I can touch his body for a minute or two" then it is still enabling his behavior instead of dealing with it.