[Jim60]

Hi all - first post.

Not so much seeking advice as understanding why she feels this way. We've been married 15 years.

I would love, just once in a while, maybe when penetration is not possible, to cum on my wifes body (belly,boobs, this is not about facials.)

We have talked about it, but she just is not up for this, saying it is sticky,messy etc even if I offer to clean it up for her.

However, if she accidentaly gets some on her during the general course of events she is fine about it, like when she gives me a handjob or if I slipped out of her when I was cumming.

When we were first together we had problems finding suitable contraception and used withdrawl sometimes (don't try it at home, worked for us may not for you!) and she had no problem with me pulling out and cuming on her belly/back or whatever - we would both laugh about it as we cleaned up, the only time she freaked was when she got some in her hair but even then it didn't spoil her whole morning.

I accept she is never going to let me cum in her mouth, that is not an unusual dislike, but as she clearly doesn't have a sperm phobia as such, more like a mild dislike if anything, cumming on her boobs seems like a small thing to ask. It's like it's ok if it's an accident or for good reason, but not if it's just for my enjoyment. And I don't really understand, though to be fair it's a fairly small niggle in an otherwise satisfying sex life.

TIA for your comments/thoughts and even advice.

Jim

[Guest]

To some women it's degrading if you do that on purpose..

[WildChild]

Has she expressed why? Have you, in a non threatening way, expressed why you want to do this?

[sallyskellington]

like Sidney says to some women if it happens on purpose they feel it's degrading. I would try to talk about it in a calm manner. Ask her why it bothers her is it b/c it's messy or if there is another reason. Hear her out, and when she is finished express your views as well. Whether it be for visual stimulation or what not. Maybe you can come to some sort of compromise(like if its b/c it's messy maybe you two try it when your in the shower or something). She may just not be into it.

[Jim60]

Wow - that was quick - thanks!

I don't mean it to be degrading, I would get no enjoyment from degrading anyone, but I gues she may see it that way.

She has not said why not, except the messy comment, but I feel there may be more to it. I have not been forceful in asking, or really laboured the point, it's not my style and anyway she does not respond well to undue pressure in general, more likely to dig her heals in!

I'm not sure why i want to do it, partly the visuals and partly, I suppose, if I am cuming outside her body it's just sexier to cum on her than the sheets or myself. I do know for sure she underestimate how important the visual aspect of sex is to me and, I guess, most men

Thanks again.

Jim

[Ashlee T.]

Definitely important to communicate with her about it. I mean it's obviously not a make or break thing for your relationship, but it would be interesting to know why she dislikes it. It could be because she feels it's degrading. If you're a porn watcher, she may feel like you're trying to turn her into one of those girls (even though I'm sure that's not the case). She may feel like "I can't let him think thats reality or no telling what all he'll be wanting me to do". It could also be a control thing. I find myself doing this sometimes, finding things to say no about just to maintain some control in a "you cant just do everything to me you darn well please". For instance, I remember once while giving my a bj he said "take off your tank top"........and I said "no". Why? I dunno....I felt like he was ordering me around, turning me into what HE wanted me to be, instead of just being able to lay back and really enjoy what I was doing. Was I wrong for feeling that way? Yeah, prob....but it was my way of maintaining some control.

Not to say ANY of these reasons are true for your wife. Just a thought. If you're not coming on her face, not asking her to clean it up, etc......I'm not really sure why she'd have a problem with it. It has to be a mental thing something we've mentioned here.

[Guest]

Communicate my brother.....with the woman you love more than anything! You've been married 15 and probably been in love a lot longer.

So go for it. That, or drop it once and for all, if you're concerned about pushing her and making her "dig her heels in". If you can live without the "visual" then forget about it.

BTW, welcome to the forum. It's a GREAT place with lots of GREAT people and good advice from both men and women.

[LanaBear]

Just going to echo what everybody else said. COMMUNICATION!!! If this is something that really gets you hot, then tell her. Find out what her big turn off about it is. It's hard to say, it could be any number of things.

[Jim60]

BD - I think you may be close to it, we have not watched porn together but a friend put one on once a few years ago when we were visiting (actually at his wifes suggestion). My wife reacted without enthusiasm to the inevitable facial ending, though she seemed ok with though not particularly interested in the rest of it. Maybe she fears thats what I am really after, so I will reasure her on that next time I ask. I don't think its a control thing, it would be out of character to keep it up so long.

SA - I have communicated and she said no. If I can get to the bottom of why I may have a chance to change her mind, but either she doesn't want to tell me or it really is just the mess aspect. Either way she will not be pushed into it, and nor would I enjoy it if she is just lying there grimacing. If I can't find a way for her to feel comfortable with it I will, as you suggest, have to drop it. And thanks for the welcome, it is a great forum!

LB - Yes it gets me hot! I will tgell her that and ask her why not more closely next time, I may have accepted her explanation too easily. But if she just says the same, then I guess thats about it!

Thanks all.

[LanaBear]

How open are you two? Just out of curiosity... Has she expressed wanting to try new things with you? Could you make this into a lighthearted game? Like the two of you write down over a few days the top 3 things you'd like to try, then talk about them. Or the two of you list the top three things that make you hot, then talk about them. Attribute it to wanting to take your intimacy to another level? Maybe try not to be serious about it, but bring it out into the open during a fun lighthearted conversation where the focus is on what pleasures the both of you.